SadandConfusedWA Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I had to cancel second date today due to feeling sick. I got something like food poisoning yesterday afternoon and had to leave work early. I had pretty bad stomach cramps/vomiting all evening. This morning I stayed home from work and am feeling better but still pretty weak. I was in 2 minds if I should cancel my tonight's date but I look like s%it and don't feel too hot either. So I thought f4ck it, I am going to cancel. I sent him a text saying that I have bad flu (I didn't want him to picture me vomiting, it's just not sexy) and that I would love to see him again when I feel better. He texted back saying "Oh no I hope you feel better soon and please remember to get lots of rest. I look forward to seeing you again too :)" I texted back "Thanks maybe this weekend" He didn't reply to that. I don't want to chase and it's really no big deal if this doesn't pan out. There are plenty of other men around and I know that I was honest with him. My question is: who should get in touch with who next? Should I text him when I am feeling better or wait for him to initiate contact?
musemaj11 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 If you have any decency you will initiate contact. Otherwise you can wait or take the next one in line.
Star Gazer Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 You should initiate the rescheduling, since you're the one cancelling, regardless of the fact you sent the last text. That said, I would reschedule NOW for a concrete day/time. Certainly you'll be over a stomach bug by the weekend. So rather than "maybe sometime this weekend," I'd suggest setting a concrete day, like Saturday.
carhill Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Hope you're feeling better soon! To celebrate, follow up on that nice expressed desire to reschedule with a firm day and time, like suggested by others. Assuage his disappointment with thoughts of seeing you soon. Enjoy
USMCHokie Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I agree with the others. The canceler should always initiate contact and reschedule as soon as reasonably possible. Hope you feel better.
Author SadandConfusedWA Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Awww thanks guys... I think I am over the worst of it. I will wait to text him until tomorrow. I just feel weird sending him 2 texts in a row right now. I just hope I get to see him again
musemaj11 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 This is really a very basic courtesy issue. Any adult shouldnt have to ask what to do in this situation.
carhill Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 OP, try something potentially unweird. Try *calling* him tomorrow and rescheduling. I know, it's a wild thought, but, hey...
Mad Max Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 If you cancelled, then you need to be the one to re-schedule. It's not your fault that you had to cancel, but you do need to re-schedule.
OceanGirl Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I am feeling really melancholic. I feel like I will never see him again. He has logged in to the dating site for few minutes and I was logged in too but he didn't IM me I feel fine now, damn it I should have gone on the date. Now I feel like I only have one more shot, one more text and if he doesn't respond - it's all over. He was the best online first date that I have ever had. I could easily fall in love with him. If he only showed some clear interest in me I would be on cloud 9. That hot 25 year old that is a potential FWB has been bugging me to go out all week and has tried to make firm plans for this Friday. I didn't respond to his message and he has been posting EMO statuses on Facebook quoting my actual initials so I know they are about me. I should just go out with him but of course my heart is not in it. Ugh I hate this uncertainty Also, Shadow seems to have dissapeared in the last 24 hours...
Girlygirl1977 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 He probably isn't sure if you are telling the truth too bc people often say they are sick when they are lying. You should call him instead of texting to show your sincerity and also it will increase your chances of it working out in my opinion (since you cancelled). Calling is real human, personal contact - texting is not. I am feeling really melancholic. I feel like I will never see him again. He has logged in to the dating site for few minutes and I was logged in too but he didn't IM me I feel fine now, damn it I should have gone on the date. Now I feel like I only have one more shot, one more text and if he doesn't respond - it's all over. He was the best online first date that I have ever had. I could easily fall in love with him. If he only showed some clear interest in me I would be on cloud 9. That hot 25 year old that is a potential FWB has been bugging me to go out all week and has tried to make firm plans for this Friday. I didn't respond to his message and he has been posting EMO statuses on Facebook quoting my actual initials so I know they are about me. I should just go out with him but of course my heart is not in it. Ugh I hate this uncertainty Also, Shadow seems to have dissapeared in the last 24 hours...
anne1707 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Surely for you to know he had logged on to the dating site then you must also have been logged on. Plus you could have IM'd him just as easily. He could have been thinking "why is she logged on when she is supposed to be too ill to go out"
Els Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 ...You canceled (for good reason, fair enough), he said he hopes to see you soon, you said 'Maybe this weekend'.. And you think he's the one 'not showing that much interest'?! C'mon, you got pissed the last time a guy declined a date on a weekend even though he offered a definite alternate date. This time, you are cancelling and you didn't even offer a definite alternative... and you think it's still the guy displaying lack of interest???? Just call him already.
OceanGirl Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Surely for you to know he had logged on to the dating site then you must also have been logged on. Plus you could have IM'd him just as easily. He could have been thinking "why is she logged on when she is supposed to be too ill to go out" Yeah I could have IM-ed him, but I was hoping that he would. I also uploaded some new pictures of myself on the dating site tonight out of boredom which would show up in his updates. He may think that I am still very actively looking for new potentials and making up the story of being sick. Perhaps I will put myself on the line tomorrow and call him. I have a really bad feeling that I will be rejected
Cee Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I go with Carhill. Make your dating retro- circa 1985 - and give the guy a telephone call to reschedule. Yeah, why not call him. There's no need to test his interest via text. You can take a little more charge of the situation by calling. You can watch the movie Swingers for inspiration on what not to do in a call. Low interest isn't necessarily a problem after the first date. Maybe I'm old fashioned, but I think interest develops over time through deepening intimacy. Meh, maybe you shouldn't listen to me. I disabled my OKC profile months ago. Thought it bred dysfunctional communication and cafeteria style romance. I hope you don't think I'm berating you, but I did OKC for two years and my one regret is I didn't take more chances and do things like calling men more. The outcome may have been the same, but at least in a call, I would have known where I stood a whole lot faster.
OceanGirl Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 ...You canceled (for good reason, fair enough), he said he hopes to see you soon, you said 'Maybe this weekend'.. And you think he's the one 'not showing that much interest'?! C'mon, you got pissed the last time a guy declined a date on a weekend even though he offered a definite alternate date. This time, you are cancelling and you didn't even offer a definite alternative... and you think it's still the guy displaying lack of interest???? Just call him already. I know, the thing is I know that I am interested and that I am being sincere - but yeah he can't know that.
zengirl Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Personally, I would've called to cancel (unless I was sick and without a voice to the point where it'd be impossible). I'll text to cancel with my friends or boyfriend now, and I'll make plans via text and appointments, but I always cancel by calling. It just seems polite and more sincere. But you can't go back in time. All the same, I'd say that you should initiate contact next for sure and not in a casual way but with definite and distinct plans (when you're ready to make them).
OceanGirl Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 The thing is, there are guys that I have dated and that have chased me even when I was clearly blowing them off. I wish this guy was like that so that I would know for sure that he is interested
waynebrady Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Women seem to be so overly concerned about who should initiate contact. It's ridicilous No offence. It's like if the guy has done all the work so far and initiated every contact so far then if the woman has to initiate contact even once they usually say "But I don't want to chase him", Give me a break
Andy_K Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Most (smart) guys learn fairly quickly in the dating scene that if a girl cancels on them, and doesn't offer both a sincere apology and a real effort to scheduling in a concrete alternative date, nine times out of ten it'll never happen. Since you've been the one to cancel, and you've only been vague about offering up an alternative date/time, chances are he's not willing to bet the house on you actually following through with it. So I agree with the others, the ball is in your court and you need to call him. Or at least text.
Chocolat Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I also uploaded some new pictures of myself on the dating site tonight out of boredom which would show up in his updates. He may think that I am still very actively looking for new potentials and making up the story of being sick. SAC, please read this. What would you think if he had done this? Why are you sabotaging yourself?
musemaj11 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) I hope the guy already moved on. Its best for him not to open the Pandora's Box. Edited November 17, 2010 by musemaj11
runner Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I know, the thing is I know that I am interested and that I am being sincere - but yeah he can't know that. unless you change your ways, then you probably just want to be alone. good luck with that.
Cracker Jack Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) The thing is, there are guys that I have dated and that have chased me even when I was clearly blowing them off. I wish this guy was like that so that I would know for sure that he is interested That's just being unrealistic and kinda selfish, actually. Why can't you go out of your way to show interest? Edited November 17, 2010 by Cracker Jack
waynebrady Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 That's just being unrealistic and kinda selfish, actually. Why can't you go out of your way to show interest? Because she's a woman and women don't do that.
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