lalka Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 My boyfriend (25) and I(24) have been in a LDR for 17 months. We live a good thousand miles away from each other and sometimes seeing each other is difficult. I'm in school full time, and when I'm not in class, I'm studying and doing homework. Therefore, I am unemployed as it would be difficult for me to keep up with school. On the other hand, my boyfriend constantly works. Before I began this program in school, and before his hours switched, we spoke on the phone constantly, and always saw each other on Skype. Lately, for the past few weeks, we had difficulty talking on the phone, kept our conversations short, and if we could we would text the majority of the time. Well, what happens next is what I need help with. First off, last year, during his birthday weekend, he came to see me as a surprise, and I made kind of an oopsie. His birthday weekend and my cousin's birthday weekend fell on the same weekend. All in all, my cousin was angry that i would not be joining her to celebrate, and with his approval, he stay at my house and I went to see her for a few hours. That was a big mistake, I've never heard the end of it. So, this year his birthday was this past weekend and because I am unemployed, I could not afford a ticket to see him. And now, he is angry with me, bringing up what happened last year, and won't even listen to the fact that a ticket for just the weekend was extremely expensive - 500$. Now, I'm in a situation where he hasn't talked to me in 3 days, and when I sent him a text last night, he wrote back to me saying that I should have saved up during the year, especially after what happened last year. And basically broke it off with me? (I think). He wrote, "it was a pleasure, goodbye." Basically, from what I'm understanding is that he is disappointed in me because I am broke. And I want to see him this week for thanksgiving. I have a week off from school and tickets are in my price range - well my parent's would be funding it. But I'm afraid he won't want me there, or he'll kick me out if I show up. What can I possibly do to make him realize this argument is just ridiculous?
folieadeux Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Firstly, I would definitely square away where you’re at with each other before anymore visits are made. The last thing you’d want to do is have your parents pay for your ticket and you take away time from your own life only to have him call it quits. If you decide to go, is there anyway you can use the money your parents were going to loan you for the Thanksgiving trip and use it to fund the birthday one instead? Maybe make one big trip instead of two? I’m also a tad bit confused over last year’s birthday deal. Why didn’t everyone all just go out together instead of having him stay home? In all honesty, I’d be pissed too if I travelled all that way to see my boyfriend and he didn’t invite me to go out and left me home. Maybe I’m just getting the story wrong but that’s just what I got from things so far.
Omei Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 (edited) **** happens, people make mistakes in choices...yeah you prolly should of took him to the party when he came to see you or was that not an option with your angry cousin? Anyways you're not made of money, flights are expensive right now is he not willing to compromise? And to dump you because you cant afford a ticket and made an mistake last year is a ****ty reason to leave someone did he not treasure all the times you had after? He's being unreasonable. I would not play the ignore game he's doing to you atm, imo he's playing a hurtful game. Leave him be see if he'll send you a msg and start being reasonable again, if he doesn't oh well!! in a relationship there are harder walls to climb than this issue. Edited November 17, 2010 by Omei
Author lalka Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Well, I should have been more clear about the party. My cousin had her birthday party thing at this bar/club where he used to work - and after spending much time trying to convince him to go with me, he refused because he hated the place. That was my mistake. And I understand that he is mad at me for it and won't forget about it. But, I guess you can say we broke up tonight. He told me that distance wasn't what ended it, but money. I'm still convinced there must be a different reason because after 17 months, and loving someone as much as he loved me and I loved him.... there is no way he can become so shallow within 1 weekend.
folieadeux Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Well, I should have been more clear about the party. My cousin had her birthday party thing at this bar/club where he used to work - and after spending much time trying to convince him to go with me, he refused because he hated the place. That was my mistake. And I understand that he is mad at me for it and won't forget about it. But, I guess you can say we broke up tonight. He told me that distance wasn't what ended it, but money. I'm still convinced there must be a different reason because after 17 months, and loving someone as much as he loved me and I loved him.... there is no way he can become so shallow within 1 weekend. Thanks for clearing that up. You gave him the choice to go and he refused; you did everything you could. But that's neither here nor there now. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup but it really is for the best. You deserve to be with someone who doesn't hold year old grudges (we're all human and make mistakes) and value money above people. Yes, it costs money to be in an LDR, but there are ways to compromise and work around that.
aerogurl87 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Well, I should have been more clear about the party. My cousin had her birthday party thing at this bar/club where he used to work - and after spending much time trying to convince him to go with me, he refused because he hated the place. That was my mistake. And I understand that he is mad at me for it and won't forget about it. But, I guess you can say we broke up tonight. He told me that distance wasn't what ended it, but money. I'm still convinced there must be a different reason because after 17 months, and loving someone as much as he loved me and I loved him.... there is no way he can become so shallow within 1 weekend. I'm gonna play devil's advocate for a bit and say that saying money is NOT a shallow reason to end a LDR. In fact it's a very valid reason and perhaps this weekend was the breaking point for him. If both people don't have the funds to go visit each other on a regular basis then a LDR does start to become pointless. My boyfriend said if I hadn't come to see him the first time we met, which was about 3 months after meeting online, then he would've ended things. Not that I would've blamed him since a LDR is hard enough, but when there's no financial backing for trips and you can't see each other, it becomes even more frustrating and daunting.
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