Mike830 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Ok, well here's the deal. I've known this girl Stephanie for many many years. We've had a few flings here and there but nothing really got serious. A few months back we got together again and this time we really hit it off but were never a couple. I messed it up tho. I came on way too strong and I was way too pushy. I told her I loved her because I'm almost certain I do but it wasn't the time for it. I just didn't know how to back off at the time. I haven't been in a relationship for a long time and this was magic to me, especially since it was with someone I've known and liked for a long time. I didn't know how to control my emotions and I was doing stupid stuff. Then a few weeks ago she said she was gonna be busy for 2 weeks and I made a huge mistake by pestering her. She told me it was because family was coming into town and that she would be leaving to go to her brother's house for Thanksgiving. The problem is, those are the two weeks that her ex fiancee was coming back into town for leave after being in Afgan. She told me she was going to meet with him because he wanted to talk and she felt that she "owed" him that. She and I both knew what he wanted to talk about. He goes back in a week. She has been hanging out with him lately and she told me she still cared about him. I really messed up by turning to one of her friends for advice. She didn't like that one bit. She told me to not do it again. Unfortunately, I unintentionally did. I posted a quote on Facebook and one of her friends was curious about it. So I told her that it was about Stephanie. I told her how much I missed her. Then she found out and blew up on me. I didn't mean to do it and I admit, it was outrageously stupid of me. I wasn't thinking. She has now told me that she just wants to be friends. Remember, we have known and had feelings for eachother for a long time. I didn't do anything seriously bad, like cheat or yell or anything like that. I was just bothering her and being pushy. Is it over completely between her and I? I want to get her back so bad. She means the world to me. What should I do?! I know I need to lay low for a lil bit and let things die down, then maybe try to initiate contact. But what other advice can you guys/gals give me? Please, anything will help. Tell me what you think is happening and will happen. Good, bad, I want to hear it.
lapse Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 OK. Here's the thing - I understand that you want to 'make' it work. Ya can't. Right now, it doesn't sound like she's emotionally available to you (e.g., she wants to be "just friends") *and* or *because* it sounds like she has emotions for her ex that are unresolved. Doesn't leave you a lot of room. And it sounds like you have destroyed the mystery of you by hovering. You can redeem yourself, methinks... by stepping back, telling her you respect her decision, and bowing out. This is going to be hard, but it's a necessity [i think] if you want to be healthy and if you want her to return. You have to let her go. You can't keep poking at her. And if she is ever inclined to return, she can do so.
DustySaltus Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 The best thing you can do is disappear.
Author Mike830 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Thanks. I knew that's what I needed to do but I wanted to hear it from other people for a little reinforcement.
Jayerjay Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Yeah, I agree with the above posters. The answer is right in your post... you said you were too pushy and clingy... now is the chance to prove to her that you're not. Play it cool, take it slow, and let things lead where they may. Chasing after her and asking for her back is going to prove to her that you really are that pushy and clingy... so just step back and show her you're fine with the decision and you never know what may come of it.
Cee Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 It's probably a better use of your energy to meet new women rather than focus on this one. I know you invested a lot of time, but it hasn't yielded what you've wanted.
9Lives Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Accept that it is over....VERY VERY HARD....but its the right thing to do. You cant make her love you or give you more than she wants to give. alot of us have been in your shoes and its real. You have to drop it...dust yourself off and be on to the next one when you are ready. thats the only answer if she is not willing to work it out with you. im sorry
9Lives Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 The best thing you can do is disappear. Dusty your saluations are really good. Thanks. I still struggle with letting go and accepting. I dont call or contact in any way but Im still working on moving along. It is work
ICE911 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Hi Mike, Is this girl by any chance from pembroke? Sounds very similar to my story.
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