anne1707 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I also uploaded some new pictures of myself on the dating site tonight out of boredom which would show up in his updates. He may think that I am still very actively looking for new potentials and making up the story of being sick. Perhaps I will put myself on the line tomorrow and call him. I have a really bad feeling that I will be rejected I would not blame him at all for rejecting you seeing as you appear to be actively involved in finding another date. Can you really not see that you are applying some appalling double standards here?
Mad Max Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 The thing is, there are guys that I have dated and that have chased me even when I was clearly blowing them off. I wish this guy was like that so that I would know for sure that he is interested Why should he jump through hoops for you? You're the one that cancelled. You need to make the move here.
dispatch3d Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 so I guess this answers any guy questions about things to do if a girl cancels on you. Like saying sure see you soon, then not replying to an offer for vague plans. fwiw ball is clearly in your court here.
Citizen Erased Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I hope the guy already moved on. Its best for him not to open the Pandora's Box. Was that really necessary?
Star Gazer Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 He was the best online first date that I have ever had. I could easily fall in love with him. If he only showed some clear interest in me I would be on cloud 9. Straight up, you need to STOP dating and do some serious, gut wrenching work on yourself because this attitude is NOT HEALTHY and screams some weird combination of high maintenance and desperation. You should NOT be thinking that this is a guy you could fall in love with after ONE online date. Why are you over investing like this? The fact that he's not chasing after you after YOU cancelled on him shouldn't be making you feel bad. Nor should him chasing you put you on Cloud 9. Admit it. You weren't really all that sick. You tested this guy to see how he'd respond, and he failed your test because it's impossible to make you happy.
musemaj11 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Was that really necessary? I dont know. But no one can say that I wasnt telling the truth. Oceangirl is not healthy mentally. The more she gets involved in dating, the more she is gonna hurt other people and herself.
sb129 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I would not blame him at all for rejecting you seeing as you appear to be actively involved in finding another date. Can you really not see that you are applying some appalling double standards here? Yes OG, you are. Can you truly not see how this is the case? . I didn't respond to his message and he has been posting EMO statuses on Facebook quoting my actual initials so I know they are about me... What are EMO statuses? Why are you FB friends with these people so soon when you hardly know them?
xpaperxcutx Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 OG You should know it's not nice to play games.
allina Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 OG, call him tomorrow and say "Hi, sorry for having to reschedule, are you free this Saturday?" Then, suggest a movie, restaurant or whatever. Problem solved! He will likely agree and you can have a great second date, if he seems iffy move on.
Mme. Chaucer Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I'm not going to presume that you really weren't too sick to go out, but I do recall this same scenario with you and another dating prospect in the past. There sure could be a "testing" aspect to it. Anyway, as I have said before (and you didn't like it!) NOTHING really has happened, except for in your mind, so don't go overboard. Keep gong overboard, and it WILL manifest in something negative happening. You KNOW that if you saw he'd added pictures on OKC you would have been all over that and him like white on rice. Try to hold your own behavior to the same standards you require in guys. If you actually are interested in this one (backpedal from knowing you could be in love with him - fast - please) then PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE like you want a guy to do for you. You HAVE to be willing to risk a lot, and if you are not willing, you can't have a real relationship. I think that's absolute.
anne1707 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 If you actually are interested in this one (backpedal from knowing you could be in love with him - fast - please) then PUT YOURSELF OUT THERE like you want a guy to do for you. You HAVE to be willing to risk a lot, and if you are not willing, you can't have a real relationship. I think that's absolute. So true. For a relationship to be all it can be, you have to put yourself on the line. If you hold back then you will never be able to fully commit and why should anybody else take that risk for you.
OceanGirl Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 I ended up putting myself on the line yesterday and sent him a clear text asking him to see a movie with me on Saturday. He hasn't responded at all and it's been over 24 hours. I am sad but at least I know now. I will have to move on. I just wish that he has responded in some way yesterday, even to say something lame like he is busy and he will get in touch when he is available (even if he never plans on getting in touch). I don't think that it's very nice to just completely ignore someone like that. FYI, I never do it to others. And Star, yes I was really sick. I am still sick and am going to see the doctor today as vomiting has returned So I guess I have too much on my plate to be worrying about this. It hurts but I am used to getting hurt. I deleted all his contact info just so I am not tempted to contact him again... Thanks to all of you who offered constructive advice.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I dont know. But no one can say that I wasnt telling the truth. Oceangirl is not healthy mentally. The more she gets involved in dating, the more she is gonna hurt other people and herself. And you are a psychiatrist who can diagnose people via what they post on forums? Seriously dude, you don't have a clue Even if what you say is true, people with truckload of issues are in relationships and getting married all the time. People with full blown mental disorders, personality disorders etc etc.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Eh, he finally got back to me... He can't make it on Saturday (didn't explain why ) but suggested Monday instead. Same place for dinner and drinks that we have rescheduled from Wednesday. He didn't really sound enthusiastic at all through text and of course he took ages to reply. When I said OK, let's meet there at our normal time 6pm - he didn't even respond with yes or no or anything. I don't know if I should even bother with this any longer...He obviously is seeing god knows who on Sat night.... Everything about his attitude screams "I am so meh about you, whateves". Do you guys think that I should even go on Monday?
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Oh and in all our text convos, I am the one sending the last text. It makes me feel It's like would it kill him to wish me a good weekend or something? This sucks. I am again dating someone that is low interest, I have spent the better part of yesterday crying over this - I am just too sensitive for this world.
threebyfate Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I'm sticking to my original opinion about this guy OG. His actions are concerning. But the most important person who has to make the decision of go or no go will be you. If you don't go, will you regret it?
Mad Max Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 IMO, I think this guy thinks you weren't all that sick and were testing him. That's why his interest in you is moderate at best.
allina Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 OG, why all the texting?! Do you ever just make a quick phone call? I'm actually ok with texting, but in these early stages it's really helpful to speak to the person!!!
xpaperxcutx Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 OG you should really make a guideline of the things you should and should not do with a date. ex. adding him to FB
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 I'm sticking to my original opinion about this guy OG. His actions are concerning. But the most important person who has to make the decision of go or no go will be you. If you don't go, will you regret it? Yeah TBF, regret is my main concern. There is the school of thought that in most cases things start kind of casual until two people get to know each other better, I guess I don't have much to lose by going on a second date. I am sure that things will crystallize themselves more later so I will be 100% sure. I mean I could even buy that he doesn't believe I was sick and is acting this way because of it but there is that 2 day lag after the first date BEFORE I did anything wrong. Out of curiosity TBF, if I were to abort this now - how would you go about canceling Monday? What would you tell him?
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 OG you should really make a guideline of the things you should and should not do with a date. ex. adding him to FB I didn't add him to FB paper, on purpose.
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 OG, why all the texting?! Do you ever just make a quick phone call? I'm actually ok with texting, but in these early stages it's really helpful to speak to the person!!! Allina, I am very unsure of this guy's interest in me. If I called him, he would feel even more cornered into agreeing to see me. It is easy to reject someone by text, or never respond so I wanted to give him that opportunity.
threebyfate Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Yeah TBF, regret is my main concern. There is the school of thought that in most cases things start kind of casual until two people get to know each other better, I guess I don't have much to lose by going on a second date. I am sure that things will crystallize themselves more later so I will be 100% sure. I mean I could even buy that he doesn't believe I was sick and is acting this way because of it but there is that 2 day lag after the first date BEFORE I did anything wrong.Yes, his two day lag is concerning considering his excuse about messing up with women he really likes. Instead of being concerned about you being sick, then reacting with favour when you did press for another date, he pulled another 24 hour lag. If his original excuse was valid about messing up, he sounds seriously insecure and self-centered. If his original excuse was full of poop, his existing reaction makes more sense. But...knowing you, if you don't go out with him, you will regret it. So, just go. :laugh: Out of curiosity TBF, if I were to abort this now - how would you go about canceling Monday? What would you tell him?I would say "Sorry but I need to cancel our date on Monday. Thanks for your consideration. Take care.".
OceanGirl Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Yep TBF - major flags have been raised before the second date. He did write "I guess this means you are feeling better, glad to hear it" I think that I will just go on Monday and be my normal self without any P/A behavior. Then kick back and not initiate any more contact. Unfortunately, at this point I do not trust him at all.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 IMO, I think this guy thinks you weren't all that sick and were testing him. That's why his interest in you is moderate at best. It's rare I agree with you, Max, but I have no doubt you're right about this. He likely thinks she was playing games.
Recommended Posts