john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I've been seeing this girl that I'm finding extremely difficult to figure out, she talks a good game but has cancelled on me 3 or 4 times with pretty ropey excuses. I've had chats with her about it but she always seems to wriggle out it. I really don't want to go through the relationship worrying everytime we are due to meet if she will turn up and I just get the feeling it's the sign of things to come. She always initiates contact and says how great she thinks I am but I get the feeling she maybe has other guys on the side she isn't telling me about as she is attractive. She cleverly says thinks that she's been hurt in the past but is she just flaking on me and only seeing me when nothing better is on? Or is she testing my loyalty? I don't want to be a laughing stock here
Author john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Yeah we've meet a good few times but it seems to be one meet one ignore kinda thing
Author john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 I can't see how she can't just say she can't come over right away instead of building my hopes up all day then coming up with a poor excuse it just seems really cruel. I always say if you can't make it we can rearrange then she keeps me hanging on then cancels it's so frustrating.
GorillaTheater Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 How long have you been dating? If not that long, three or four cancellations would probably be a deal-breaker for me.
Author john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 I'd say 2 months or so, she keeps wanting to dive in and put a label on it but I've been holding out a bit as I've been hurt in the past, I get the feeling she bounces from one relationship to the next but I want to be sure before I get into anything. Could this be the reason she is acting kind of strange?
GorillaTheater Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Could this be the reason she is acting kind of strange? She's acting strange because you're just an option at this point. She's interested in you, but not that interested. Three or four cancellations in 2 months would likely not work for me. It's disrepectful of you, and you're not going to have much of a relationship with a woman who doesn't respect you.
Author john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 we haven't had sex yet either for one reason or the next she seems to be holding out on me, I don't want to come across as a creep by keeping on mentioning it but I thought we would've been doing it by now. As I say she says she has put out too early in the past and been hurt but the longer it goes on the more I feel like she's just using me because I'm a nice guy and has no intentions at all.
Author john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Like you say Gorilla the respect aspect is a big thing for me and I know the more times I let her away with it the worse it will be but I keep clinging to the idea that she just doesn't want to get hurt. Do you think I should stop contact altogether maybe and see where it gets me? That way will I know for sure if she doesn't make much of an attempt?
Author john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 (edited) I've asked her before if there's someone else, if there's something about me she's not quite sure about but she just said no, I've got to take her word for that or we have no trust whatsoever. If it's worthwhile I'd fight for her but there's no point if the person isn't really that keen that's what I'm trying to decipher. Edited November 16, 2010 by john1988
GorillaTheater Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Like you say Gorilla the respect aspect is a big thing for me and I know the more times I let her away with it the worse it will be but I keep clinging to the idea that she just doesn't want to get hurt. Do you think I should stop contact altogether maybe and see where it gets me? That way will I know for sure if she doesn't make much of an attempt? I think your best bet might be to scale back significantly rather than just dropping the whole thing at this point, although I wouldn't fault you for doing the latter. Don't call or ask her out as much. If she's interested, she'll try to pick up the slack. If not, well, you'll have your answer either way.
Author john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 How did you two meet? Through a mutual friend and she asked me out, any advice you have would be welcomed
paleblue Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Short answer: She isn’t that interested. Start going out with other girls. She is not testing your loyalty. Us guys would like to think things like that but the reality of the situation is different. Listen to your gut. If you feel like something is funny, or she is talking to others than more likely than not you are correct. Its just a little too suspicious she always comes up with clever excuses. If she wasn’t so busy talking to other guys she would have plenty of time to focus on you. I don’t see that happening. Sorry.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Short answer: She isn’t that interested. Start going out with other girls. She is not testing your loyalty. Us guys would like to think things like that but the reality of the situation is different. Listen to your gut. If you feel like something is funny, or she is talking to others than more likely than not you are correct. Its just a little too suspicious she always comes up with clever excuses. If she wasn’t so busy talking to other guys she would have plenty of time to focus on you. I don’t see that happening. Sorry. Agreed. She is one of those people who prefer to waste time chatting on phone and online over actually wanting to spend time in person. People like her is a waste of time. And you guys aren't bf/gf. If she doesn't contribute even a little time in seeing you, then she's just a flakey date.
BrianK Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Yep, thats what it sounds like. This will soon be another popular thing to avoid.."The text message everyday, 1 phone call a week, 1 actual meet every 2 weeks relationship". Run away and find someone who actually wants a relationship. By the sounds of it she A- Has a boyfriend already and is cheating on him with you (or maybe not, seeing as there is no sex, could also be another guy she's further along with dating that IS having sex with her) B- She's a serial dater and you are just a number C- She's a mental case Pick one.
Author john1988 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Yep, thats what it sounds like. This will soon be another popular thing to avoid.."The text message everyday, 1 phone call a week, 1 actual meet every 2 weeks relationship". Run away and find someone who actually wants a relationship. By the sounds of it she A- Has a boyfriend already and is cheating on him with you (or maybe not, seeing as there is no sex, could also be another guy she's further along with dating that IS having sex with her) B- She's a serial dater and you are just a number C- She's a mental case Pick one. That's my biggest fear I hope she just leaves me alone if she doesn't want to date me
BrianK Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 That's my biggest fear I hope she just leaves me alone if she doesn't want to date me 9 times out of 10 thats the case, I dont think you need to worry about it here. Stop contacting her, if she wants to get in touch with you, she's a big girl and knows how. There can be no codependency on your end here. How old is this girl?
Author john1988 Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 Other items on the buffet haha I like that, think I'll steal that from you
sanskrit Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 we haven't had sex yet either for one reason or the next she seems to be holding out on me, I don't want to come across as a creep by keeping on mentioning it but I thought we would've been doing it by now. Tell her to stop that flakin' and grab the bacon.
phineas Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Tell her to stop that flakin' and grab the bacon. I actually did this. I also added someone else would be grabbing it if she didn't. She made plans on the spot. She even let my hands roam a little during the movie. Gave me a kiss at the end & a week later started flaking again when it came to scheduling another date. But she calls me every damn day. i'm cutting her phone time down now. i'm working on a basement remodel & just don't need the interruptions. She's probably got another guy on the line & I don't really care because I'm not going to obligate myself to a woman until she gives me a reason too.
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