LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 I have a little situation, I have been dating a new girl for over 5 months and separated from my ex girl for over 1 year. Me and my ex have had sex maybe 4 times over that one year time frame. Recently we hooked up one night at a night club and went home together. We had crazy sex and have been doing so for 4-5 days now. I cant get her out of my head at all and now she is talking about us getting back together... The catch is she has a boyfriend too for about 9 months.... I need someone to talk to me and help me out please.... I cant turn to my friends because I cant trust them... I love my new girl and she loves her man but we are in love with each other....
ldybg51 Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 [font=courier new][/font][color=olive][/color] I would have to say that you both have got to dump your girl and guy. You cant hurt them like this. Nothing else matters. Just let the two of them go. Do not be concerned for thier feelings because you have already hurt any respect you had for her. Do not be concerned about what will happen with this ex in the future, you can cross that bridge when you get there. For now, the only thing to do is for you guys to break up with the others. If you could do that tommorrow that would be great...Thanks...(this said in an overly officious way) It really is the best thing. Do it soon. The longer you wait the harder it will be on the girl that you say you care for.
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 Are you saying you think she will get comfortable in this situation and the longer it goes she will not break up with her current man??
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 I am some what hesitant to get back with her if she is cheating on her current man... Reason being is that she would do it to me but she says that I am different and she is in love with me so she cant control it... She says that after one year her feelings are still there...... I am so confused as to even leave my current girl
ldybg51 Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 that is what i am saying. Leave the current girl. You cannot stay with her. It does not matter what happens with the 'new/ex' girl in the future. What matters right now is not hurting the current girl. You will hurt her when you leave her but it is better now than later. You could even tell her why. Not that you actually slept with the ex but that you havent gotten over her yet and you think the two of you may be able to work it out. This may seem harsh but is it better than just letting her wonder and pine for you thinking that you may change your mind. It will allow her to begin moving on immediately.
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 thats a bias opinion... because you might be in this situation.... What if nothing comes from this relationship with the ex... than I have no gf
dyermaker Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 1. All opinions are biased. 2. Don't crosspost. 3. Don't measure your self-worth on whether or not you have a girlfriend.
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 Originally posted by dyermaker 1. All opinions are biased. 2. Don't crosspost. 3. Don't measure your self-worth on whether or not you have a girlfriend. I dont but have a girlfriend allows me to focus on work and other things in life... It is a comfort issue
dyermaker Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Originally posted by LOSTMIND I dont but have a girlfriend allows me to focus on work and other things in life... It is a comfort issue Right, I recognized this, and advised against such a mindset.
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 So whats your advise on my issue buddy....
ldybg51 Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 [color=olive][/color] If he thinks that was biased wait till befuddled get ahold of 'em. Then hell see that I was mild You are gonna do what you want to do. Obviously. I have just told you what should be done. But this is the route that someone who actually has respect for his current girl would take. Oh well. Stay with her, keep sleeping with the ex, she finds out, and she will women always do, then lose everyone. Including all your friends. 1) Be a decent Guy 2) Be a Scumbag Looks easy to me..
ldybg51 Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color] Oh and no, I am not in this situation. Just speaking from a moral standpoint. Not that I uphold all morals 24/7 but I do my best. Now anyway.
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 your right about women finding out... Thats so true.... What is hurting me right now and confusing me is .... I honestly dont know if I wanna get back with the ex because I use her as my motivation in life to push and strive further... I dont know if that makes any sense but I used our breakup as a driving force in my life... I use it to push on... Secondly... By me getting back with my ex... Isnt that me moving backwards in life... I mean arent we supposed to just move on and dont look back...
dyermaker Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Originally posted by LOSTMIND So whats your advise on my issue buddy.... [color=green]Don't measure your self-worth on whether or not you have a girlfriend.[/color] Same thing, only this time it's green.
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 I dont... I want to know what to do with the ex...
ldybg51 Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=olive][/color] I think that saying should be thrown out the window in alot of situations. Including Love. I do not know if what you have for either girl is love but it is what you are referring to. So, No you do not necesarily have to 'not look back' and just move on. You can look back, see something you forgot, grab it, hold tightly and then move on with it in your arms. Works best with the rearview mirror instead of the side mirrors. You know The whole object closer thing...
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 9, 2004 Author Posted March 9, 2004 That was a cute saying I like it... I can tell you that I am in love with my ex of 2 years but love my current one... I hope that makes sense to you..
ldybg51 Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 [font=century gothic][/font][color=green][/color] Ohh Honey, You must be young. That is what life is all about. The difference of "being in love" and "just loving" Well maybe not ALL about but I would take a stab at 77.3% of life being about that.... Okay maybe its more like betweeeeeen 39.4% and 43.2%
Miss_Prolixity Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Hi Lost, You say you love your new girlfriend, yet you sleep with your ex? Please convey what your definition of love is? I thought it was about being trust worthy, loyal, failthful, committed, respectful and honorable. Which every single one of those words were discarded when you cheated. You also stated that you're some what hesitant to get back with your ex because she cheated on her current man. Doesn't that put YOU in the same boat? Isn't that an oxy-moron and calling the kettle black? I don't quite understand how you're putting blame on her, when you were the other half to blame. It takes TWO people to cheat. I don't understand another thing mentioned. You state "what if nothing comes from this relationship with the ex, then you will have no g/f". I am sorry, but I don't quite understand this mentality. So basically you're saying that it is fine to use and abuse (cheat) women as long as you're with someone because you have "comfort" issues and don't like being lonely. Wow, I am dumbfounded, literally. I feel sorry for your current girlfriend and I do hope that you have enough common decency to let her go. She deserves an honest man who will respect her. As for your situation, maybe you and your ex deserve each other, you both have meshing personalities.
sigh Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Miss Prolixity, u spoke my heart out. Please LOSTMIND, learn the comfort of a relationship by sticking to a girl. Its more fun that way. Believe me.
Velveteel Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 I think you're fighting the advice you hear because you don't want to make this painful change in your life. And there are no certainties! Someone will get hurt, no matter what you do. Why stay with your current girlfriend when you have stronger feelings for someone else? This injures all three of you! It will drive you crazy to keep cheating on your current gf with your ex. And it's true that neither woman will put up with this. Nobody wants to feel they're in second place. You will lose them both if you don't make a choice. Be brave, and do the right thing. And if it doesn't work out, at least you can comfort yourself with having made a grown-up decision in a difficult situation.
Author LOSTMIND Posted March 15, 2004 Author Posted March 15, 2004 Originally posted by Velveteel I think you're fighting the advice you hear because you don't want to make this painful change in your life. And there are no certainties! Someone will get hurt, no matter what you do. Why stay with your current girlfriend when you have stronger feelings for someone else? This injures all three of you! It will drive you crazy to keep cheating on your current gf with your ex. And it's true that neither woman will put up with this. Nobody wants to feel they're in second place. You will lose them both if you don't make a choice. Be brave, and do the right thing. And if it doesn't work out, at least you can comfort yourself with having made a grown-up decision in a difficult situation. I appreciate your help V... It is an extremely painful decision... you are right ...very hard to decide... on what to do but I think you are right
Made_a_Mistake Posted March 16, 2004 Posted March 16, 2004 Sounds to me like you are in "lust" with your ex...and that's a different thing altogether! Stop cheating on your new girl, she doesn't deserve it. Sorry but I can have no sympathy for a cheater!
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