OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I would say "Sorry but I need to cancel our date on Monday. Thanks for your consideration. Take care.". You have no idea how tempting this is. Cold as ice - I love it. It would make me feel pretty empowered to just walk away like that.
threebyfate Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 You have no idea how tempting this is. Cold as ice - I love it. It would make me feel pretty empowered to just walk away like that.Sometimes...errrr...most of the time, I don't see my responses as cold. More direct but still polite. It is interesting that it sounds this way to you so thanks for your input. As for empowering, which will trump more? Your potential regret or the empowerment of walking away?
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Sometimes...errrr...most of the time, I don't see my responses as cold. More direct but still polite. It is interesting that it sounds this way to you so thanks for your input. As for empowering, which will trump more? Your potential regret or the empowerment of walking away? LOL sorry - it just came across as very formal and business- y to me. I am generally way more emotional when I communicate. As for your question it's a really tough one. On one hand, I would feel relief to walk away with some dignity and not have to think about this situation any longer. On the other hand, I worry that I may miss something great due to some form of miss-communication. Then there is also the possibility that I will go on the second date and not really like him that much or that he will say or do something that will put him 100% in the tool category. Shadowplay saw his profile and pictures and she says that he is way below me - that kind of cheered me up
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Shadowplay saw his profile and pictures and she says that he is way below me - that kind of cheered me up What's with this judgment? Why do you two talk like this? "Below you"? That's not an attractive attitude at all, OG.
threebyfate Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 LOL sorry - it just came across as very formal and business- y to me. I am generally way more emotional when I communicate.No problems. I wasn't offended just surprised. You're right that I do lean towards business-y. As for your question it's a really tough one. On one hand, I would feel relief to walk away with some dignity and not have to think about this situation any longer. On the other hand, I worry that I may miss something great due to some form of miss-communication. Then there is also the possibility that I will go on the second date and not really like him that much or that he will say or do something that will put him 100% in the tool category. Shadowplay saw his profile and pictures and she says that he is way below me - that kind of cheered me up If you're waffling, just go and try to keep an open mind while not forgetting the pattern he's already started building. Shadow, your partner in crime. Hi Shad.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 What's with this judgment? Why do you two talk like this? "Below you"? That's not an attractive attitude at all, OG. Star, it's just an innocent way for friends to boost each other's confidence. If I think that a guy is "better catch" than me -I am going to act even less confident around him.
carhill Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Another potential is seeing people as equals, perhaps less or more compatible for a romantic relationship. Applying your standards in the realm of compatibility, without prejudice to their intrinsic worth and value as human beings. Next time, try calling. Just for the heck of it.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Another potential is seeing people as equals, perhaps less or more compatible for a romantic relationship. Applying your standards in the realm of compatibility, without prejudice to their intrinsic worth and value as human beings. Next time, try calling. Just for the heck of it. Don't read too much into it...it's just light banter.
carhill Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 No worries. I'm busy in real life. Just catching up on the gist of what I've read. Carry on..
CLS63AMG Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Don't read too much into it...it's just light banter. You are a game player and will be single until you get over it. Sorry, but I see you hunting on this site for whats wrong with you and thats it. Grow up. (thats me sugar coating it) I can elaborate if you'd like.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 You are a game player and will be single until you get over it. Sorry, but I see you hunting on this site for whats wrong with you and thats it. Grow up. (thats me sugar coating it) I can elaborate if you'd like. If it's along the lines that I am insane and will never have a relationship then please don't.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I am so excited. Me and Shadow have developed a new plan on how to act around guys. I am going to put it in practice on Monday
CLS63AMG Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 If it's along the lines that I am insane and will never have a relationship then please don't. No, not insane just low self esteem and you're insecure. By continuing with unfavorable dating you are only making things worse for yourself. I'd take a year off and clear your head.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I am so excited. Me and Shadow have developed a new plan on how to act around guys. I am going to put it in practice on Monday Oh really? Do tell.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 No, not insane just low self esteem and you're insecure. By continuing with unfavorable dating you are only making things worse for yourself. I'd take a year off and clear your head. OK I will agree with that. What do you mean by unfavorable dating?
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Star, it's just an innocent way for friends to boost each other's confidence. If I think that a guy is "better catch" than me -I am going to act even less confident around him. What must "better" or "less" than even be a thought? How about just straight up incompatible? (Often because of your behavior, btw...)
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Oh really? Do tell. Oh this theory deserves the new thread. Shadow has already written it up but is on moderated status so she has to wait for it to be approved. I think this could be the new self help book in the making. I am serious. P.S. it goes against all the LS rules and advice
CLS63AMG Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 OK I will agree with that. What do you mean by unfavorable dating? Every date is going to be unfavorable at this point, your head isn't clear. I doubt you'd even notice a good one when he came along because you are so use to playing games and picking things apart. In a sense I'll almost say you are sabotaging the good ones...for fear of love, because it scares you.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 P.S. it goes against all the LS rules and advice Impossible. There are no standard LS rules or advice.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Impossible. There are no standard LS rules or advice. Well, most standard LS advice. Hope you can give us your thoughts on the theory Star, we value your opinion.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Well, most standard LS advice. Hope you can give us your thoughts on the theory Star, we value your opinion. Well, I tend to go against the grain on most things here (), so I won't be surprised if I think y'all nailed it on the head!
D-Lish Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Honestly SAD, I think you've created drama when there didn't have to be any drama. You had some good interactions, a great date, then had to cancel because you were sick. The sick part is no biggie. Because you cancelled, It should be your duty to reach out and make the effort. Most people are going to at the very least feel that the sick excuse is just that, an excuse. In order for him to feel confident enough to see you again, you really do have to put in effort. So, after you cancel the date with him, you go onto the dating site, post some new pictures... The message you sent him was that you cancelled the date so you could keep fishing for others. I am not surprised he became cold after that. He might not have originally thought you were rejecting him with the sick excuse, but he most surely must have thought so after seeing you online updating pictures. You can't expect him to contact you online as he sees your pics are being updated shortly after cancelling your date with him. If it were me, I'd think "wow, the dude just cancelled on me, now he's posting new pics and spending time online- he musn't be into me, and he's probably not sick at all". You're sabotaging after one date and trying to blame him for not showing enough interest. Yeah, as others have stated, you're testing- and you're sabotaging.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Well you are probably right about sabotaging part. At least he agreed for monday so providing that he doesn't cancel I can still recover.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Well you are probably right about sabotaging part. At least he agreed for monday so providing that he doesn't cancel I can still recover. So until then will you promise not to jump to conclusions about him? Or at least not freak out or go into overanalyzing mode.
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