Chance_taker Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Relationship lasted 3 years with a lot of great memories and some amazing times but the breakup was the most gut wrenching experience I have ever gone through. I am honestly regretting the whole relationship and ever meeting this girl and wish I never shared those memories with her and believe now that none of it was worth the way Im feeling now and what she put me through. I've been pondering this to myself as of late though, and am curios to see what your perspectives are on your most recent relationship. If you could would any of you do it all over again if you knew what the end result was going to be or would you have walked away before it begins? I know its the past and we cant change it, I just want to talk hypothetically.
poorguy Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Well if you knew the end result would be bad you'd never be in a relationship lol. I would do it all over again though. As hard as it is for a relationship to end somehow it turns out that that person was a teacher and hopefully you learned a lot from them and the relationship in general-So answer YES-all over again
Author Chance_taker Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Well if you knew the end result would be bad you'd never be in a relationship lol. I would do it all over again though. As hard as it is for a relationship to end somehow it turns out that that person was a teacher and hopefully you learned a lot from them and the relationship in general-So answer YES-all over again Thanks for your post. Im not sure I learned anything from her except for the fact that I will be much more guarded and less trusting of people. I just cant seem to look past all her broken promises and move on. Its been almost 3 months and I have been on dates and I feel nothing for these women that prior to this recent relationship I would have totally been into. I guess part of me not moving on is the fact that I have allowed her to be in my life for the last month and this is forcing these wounds to stay open.
quankanne Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 the honest answer would have to be "no, I'd do it all over again" because the longer we stay together the more I realize just how unique our relationship is, and that chances are, not even closely replicated. There's just too much that I've learned from my husband that I wouldn't have with someone else simply because of the way he is. when I'm really pissed off at him, I tell myself that yeah, I could have easily given it up, but I'd be lying to myself because there's something to be gained from every love relationship you experience, and the longer you're with that person, the more "depth" you experience.
ReturnToSender Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I most definitely without a doubt would do it all over again. The good moments we had together still count for a lot... and I know, the heartbreak woudlnt have been so hard if it wasnt for the fact that he gave me some of the happiest and best moments over and beyond any other guy Id ever been with. Besides that, I have an incredible new group of friends and family because of him... Im very close to his family, his sister and I consider ourselves sisters regardless, his dad is *the best dad in the whole wide world!* without a doubt, his step-mom and mom both are the biggest sweethearts, and several of my friends I met through him, and I now consider some of my best friends. Would I give all that up to save myself the heartbreak he put me through? No way, not on your life. Espcially since its when he hurt me, through that experience, is when I learned who truly was behind me and there for me, calling to check up on me, dragging me out the house so that I wasnt wallowing in depression...and letting me know that they loved and cared about me cause they truly considered me a part of their life...I wasnt just the gf to be forgotten after the breakup. So yeah, along with the pain, I came out of it feeling more loved than I ever have before. So very worth it.
Author Chance_taker Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Again thanks for your perspectives. I guess I should let you know also what may be influencing my point of view on this is that I chose this girl over another great girl at the time we got together. Even though we were never a couple we would have been had I not chosen this recent girl. Maybe I would have ended up with the same outcome but I will never truly know what I gave up to be with this girl only to be tossed aside in the end.
Author Chance_taker Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 I most definitely without a doubt would do it all over again. The good moments we had together still count for a lot... and I know, the heartbreak woudlnt have been so hard if it wasnt for the fact that he gave me some of the happiest and best moments over and beyond any other guy Id ever been with. Besides that, I have an incredible new group of friends and family because of him... Im very close to his family, his sister and I consider ourselves sisters regardless, his dad is *the best dad in the whole wide world!* without a doubt, his step-mom and mom both are the biggest sweethearts, and several of my friends I met through him, and I now consider some of my best friends. Would I give all that up to save myself the heartbreak he put me through? No way, not on your life. Espcially since its when he hurt me, through that experience, is when I learned who truly was behind me and there for me, calling to check up on me, dragging me out the house so that I wasnt wallowing in depression...and letting me know that they loved and cared about me cause they truly considered me a part of their life...I wasnt just the gf to be forgotten after the breakup. So yeah, along with the pain, I came out of it feeling more loved than I ever have before. So very worth it. You make an excellent point and I can totally see why you feel that way. My support system however except LS was non-existant through this. My family pretty much said I screwed this one up and I had to deal with it which was not true she just wanted to move on in search of greener pastures. My friends are all happily married and don't want to get involved.
tobydog Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Yes, because he gave me my cherished son No, because of this incredible heartbreak I have suffered the last 9 weeks and I never want to endure this again.
Fern Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I had some lessons to learn and this is the universe teaching me those. But if I could go back knowing what I know now? No way. I'd avoid him like the plague. He has a lot of growing up to do.
ReturnToSender Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 You make an excellent point and I can totally see why you feel that way. My support system however except LS was non-existant through this. My family pretty much said I screwed this one up and I had to deal with it which was not true she just wanted to move on in search of greener pastures. My friends are all happily married and don't want to get involved. Even when its not obviously apparent, every person we come across in our lives makes an impact. Without our association with them, our lives would be different in some way. Someone I only saw for 5 seconds in my entire life flipped my perspective upside down...because when they walked past me they smiled and said hello. I instinctively smiled back, and the whole idea I had in my head at that very moment that there was nothing left for me, that I was worthless, that I had nothing to smile about, that no one wanted me was dashed. Some perfect stranger thought enough of me to look at me and smile, and gave me a reason to smile too...my first weeks! This was like 6 years ago...and I still remember her and that moment. Crazy eh? And she was a part of my life for only a few seconds... Every moment matters.
mogul Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I completely understand where you're coming from. The same thoughts ran through my mind. I appreciate the time her and I spent together and all the memories that will stay with me. She taught me the definition of love, and I'm grateful for that. Ultimately, I just think of this as a learning experience. What I need to work on myself as a person, and what not to do in future relationships. Then there are times where I go through bouts of depression and wonder if it was worth it. How she can move on so quickly like I meant nothing to her while I'm just trying to function. How I was perfectly fine before I met her. Now I feel jaded, and the next girl that is relationship worthy for me is going to have to earn everything and put up with me being guarded first. The answer is yes, I would do it again. So I don't make the same mistakes again with the next rl. I blame this on timing, if I had met her later on in life, I wouldn't be making these mistakes and taking her for granted. We really were so compatible.... Does anyone else feel that way?
Author Chance_taker Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 I completely understand where you're coming from. The same thoughts ran through my mind. I appreciate the time her and I spent together and all the memories that will stay with me. She taught me the definition of love, and I'm grateful for that. Ultimately, I just think of this as a learning experience. What I need to work on myself as a person, and what not to do in future relationships. Then there are times where I go through bouts of depression and wonder if it was worth it. How she can move on so quickly like I meant nothing to her while I'm just trying to function. How I was perfectly fine before I met her. Now I feel jaded, and the next girl that is relationship worthy for me is going to have to earn everything and put up with me being guarded first. The answer is yes, I would do it again. So I don't make the same mistakes again with the next rl. I blame this on timing, if I had met her later on in life, I wouldn't be making these mistakes and taking her for granted. We really were so compatible.... Does anyone else feel that way? I feel that no matter when we came into each other lives that ultimately I would have experienced the same outcome. Looking back now I can see that she was/will be unable to committ to anything very long term and will continue jumping from person to person because she is the stereotypical CP. Hell Im not even sure why Im taking this so hard in the first place. I don't want to let this affect the way I treat the next person I allow into my life, but how can I not after being so badly burned?
darran Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 definitely not do it again....! glad I did though, but never again knowing the outcome. But the good thing is, each time a woman left me it made me realise a lot about myself. Now as I grow older, in my 19 year old mind and 34 year old body I begin to see just how much of a p***k I can be sometimes and that makes me want be a better man. Each breakup has made me a better man. I still have a bit to go but from how I was 10 years ago to now...well...its amazing what a bit of pain can do to jolt you into shaping up! (that is of course if you were dumped cos you were being an idiot)
mgene15 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 If I could, I would do it all over again. I learned a whole lot and fell in love for the first time.
murphomatic Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 If you could would any of you do it all over again if you knew what the end result was going to be or would you have walked away before it begins? I know its the past and we cant change it, I just want to talk hypothetically.This is a bit of a tough question .. knowing the outcome beforehand makes it really difficult. I learned a few things, I hurt a lot, I was embarrassed a lot, and my patience where stretched very thin, very frequently. I guess the lessons I learned, while valuable, aren't ultimately required to live a good life. I learned things that I don't want .. like that I don't ever want to date a bipolar addict, especially one as narcissistic as she was (she was/is a complete mess, but will fight tooth-and-nail to convince you [herself] that she's the best thing since sliced bread). I've learned more valuable, positive lessons from other people, who I would actually repeat the relationship with, knowing it would ultimately end..but this very last relationship, other than learning what I DON'T want, was pretty much a complete and total waste, and I wouldn't go back for anything.
SeriousBob12 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) That's a tough one... I really liked her, which was a fresh feeling. It had been a while since I found a girl that grabbed my attention for longer than until outter beauty wore off. I would get girls that were hot, but lose interest quite quickly when I realized that was the only thing I saw in them. The ex definitely made my heart turn, and months into the relationship I still couldn't wait to talk to her each day and see her. I used to get so excited to see her, and would joke with her that she made me feel like an anxious kid on christmas eve waiting for the big day to follow. It was definitely a great feeling, to find someone I truly liked. With that said, the breakup was absolutely awful, and even now I'm shocked at how and quickly things went the way they did. For all that was good about the relationship, I feel like the person I fell for never existed. Judging by her actions, I feel like I fell for someone who was a figment of my lust, and that I'll never get to see or be with that person ever again. I think for those reasons, I would have rather NOT gone through it. We had some great times and I was on cloud 9 up until the end, but it's a real depressing slap in the face when you get the eye-opener and realize you didn't know that person as well as you thought, if at all. It's even harder when you just wish for that person to come back and for things to be how they once were, but have to accept that it's now a memory in your head and that she won't and probably never will. Edited November 17, 2010 by SeriousBob12
Username37 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 (edited) My recent relationship was my first one ever. And it was incredible. So many memories and the feeling of love and to be loved....wow. She was a girl that caught my attention. She had so much in common with me and wasn't a superficial bitch (at the time) We had some serious fights, but most we got over. The break up sucked as since she did it over the phone. And now, she's a different girl with a different boy....it still stings like a mother ****er and it's been....7 or 6 months? I lost count. I don't regret the relationship. In fact, don't regret anything because at one point, it was exactly what I wanted. Edited November 18, 2010 by Username37
Author Chance_taker Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 My recent relationship was my first one ever. And it was incredible. So many memories and the feeling of love and to be loved....wow. She was a girl that caught my attention. She had so much in common with me and wasn't a superficial bitch (at the time) We had some serious fights, but most we got over. The break up sucked as since she did it over the phone. And now, she's a different girl with a different boy....it still stings like a mother ****er and it's been....7 or 6 months? I lost count. I don't regret the relationship. In fact, don't regret anything because at one point, it was exactly what I wanted. Im glad you were able to experience that even though it ended for you. I still remember my first relationship and it was great. We just grew apart when we left high school and went to different colleges. I have always been more the optimast but this recent relationship has more or less made me into something I hate in which I am always looking negatively towards things and that I think is why Im holding such animosity towards this girl for the way she wronged me. I just need to forgive her for me, not for her and be done with it and move on with my life.
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