TheGreeters Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 I'm here because I'm definitely going to explode...literally. I've had enough. I've had just about enough of everything in my relationship with my gf. OK, thats not true. But I'm not up for alot of garbage that I deal with. I've been getting angry very easily lately, annoyed very easily too. I don't know where it stems from. I think maybe it could be my jealousy about the most everyday things, but then again-- I'm having trouble being controlled. We've been going out for 3 years now. We're young. I'm afraid...I've listened to the warnings. I don't want to wake up one day at 30 wondering where my life went. I can't be married at such a young age. I want to be free, I always have. I never had long expectations for this relationship, I wanted out of it in the very beginning. 'Jack, I don't know what time would be good to break up with her...but I can't see it going far". There wasn't a "spark" in the beginning...I don't even think I was attracted to her. I was scared because our conversations were dull too. And here I am today. I wonder everyday if I'm a wuss...if I did the right thing by sticking by this. Am I a wuss? "Lucky" I got her? Nah man, I don't want that. I love her and then I hate her. Back and forth it goes. The frustrating phonecalls over fights over nothing is was kill me. Feeling like I should be somewhere else, somebody else kills me too. Am I scaring myself into this thing? She's GREAT..so the question of "how can I ever lose her" goes through my head. I get so pissed sometimes. PeACE!
spencer Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 yes your head is going to explode. Do you think your doing her a favor by staying in this relationship? I doubt she is happy. If I thought my bf felt like you, I wouldn't want him around, I would want him to have the balls to respect me and be honest, so I could go find someone else worthy of my time and effort. Rather arguing over bulls@#t, sit down and tell her what your feeling. get some help with this anger your feeling for your own sake.
meanon Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 It doesn't matter how great she is - the relationship isn't and you need to do something about it. This level of anger is not good for either of you. At first it seemed clear you should end it but now there's a doubt in my mind. You mentioned jealously, fights over nothing, worry about whether you should break up, worry about whether you liked her AT ALL in the beginning. You sound as though you are questioning every aspect of the relationship all the time. 3 years is a long time - have you always done this? If so this may have more to do with you than the relationship per se.
stevewharnell Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 I thank you so much for the replies. Hearing that she should "be with somebody that deserves her time and effort" really bothers me. It eats me up in fact. Maybe that gives you a sign on how much I care for her... And maybe I was just in a bad mood when I wrote the topic. Because I really do love her...its just that sometimes it gets so hard. I want to be perfect for her, I want to be everything for her...she's my sweetheart and I want her smile the widest grins for her whole life... She deserves the world... I feel pressure alot. I feel that if I don't show up to be every right place at every right time...I'll be forgotten. I'm afraid of what her family thinks if I don't show up to places they don't want me to. I think poster #2 is incredible for noting that maybe its something with me. Throughout the relationship, sure I've thought about the "what ifs" on where i'd be if i didn't go out with her... but maybe its cause i'm only 20. maybe this serious stuff isn't fit for me just yet. i often feel like...disappointed at who i am and missing who i used to be. maybe i'm using my relationship as a scapegoat for all my problems though. i couldn't imagine life without her, my insides collapse when i'm not with her for a day. anxiety disorder? fear of loss? jealousy? help me fix myself
GenXer Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Dude, what are you doing with a girlfriend at 20? You need to date lots of different women until you're at least 25. How else will you ever know what you need, want, dislike, etc.? This frustrating experience is trying to teach you what your boundaries and limits are but you're trying to ignore it. Definitely tell your girlfriend how you feel and that--for your own mental health--you need to see other people. Best of luck...
stevewharnell Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Wait, explain this: "..is trying to teach you what your boundaries and limits are but you're trying to ignore it" Go in-depth, I'm not sure what you mean. I'm glad ya'll are listening to me. Every old person I meet scares the hell outta me when they tell me "what are you doin! 20! too young! get movin!". I don't want to be doing the wrong thing with my life!
End of my rope Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Have you ever heard the saying that if you love something you should set it free? And if it comes back to you then it was always yours, and if it doesn't then it never belonged to you. I was in a situation similar to yours and was married and divorced before I ever turned 21. I told myself he was wonderful and made me happy and I was just being selfish...and all the other things that are going through your head. For me, it turned out that it wasn't him I was clinging to, it was what he represented. I was afraid if I let him go I wouldn't be able to find someone to fill the void he would leave. In short, I WAS AFRAID TO BE ALONE. After 3 years of being with someone you get used to that person and the thought of not having them to fall back on can be scary. I'm not saying you should end things with your girl, but maybe you two should take a breather and make sure it's each other you love and not what you represent to one another...
meanon Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 You need to find someone to talk this through with, do you have a friend you can trust? LS is good for this sortof thing too. Some of what you are saying sounds like fear of change. Even if she is great, maybe you need to experience more of the world and of yourself with different people before you settle down. On the other hand, it does sound to me as though you may be plagued by this need to be perfect (and consequent doubt, jealousy and anger when you are not) even without her. If you want to stay in the relationship longer term then she may be able to help you sort it out. So I think the starting point is deciding whether you are in or out, then you can sort yourself out. Good luck.
gaia Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 Reading your posts has left me feeling very confused. I guess this is how you must be feeling too. Your first post made it sound like you had drifted into a relationship, you don't fancy her, you don't get on well together and you feel angry with yourself all the time for staying. Your second post full of love and wondering how you'd manage without her. If you could give us a bit more background to the relationship, has anything happened recently, what you do together etc etc I think we might be able to better help you. I am wondering, though, as others have said, whether it is the fear of being alone, not finding someone else that's making you stay. Please tell us more. I feel like I'm advising you with way too little info here
Fofinha Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 I can't be married at such a young age. I want to be free, I always have. There is your answer. Walk away. Doubting so much now, is really NOT a good sign.
stevewharnell Posted March 9, 2004 Posted March 9, 2004 I'm not afraid of not being able to get with anybody else if I break up with her. I often think about other girls I can get with if I were single. In a way, I get disappointed that I'll never get to REALLY know any more about certain girls due to my current relationship. When I think about life without her, I do get afraid. I start missing things we share....things that we do... things that she does that no one will ever do. I'm full of contradictions it seems. Why am I confused like this?
spencer Posted March 11, 2004 Posted March 11, 2004 You are confused because you are 20 who wasn't at this age ? especially about relationships at 20 years old, one cannot possibly have had enough relationship experience. you will, through experience, learn what it is that you don't want. I think this is what the 20's are for, figuring out what you want by learning what you don't want. just my backwards philosophy. Do: listen to you inner voice or instincts, be as true to what you want/or don't want as possible. Don't: be misled by what society tells you about what you "should" want. Finally: try not to leave much destruction in your wake. your assignment is to read "the way of the peaceful warrior" by dan millman its short and related to whats going on with you right now.
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