mistakemaker Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 103 days. That's all it lasted, but i was hooked from day 0. We agreed "just dating", no committment but I swear, he knew all the right things to say and all the right ways to behave. I jumped off the cliff 2 hours into our 1st date. However, I knew we were not exclusive so I put up all of my walls. I could write a book, "The Things Left Unspoken". He ended it, choosing the other woman he was dating. He wanted to reamin in my life as friends- ummmmmmm, NO! Can't do that! Bottom line, she was more available and wanted to have children (I don't want any more). HEARTBROKEN does not even come close to explaining how I felt. I even called in sick to work and cried for at least 24 hours without stopping. He called me in the middle of this. I saw him swollen eyes and all- fighting tears the entire time (didn't have sex). Found out from mutual friends that they thought I was "just a booty call". Clearly, I felt differently. I cannot and will not believe thats what he felt. I just can't, given all that was said and done. 2 weeks later (after it ended), he texted me. I chose NC (any idea what pure TORTURE that was/is). Was he having second thoughts? Was he just wanting a choice? Was he still just holding on? A week after that he is "in a realtionship" (status change). I cannot stop thinking about what I should have done differently and I VERY BADLY want to contact him even though I KNOW he is with someone else. I even considered returning belongings in a drive by...seriously? I am an adult! It was such a short relationship. How did I fall so hard so fast? Why cannot I not move past this?
shayan Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 woah, woah, woah... slow down. you feel deep for someone who wanted something casual. Now I am going to tell you something from the bottom of my heart because I have done this to a girl before. If a guy just wants something casual that means there is no hope from the start. In fact, if you hear the word casual it more likely translates too, "you're fun but I would never consider you as a serious life partner :(" I am so sorry it comes out to that, but it's the truth. If a guy really likes you he probably won't tell you about the other girl from the get go. Don't bother calling him, or going after him, or anything. You fell so fast for him because you knew he was up for grabs and he didn't want anything. That's the most alluring part about people, "the they don't want me" charm. You need to heal hun, and it seems like it's going to take some work. Invest your time reading posts which talk about recovery and self healing.
fun2bewith Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 103 days. That's all it lasted, but i was hooked from day 0. We agreed "just dating", no committment but I swear, he knew all the right things to say and all the right ways to behave. I jumped off the cliff 2 hours into our 1st date. However, I knew we were not exclusive so I put up all of my walls. I could write a book, "The Things Left Unspoken". He ended it, choosing the other woman he was dating. He wanted to reamin in my life as friends- ummmmmmm, NO! Can't do that! Bottom line, she was more available and wanted to have children (I don't want any more). HEARTBROKEN does not even come close to explaining how I felt. I even called in sick to work and cried for at least 24 hours without stopping. He called me in the middle of this. I saw him swollen eyes and all- fighting tears the entire time (didn't have sex). Found out from mutual friends that they thought I was "just a booty call". Clearly, I felt differently. I cannot and will not believe thats what he felt. I just can't, given all that was said and done. 2 weeks later (after it ended), he texted me. I chose NC (any idea what pure TORTURE that was/is). Was he having second thoughts? Was he just wanting a choice? Was he still just holding on? A week after that he is "in a realtionship" (status change). I cannot stop thinking about what I should have done differently and I VERY BADLY want to contact him even though I KNOW he is with someone else. I even considered returning belongings in a drive by...seriously? I am an adult! It was such a short relationship. How did I fall so hard so fast? Why cannot I not move past this? I understand what you going through...It makes it worse when we think about all the questions that are unanswered...What do you need or what will it take for you to close this chapter?
Author mistakemaker Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Shayan- You are so right- I KNOW this- all of it. Problem is with me. I played the same game...and lost. I played the "just want casual" card thinking EXACTLY what you said about allure. Well, it backfired and I can't help thinking, what if? What if I had said all the things my heart was screaming the whole time? What if I called or txt every time I wanted to? What if I had let him in completely? Then, since this is what it seems he was looking for, chosen me to be committed too? Remember, the other girl was in the same situation.
Author mistakemaker Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 to Fun2bewith-Well, my first inclination is "one more time" to say what I want and ask what I want. BUT, I know that will just make me a fool. If he had never contacted me again, this would be easier. It's that ONE contact that makes me think...
shayan Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 mistake, kiddo, listen to me you can't play the casual card. If it's not real and you're maksing your emotions because you're afraid then it will only show more. You can only play that card well... if you genuinely feel that way and I'm pretty sure that's how he felt. Listen it doesn't matter if you would have said anything or not he would not have been able to choose the other girl over you if he genuinely felt for you. Trust me, I've been in this situation before I've played these cards, and I will never do this to a girl again. Stop and learn now. Realize that men are creatures who will chase what they desire most and string on things they desire less. Move on hun, move on...
shayan Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 and next time be real don't mask your feelings ok, be real never mask, be yourself, be truthfull with your feelings. You want to find people who will allow you to do that. But take your time, go slow with people.
skydiveaddict Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 How did I fall so hard so fast? Why cannot I not move past this? I know, I ask myself the same question all the time:why so hard and so fast? And why can't I let her go? Even after all this time? Hell, I was half way across the world for most of it. I don't know what to tell you other than I feel the same way.
Author mistakemaker Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Thanks Shayan. It's helpful to know that you think it wouldn't have made a difference. It probably wouldn't have. Doesn't stop me from beating myself up over not being true to myself. What would I have lost? The same damned thing-just sooner.
zig Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I've often wondered how I can fall so hard, so fast too. I just broke off a one month relationship and it's hard to admit I miss her and I'm heart broken. So how do you get past this? I've found when I can't get over a relationship it's normally because I hold out hope she'll come back. Let all hope go and you'll heal faster.
Author mistakemaker Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Well, I guess I'm glad I'm not the only one that fell "hard and fast", although I suppose as a sky diver, this is natural for you. I am trying, really, I am. But the first thing on my mind when I open my eyes and the last thing when I close them is him. All day, I can keep myself busy...hours go by and I don't think about him. But just as my head hits the pillow, there it is!
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