nickydooz Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) My ex-boyfriend and I were having sex for a few months (mind you, I'm still in love with him, and we are both def attracted to each other, but the break up is a long story), but after a while, I started getting clingy with him and he didn't like it (that's also why we broke up - I was the jealous type). So anyway, he stopped having sex with me and I was upset. I told him I'd change, but he didn't believe it. Well, I literally took 2 years trying to better myself. He really means a lot to me and I wanted him to see that I could change (but I did it for me though because I didn't like the way I was as a person). In between that time, he met a new girl and they became a couple...they even moved in with each other, but then she started becoming clingy and crazy too (he told me - we remained friends while he was with her). So they were on again, off again, on again, off again. Now, they aren't dating anymore, so I thought I'd tell him that maybe we should have sex again. He told me no because he doesn't think it's a good idea because he thinks I'll get clingy on him again. I told him I changed, but he doesn't believe me, nor does he want to give me a chance. But he did say that we should remain friends. I told him I didn't want to be friends. So he got mad and hung up on me. I decided to leave him alone (since I changed it helped me to be not clingy). I didn't contact him at all, and then a month and a half later, he called me up asking me if I could answer a question for him (I answered a lot of questions for him when I was his "friend"), and I got mad because I thought I made it clear to him that I didn't want friendship. So he said that I was just mad because he wouldn't give me sex. I told him he could do whatever he wanted and that I wasn't trying to force him to do anything, but I said I refuse to be his friend. He was real shocked that I wouldn't answer his question. He kept saying "I respect the fact that you don't want to be friends, just please answer this one question", and I kept saying "if you respect that, then you won't keep asking me to answer you." I also told him he hadn't been that nice to me either because he didn't keep his word (more on him stringing me along at the end of this). By the way, the question was why do women not want to leave when he breaks up with them. When I was his friend, he told me we'd make great friends because we can help each other out with relationship problems. At first I agreed to it, but then I didn't want to do it anymore because I knew I still had feelings for him. Anyway, he wouldn't get off the phone...he just sat there being quiet. I didn't know what to say, so I hung up. It's been almost another month, and I haven't heard from him. Do you think I should've remained his friend or am I doing the right thing by holding out? I still want sex with him, and I don't want to settle for friendship since that's not what I want. I love him and I hope that one day we can try with each other again, but at the same time, I'm not going to allow someone to string me along. While we were "friends", he strung me along a lot, promising we'd hang out and we never did. We only talked on the phone. Edited November 17, 2010 by nickydooz
lapse Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) No, he doesn't sound like a good 'friend.' I know it's hard, but if you want more and he doesn't, being friends is only going to hurt you and prolong your recovery. You just keep working on you. Learning about yourself and improving yourself are great, but don't allow anyone to turn you against yourself or make you second guess who you are. You're going to find someone who treats you well and doesn't have a commitment phobia. Edited November 17, 2010 by lapse
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