Author InternationalPlayboy Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 What about your friend? Do you think she is aware of her role and feelings in this? Since you've been back from your trip to your hometown, did she mention anything about that conversation in the car or the sense that something had moved forward between the two of you? Or was it glossed over in your conversations? You don't have to answer these questions here-just food for thought. We have not corresponded since Sunday which is not uncommon. When I say we've remained in touch it is typically an e-mail or two a week - sometimes more, sometimes less. I don't know if she is aware of her role or feelings in this. It's entirely possible I have misread everything and if so, that would be a relief and allow me to get back to my boring, boring life. But I don't know quite honestly what she feels. I suspect the next time we correspond - if we correspond - this will be swept under the rug. Which no doubt would be for the better.
Author InternationalPlayboy Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 IP, 1. You or her were not drunk legally or otherwise, so ignore the bashing. 2. Don't over analyze it, if you keep it up, you will end up doing her..period. 3. Get the F*** off of facebook. Thanks - I think you're entirely right. The over analyzation is the killer in this whole thing.
NoLongerSad Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 This only a point of clarification and not intended to excuse her or our actions in any way: She had 1.5 beers with lunch in three hours. I had two. Oh. You said "a few". It wasn't clear that you meant "a few" between the two of you rather than "a few" each. 1.5 beers in three hours is not likely to pose a driving hazard.
goingstrong Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 IP, It is the thrill of the hunt brother. You have that doe in your sights, but you have a 12 point on the wall that you have had for years....even though you can take the doe, you let it go.
Author InternationalPlayboy Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Oh. You said "a few". It wasn't clear that you meant "a few" between the two of you rather than "a few" each. 1.5 beers in three hours is not likely to pose a driving hazard. It was a long, relaxing lunch more than anything. But it's true, you never can be too careful.
xxoo Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I hate people who answer questions with questions, but just out of curiosity what is an appropriate friendship between married people of the opposite sex? I believe up to this point the other woman and I have been as appropriate as can be reasonably expected - my spouse knows about all our discussions and correspondence etc as does hers. Certainly, there are grey areas, but I like to believe married people of the opposite sex can be friends. But sometimes I wonder if that's so easy. For me, it becomes inappropriate when there is secrecy. You have been forthcoming about your actions--relaying the events and the conversations. You have been less forthcoming about your feelings. You know that there was attraction involved in the mix, but your wife doesn't. To me, it is inappropriate to pursue contact with the neighbor woman knowing that there is attraction and fantasy attached, and not being honest with your spouse. You know the attraction is significant. It is dishonest and inappropriate to lead your wife to believe there is no attraction. And, of course, it is obviously inappropriate to communicate ANY attraction to the other person--especially if you have not told your wife (and even if you do tell your wife, imo). Just remember--if there are going to be confidences shared and deep emotional conversations, they need to be with your partner.
Author InternationalPlayboy Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 For me, it becomes inappropriate when there is secrecy. You have been forthcoming about your actions--relaying the events and the conversations. You have been less forthcoming about your feelings. You know that there was attraction involved in the mix, but your wife doesn't. To me, it is inappropriate to pursue contact with the neighbor woman knowing that there is attraction and fantasy attached, and not being honest with your spouse. You know the attraction is significant. It is dishonest and inappropriate to lead your wife to believe there is no attraction. And, of course, it is obviously inappropriate to communicate ANY attraction to the other person--especially if you have not told your wife (and even if you do tell your wife, imo). Just remember--if there are going to be confidences shared and deep emotional conversations, they need to be with your partner. Thanks again. Part of the reason I've been forthcoming with my wife regarding contact with this woman is the sense there's something more there. I sincerely doubt I would share every little detail with my wife if there was no attraction - just for fear of boring her and myself. Of course, as you mention, my attraction to her is the one detail I've kept to myself. I've gone out of my way to avoid certain topics with this woman (problems at home, past relationships and obviously anything overtly sexual). I can't even say we flirt, joke around yes. But not flirt. She's only said two things ever to me that - out of context - could remotely be considered flirtatious. And both times I wrote it off as her goofing around and not actually flirting. However, her detail that she's missed me yadda yadda yadda was not goofing around. And perhaps that's why it felt a little different when she said it.
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