havehope Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Never really had self-esteem issues until the past year or so. When people say something nice about me, I feel good... but I don't want to rely on other people to be happy. I want to find happiness and selfconfidence on my own, so I can be how I used to be. Just not sure how really.
Author havehope Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Happy all the time. Didn't really care what other people thought. Took care of myself and wasn't a people pleaser. Able to stand up for what I thought. Didn't need validation from guys to feel good about myself.
D-Lish Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Happy all the time. Didn't really care what other people thought. Took care of myself and wasn't a people pleaser. Able to stand up for what I thought. Didn't need validation from guys to feel good about myself. So what was the defining moment that changed things? In my experience, finding yourself again involves engaging in personal endeavours that bring you confidence. It's about achieving personal goals. In order for me to find my inner confidence again, I had to do a lot of soul searching, and I found solace in defining my career. I think once you find a place for yourself in your professional life- you're ready to tackle personal relationships. In the past 8 years since my divorce, I've been both my own worst enemy, and my own best friend. When you can reconcile with that- you can tackle almost anything.
Author havehope Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Thanks D - I appreciate it - you have good advice and I follow your threads mostly. You've helped me before with a similar issue and I take it to heart. Defining moment was the end of a relationship and it made me realize that I depended on them for validation to feel good, for my happiness, so when they left me it's like my happiness and self confidence left as well. I signed up to volunteer, and joined a zumba class. I hope that will help! And I landed my dream job - I'm so thankful for that. Just don't want to blow it because I don't have the confidence I should at work. I want to be that girl who others look at and know she's happy with who she is and has self-confidence. I know I will one day... just some days like today it hits you a little harder.
D-Lish Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) Thanks D - I appreciate it - you have good advice and I follow your threads mostly. You've helped me before with a similar issue and I take it to heart. Defining moment was the end of a relationship and it made me realize that I depended on them for validation to feel good, for my happiness, so when they left me it's like my happiness and self confidence left as well. I signed up to volunteer, and joined a zumba class. I hope that will help! And I landed my dream job - I'm so thankful for that. Just don't want to blow it because I don't have the confidence I should at work. I want to be that girl who others look at and know she's happy with who she is and has self-confidence. I know I will one day... just some days like today it hits you a little harder. Sure it does, that's natural, but you can't give up on yourself. So, you landed a dream job, good place to focus your energy! Throw yourself into being the best you can be on that front. Stick with it, and create your own accomplishments. The way others see us is always going to be an issue, but it should never be a focus for us. You don't need anyone else to tell you that you are awesome, and the greatest reward you can give yourself is to know that. Your new job is your opportunity to focus on non-relationship crap. Throw yourself into that, submerge yourself in that. It will take your mind off of your personal life and give you a renewed sense of self worth as you put more accomplishments under your belt. It's not really a matter of finding your self esteem as much as it is rediscovering it. It will come, but you will have to make a concerted effort to make a comeback. You have the tools, you have the motivation- you can find that place again, I have no doubt. Oh, and don't forget, fake it until you make it works wonders! Edited November 17, 2010 by D-Lish
jean-luc sisko Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 OP, focus on your strengths and see yourself as a worthwhile person.
exoduse22 Posted November 24, 2010 Posted November 24, 2010 You are exactly like me. It is very hard to go back like you used to be. I also can't. Puberty hit and the more I understood people, the more I lost trust into people.
jean-luc sisko Posted December 28, 2010 Posted December 28, 2010 OP, what do you like about yourself?
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