Was Doing Great, now kind of messed up

[Cdub27]

so here's my first time ever on here to vent, but these past two days have lead me to a place I haven't felt like since my break-up.

 

I dated my ex-gf for about 1 year and 3 months. She dumped me and it's two months later and she is already seeing someone new. I went into NC, but I was alerted by a mutual friend of ours that she had moved on. I deleted her from Facebook, my phone and her email. Unfortunately, we still have many mutual friends on facebook and in real life so I can't just push all those people out of my life. I even told most of my friends to not tell me if they see her post on fb or if they talk to her about her new guy or about me. I told them I didn't want to know and I needed to heal and move on.

 

In the past two months, I only talked to her about 3 times. all of which were initiated by her. I saw her once downtown where I live, but it was not planned, horribly awkward and extremely painful for both parties.

 

Last week she had the nerve to tell me that she still loved me, YET when she DUMPED me she said "that I need to be single for awhile." Obviously I know now that that was a bunch of BS b/c she is now in a relationship with a new man.

 

my question(s) are these( and I know they don't all have definite answers, but I feel compelled) :

 

1) Does she even like this new guy? Or is it b/c she does not want to be alone? Furthermore, does it even matter why she is with a new guy? Should I be concerning myself at all? or am i just torturing myself?

 

2) Do I go back to what I had been doing? Just living my life and blocking her out? Or should I try to absorb and really just embrace this pain I've been feeling?

 

Furthermore, I also have met someone new, but for me I think it's very different. I do not believe in my heart that I am ready for a new relationship. This new girl is wonderful, older(than my previous gf) and really has her stuff together. But how do I handle this? I don't think I can just dive right back in to a new relationship. I want to continue to hang out with this girl but I don't want to lead her on or make her feel like she is a rebound. I just want to hang out and be with a good person.

 

I have told this new girl about my ex( we've only hung out a few times), but I haven't explained to her that it was recent and that I don't think that I'm over it yet. I know it's a lot of questions, but I really am seeking any good advice. These past couple of days have been really hard and I feel like I'm losing it!

 

-C

[Alobar]

Well, first of all, most people on here will tell you not to concern yourself with how she feels about a new man. It's just prolonging the process and is unnecessary. Having said that, it's not very practical advice. Regardless of what anybody tells you, your mind strays towards those matters. You can tell yourself it doesn't matter until you're blue in the face, but you still lack comfort.

 

If she is in a relationship with someone else and it has been less time than 3 months or so (give or take), then she probably doesn't have much emotionally invested. It's most likely infatuation at this point. I very much doubt she'd be with him if she didn't LIKE him. If she still has strong feelings for you though, it may harm that relationship. It's not terribly important either way if you don't know if you want to be with her. You need to decide if you want to be with her. Is what broke you two up easily fixable? Do you both regret it and honestly want to give it another try? You need to figure these things out before anything can happen between you two.

 

As far as your new girlfriend goes, you need to establish how you feel about your ex first. If you do decide that you are done dealing with the ex, then go very slowly with the new girl. You don't HAVE to "dive right back into a new relationship." You can take it easy with her. Just make sure to tell her where you're at and why. She'll appreciate the honesty and, truth be told, she'll most likely want you more because of it. Just take it as slow as you want to. No pressure. No expectations.

 

I know some days can be harder than others. I'm going through a breakup after 5 years together and I still have to live with my ex for the next 8 months. Some days are really difficult and I feel like crying or picking fights with her. Post on here when you feel down. It's so much better than doing anything you might regret later.

 

Keep me posted.

[Amandabanana6]

Alobar has great advice. Definitely take things very slow with the new girl. Eventually you will stop thinking about her