how to cope and deal with these feelings?

[Jlovestruckx0]

My boyfriend and I of almost two years just broke up yesterday. We had a petty argument and he said he couldnt be in a relationship like this, he needs time to think he says. He says I am trying to change him and that im not happy with who he is as a person. I dont see it this way, i see it as Im asking him for a bit of change for the better. Hes a very stubborn person and all he does is joke around which i love , but there are times when i need him to take me seriously and i feel like he doesnt. He did some things that in my book were messed up and i was asking for an apology, a sincere apology. All i got was a sarcastic " im sorry for this and that but i dont think i did anything else wrong. The scenario played out like this: Thursday night my ex boyfriend called for the first time in idk how many years and i panicked because my boyfriend was here and i didn't want him to think anything weird so i put my phone in my room and left it there off. He got mad and we almost broke up , i understood how i made it look suspicious but i told him i would completely cut off contact with him and i was extremely sorry , we were fine again. Then friday night i looked in his phone in his deleted messages and found texts to a girl he used to go to school with saying how he was disappointed that they couldnt hang out and how she better be good so he can go see her... at this point i was pissed because i feel like he was being hypocrite by making me feel bad but then doing something even worse? I didn't speak to him much Saturday and i didn't see him i slept over my gf's house to just get away for awhile. He on the other hand told me he was home then i find the next day that he went to a strip club with his brother and wasn't going to tell me if my brother hadn't brought it up!!! I think at this point i have the right to get angry with him. Its not even like i freaked and yelled i honestly calmly asked for an apology, i wanted to feel that he cared enough to put his stubborn ways to the side and truly apologize and he refused all he said was im sorry ina sarcastic tone, how is that fair? I feel dumb about everything and taking everything as lightly as i did and a simple apology that i want i cant get from him? Last night we talked and he decided that he couldnt be ina relationship like this , basically hes afraid to try and work things out , so hes running , and now im left hurtand forced into a breakup that i dont want. I figure i can give him some time, but its hard especially when i see him all the time around school and he only lives a couple of blocks away. I want him to regret breaking up with me and to really miss me and realize he needs me , what can I do. I know that hes going to miss me because we are extremely close, but he'll never show it to me, how can i get him to open up to me and make him feel how i feel, guy advice , girl advice? Help?

[AlisaMarie]

Aww, this sucks! I feel so bad that you're hurting like this. It sounds like there isn't a lot of trust in your relationship. If an ex from years ago contacted me, I would hope that whoever I was with would understand. Maybe you should have just told your bf what happened, but you can't go back. Why did you feel the urge to look through his phone? Obviously you weren't able to trust him anyway. I vowed to never look through a phone unless my bf gave me reasons of mistrust. Sadly, that has happened in every freaking relationship I have been in. I really give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Anyway, the best thing at this point would be the no contact rule. If he's going to miss you, you have to let him... although there are no guarantees on this. Just don't contact or put yourself out there for a couple weeks, and let him do what he wants. If he truly loves and misses you, he'll come around. If not, go out and meet new people. I haven't found him yet, but there are guys out there that don't lie and cheat... or so I have heard.

[shayan]

if he was able to break up with you so non-chalantly then I think he has already invested a good amount of time emotionally dettaching himself from you. I would advise that you don't sit around worrying about how he still feels for you because his decision shows that he feels he needs you out of his life as a girlfriend. Your best shot is to try and work on yourself doing this time and shift your focus. He may call you back, he may not. But know this if he's talking to other girls like this on his phone there is a possiblity he is already considering other options.

 

good luck I'm telling you work on yourself.

[Jlovestruckx0]

I do trust him , but like everyone else i only trust people to a certain extent. I don't believe he would cheat on me , I'm just nosy hence the phone searching lol. I just don't know what to do , he wants us to be friends but hes not sure if the break up with be permanent, he says he needs time to think. I understand that but what should I do? Am I suppose to be his friend while he thinks things through. I'm just hurt that I don't need time , I know I want him and this break up is killing me. We literally did everything together and were so so so close , we hung out basically everyday, hes my best friend, and I don't want to lose him as my boyfriend. I can't be his friend its too hard. I want him to want me back , should I act as if the break up doesn't phase me? I've become so dependent on him always being by my side , so now I'm lost ):

[darran]

Just don't contact or put yourself out there for a couple weeks, and let him do what he wants. If he truly loves and misses you, he'll come around. If not, go out and meet new people. I haven't found him yet, but there are guys out there that don't lie and cheat... or so I have heard.

 

good advice there!

 

No one is perfect and we all lie...to an extent. Cheating...Is a NO NO, I did it, then had it done on me... since that feeling I've NEVER done it again.

 

Oh yea, quit the phone poking! Its the one thing that will completely mess things up IN YOUR HEAD....ask him straight, talk to him first, if he's doing something behind your back and you truly feel he is then YOU take time out and let him sweat it out.

Edited November 17, 2010 by darran

[Jlovestruckx0]

Any advice on how long I should wait before losing all hope in getting back together.. How much time can he really need to " miss me " ? I can't play the friend role forever...