LadyD06 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 To simplify my dilemma: i've been friends with my best friend for ten years this yr. Four years ago she met a guy (we'll call MR.BIG). Mr. Big took her on barely a handful of dates within maybe two months. The small miniscule thing they had going on ended abrubtly. She was upset etc. Of course I was there or her, but its been four years and she STILL wants to be with him. Mr.Big had called her for a few drunk late night hookups. The last time was a yr and a half ago/ on the other hand/ I barely met Mr. Big lil less than 2yrs ago. And exactly a yr ago me and him have gotten really close, extremely close. She just found this out...I wanted to tell her sooner. But its too late she's disowned me and claims she wants me dead! I and majority of our mutual friends think shes taken it overboard. There was a point where she said she'd talk to me but she wanted me to cut Mr. Big off; but I think HE'S THE ONE! So I told her I couldnt and now she says there is no chance in hell she'd speak to me again! IS SHE BEING DRAMATIC? Or WHAT?
Yvelysse Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Honestly, Where do you see yourself in ten more years; would you be happy w/o her, w/o him? This is a milestone time in your life. This will be one of the wow I remember whens.... that ultimately (to you) mark your life as a success or failure. Who are you WILLING to give up? You don't have to make the decision today BUT you will eventually have to make one! Peace
greengoddess Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 No she is not being dramatic. You LIED to her for a FULL YEAR about your relationship with mr. big. If you had but honest with her from the get go and asked her if she minded if you dated him this probably would have had a very different ending. Best friends don't lie to each other for that long.
desertIslandCactus Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 To simplify my dilemma: i've been friends with my best friend for ten years this yr. Four years ago she met a guy (we'll call MR.BIG). Mr. Big took her on barely a handful of dates within maybe two months. The small miniscule thing they had going on ended abrubtly. She was upset etc. Of course I was there or her, but its been four years and she STILL wants to be with him. Mr.Big had called her for a few drunk late night hookups. The last time was a yr and a half ago/ on the other hand/ I barely met Mr. Big lil less than 2yrs ago. And exactly a yr ago me and him have gotten really close, extremely close. She just found this out...I wanted to tell her sooner. But its too late she's disowned me and claims she wants me dead! I and majority of our mutual friends think shes taken it overboard. There was a point where she said she'd talk to me but she wanted me to cut Mr. Big off; but I think HE'S THE ONE! So I told her I couldnt and now she says there is no chance in hell she'd speak to me again! IS SHE BEING DRAMATIC? Or WHAT? Yes, I think she's being dramatic to bother with you .. And you were Desparate to hook up with her man .. even though their relationship wasn't serious. There's got to plenty of other men out there, without doing this. Let the poor woman go, and seek peace.
Yvelysse Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 wow she's seeking assistance, not criticism! fark what happened, it's the future she needs to look at now!
xpaperxcutx Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 wow she's seeking assistance, not criticism! fark what happened, it's the future she needs to look at now! LOL I'm all for fighting for what one loves but she truly crossed the line by dating the guy. If a person doesn't have respect for a friendship how much respect will s/he have for a relationship?
Yvelysse Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 but she truly crossed the line by dating the guy. If a person doesn't have respect for a friendship I agree, but that is not the advice she is seeking. I have had 'friends' date guys i liked. I forgive them, Girl and Guy alike. I don't date friends Ex's either! But what does she do now? She went beyond what any would hold as normal for her situation. Quel Donage! She has to choose now, Friend... Fop... (because he should not have dates his ex's friend either) or Neither! *http://www.thefreedictionary.com/fop fop (fp) n. A man who is preoccupied with and often vain about his clothes and manners; a dandy
Muthu Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 To simplify my dilemma: i've been friends with my best friend for ten years this yr. Four years ago she met a guy (we'll call MR.BIG). Mr. Big took her on barely a handful of dates within maybe two months. The small miniscule thing they had going on ended abrubtly. She was upset etc. Of course I was there or her, but its been four years and she STILL wants to be with him. Mr.Big had called her for a few drunk late night hookups. The last time was a yr and a half ago/ on the other hand/ I barely met Mr. Big lil less than 2yrs ago. And exactly a yr ago me and him have gotten really close, extremely close. She just found this out...I wanted to tell her sooner. But its too late she's disowned me and claims she wants me dead! I and majority of our mutual friends think shes taken it overboard. There was a point where she said she'd talk to me but she wanted me to cut Mr. Big off; but I think HE'S THE ONE! So I told her I couldnt and now she says there is no chance in hell she'd speak to me again! IS SHE BEING DRAMATIC? Or WHAT? Good,Mr. Big lil less than 2yrs ago. And exactly a yr ago me and him have gotten really close, extremely close. She just found this Good
Author LadyD06 Posted December 8, 2010 Author Posted December 8, 2010 >i agree i should've told her as soon as i had an inkling of a feeling for him. as time past it seemed more and more difficult to open my mouth to tell her. >and honestly i didnt want to lose either of them; but you can't have your cake and eat it too. right? >just a small point...they were never a couple, but that doesnt matter cause i know what i did was and is unexcuseable period. i've apologized to her millions of times i just figured she'd come to a cooling point by now
Vesna Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I dumped a friend of 18 years because she hung around like a desperate vulture waiting for my bf and I to split up (things were becomming very toxic). As soon as that happened, she had her hooks into him and it it hurt me on many levels. I hated her for betraying me and dissed her straight away. One year later and he is on my doorstep, telling me about the emotional abuse and anger she bestowed upon him daily. And the control! He and I have been friends ever since and she will never see either of us again, we are busy with our lives and he rues the day he was vulerable enough to let her in. I regretted wasting so many precious years trusting this bushpig and to this day it takes me a very long time to decide whether I can trust a female friend or not so I keep women at arm's length. I prefer men.
amerikajin Posted December 9, 2010 Posted December 9, 2010 I don't know...is it really a big deal? I could definitely see this being a problem if the OP was dating someone who was like an ex-fiancee or ex-husband, but some dude that her friend dated for a bit here and there? Look, it didn't work out between them -- that's the end of it. However, it worked out between the OP and the same guy, so obviously they're a better match. Look, I can understand that there's a bit of embarrassment and awkwardness at having your friend take someone you once liked, but it didn't happen. Honestly, if it were me and some dude friend of mine were hooking up with some chick I went out with a few times, I would be happy for him as long as he wasn't scheming to destroy my relationship before it ever got off the ground. I'm assuming that's not what happened here. I think people ought to give the OP a break. OP, if this dude is really a good fit, then go for it. And screw your friend. Anyone who claims to want you 'dead' over this isn't a friend. If it wasn't this, it would have been something else. She's nuts. Go get laid and toss her your wet panties to rub it in a bit.
Author LadyD06 Posted December 9, 2010 Author Posted December 9, 2010 I don't know...is it really a big deal? I could definitely see this being a problem if the OP was dating someone who was like an ex-fiancee or ex-husband, but some dude that her friend dated for a bit here and there? Look, it didn't work out between them -- that's the end of it. However, it worked out between the OP and the same guy, so obviously they're a better match. Look, I can understand that there's a bit of embarrassment and awkwardness at having your friend take someone you once liked, but it didn't happen. Honestly, if it were me and some dude friend of mine were hooking up with some chick I went out with a few times, I would be happy for him as long as he wasn't scheming to destroy my relationship before it ever got off the ground. I'm assuming that's not what happened here. I think people ought to give the OP a break. OP, if this dude is really a good fit, then go for it. And screw your friend. Anyone who claims to want you 'dead' over this isn't a friend. If it wasn't this, it would have been something else. She's nuts. Go get laid and toss her your wet panties to rub it in a bit. thanks for everyones input...the good and negative still kinda on the border with this one but if ya'll so kindly can check out my other thread in romantic>dating: YOU men hae rules...i'm goin to need more info
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