jl1981 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Hi all, I have been reading through these forums for 2 days now and there is so many different things, I can't work out what I need to do. My wife and I split up 10 days ago now, literally out of the blue she said that she was unhappy and I was basically the cause of it She also explained that she cannot get fears out of her head from a previous break up ( I will come to that) We have 2 children, a 7 year old son and a 3 year old daughter. Every single member of my family (Wife and 2 children) mean literally everything to me, they are my entire world! I honestly feel like throwing myself off the nearest bridge, but I know I would be unlucky enough to survive lol. I'm not eating very well, I'm getting around 4 hours sleep a night, I had a panic attack today, I'm completely losing the plot and have tried every possible measure to think of anything other than my wife, but that doesn't work and makes me worse! I would literally do anything to get her back!!! ( I also lost 12 pounds in 7 days) If i knew she had been unhappy for a while or had some kind of insight that she was not in love with me anymore then I would walk away to allow her to be happy! problem is I know how much she loves me, some people will say "texts are easily made up" but I have a message on my phone (infact a lot of messages) but 3 or 4 in particular that stand out... Only 3 weeks ago (bearing in mind we have been apart 10 days already) I recieved a message early in the morning whilst she was at work, the way she says it shows meaning, she says how much she loves me and that she doesn't show it enough, that I mean the world to her and she would do anything for me and that I am her one and only for ever ( I have a lot of other messages about how she loves me etc, I recieve them all the time and respond with how much I love her) on top of this is the way she tells me she loves me in person, the looks, the meaning, actions, the amazing love making (not just sex, literally love making!!) and then this out of the blue... I'm on my arse now, basically I'm at a friends with him and his dad, no car, no money, no nothing... 4 years ago near enough to the day, I left my wife as i was unhappy (I did the same thing as this, it was out of the blue to her) She really did treat me pretty poor for around a year and I couldn't cope anymore, no matter how much love I had for her, I couldn't do it! I left her pretty poor too, YES she had money, We sold the house pretty quickly, YES she had a car, but I treated her like crap to try and push her away, to make her feel unwanted and deter her from trying to get me back, I even got with another women who I was flat sharing with! all this to stop her (when really I wanted to go back and hold her all teh time!) After 10 months of fighting for me, I gave in and took her back... I spent 6 months in a flat with a friend so we could date and enjoy each others company slowly, working up to moving back in with her and my children. I forgot to mention a bad thing I did... I left her when she was pregnant with my daughter Something that I will always regret! The whole thing, leaving her, everything, i regret with deepest remorse! So during this period, she gained my trust and I also regained hers, it was amazing to be back with my wife! We have been together again now for 3 years, we have endured our happiest times! Like I say she tells me all teh time in deepest romance how much she loves me..... HOWEVER! I was jobless, she had just been working, we have small debts which took everything we had, we are around 6 months from clearing them, but skint until then! I didn't show her as much emotion as she showed me. The job she had was as a carer and the lady she cared for died, she worked 5 nights a week there including the ENTIRE weekend! She was there when the lady died! she cried for a couple of days, I did everything to comfort her (but was still lazy not having a job! not that I didn't try applying) So I do see the errors of my ways! but maybe i'm only seeing some of it??? i dunno... Since I left the home, I have recieved calls from utility companies asking for my permission to take me off the bills and my landlord too... today I wanted to speak to the kids, she tried to discourage me but I want to speak to them everyday... My son was crying his eyes out and explained how mummy told him that daddy is moving to a new house. I broke, literally broke... i feel dead inside! mentally and physically! infact I already did form the break up and not gettig anything out her, but I broke down big time AGAIN! To my luck ( or not luck, whichever) I started a new job today being told yesterday that I should go for an interview quick and got it there and then!(why couldn't this have come 2 or 3 weeks ago?????) I have text terrorised her! I tell her I love her, how I'm not giving up the fight for her, i dont understand whats happened, I either get no reply or "its over, move on and deal with it" the last message was "please leave me alone, im not interested" She is doing EVERYTHING I did to push her away when we broke up!! but she fought and foughtwith everything she has.. but now she doesn't know why she fought?? she can't see what she fought for now.... ( I have stopped this now though, hard as hell! I keep tryiong to fight the urge to text or call, but it's the hardest thing ever to do) Sorry for the long post.. hard to shorten all that! Basically I love her with every last bone in my body, heart and soul! she is the world to me (as are the kids, that's unconditional and goes without saying!! they will always be my babies) I feel like I've lost her, it feels like she has died and is no longer in this world anymore.... it's horrible! I need advice or anything to try and get me back on track, i want her back, I will fight till the die i die.
hopesndreams Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 When a woman says she's done, she's done. Not much you can do to change her mind. Get into IC and make yourself the best person you can be. Accept that the M is over, get a lawyer and make arrangements in regards to the children.
iheartboobs Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I'm not sure what to tell you about the texts... if I completely understood women I'd be rich. What I can tell you is that 2 days, 2 ****ing days before my wife left I sat her down, explained that I could tell something was wrong, and asked her if there was anything we could do or if we should take a break from each other. She cried for hours telling me it wasn't my fault, that she was just going through some depression, that she loved me more than anything and that she could not lose me or she'd die. 2 days later, she was gone, we were done, she was sick of being unhappy, and it was all my fault. I know you want to read old texts and believe your wife still really wants you, but that's not the truth. Women aren't logical like men, they're emotional, and feelings change a lot faster than thoughts. What she felt 3 weeks ago has nothing to do with how she feels now... on the bright side, how she feels now pretty much has nothing to do with how she'll feel in 3 weeks. So, there's always hope.
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