The good days are O.K., but the bad days are torture

[scaredandalone1223]

Friday can not get her quick enough. I have SO much to say when we get to MC. I KNOW it's not going to be we walk in wrecked and walk out in each other's arms, but I am hoping for some insight when we leave. I NEED to hear some success stories. From others who have been here and things have worked out. I'm still seeing him almost daily, he's having a hard time at work so he's still calling and talking to me, he knows I'm here to listen, he's gave me a LITTLE bit of hope by saying he hasn't 'closed the door on us', he is looking foward to Friday as well, but he still says he's going to try to rent a place the weekend of Thanksgiving so he can be closer to work. I'm SOO WORRIED about this job situation sending him into a downward spiral which would just take all chances of our marriage surviving with it. I am doing better in that I'm more focused, I'm eating again, I am looking for jobs (two interviews this week) in my hometown so I could be closer to family, I still have moments of weakness, but I'm making it. I do NOT want to move, but I can not continue to live in our HOME if he's not coming back. That is the part that's killing me the most. If I move though, I really do not see how we are going to work on us. The boys and I will be 2 hrs. away, so the only time I will see him is when he is with them. I have even been asked out by 2 different guys who know me. I of course said NO WAY I WANT TO SAVE MY MARRIAGE, but I guess it's nice to know I would have a distraction if it came to that. I remind myself often to take deep breaths and tell myself YOU ARE AWESOME. Yes I have my faults, yes I AM working on them, but I can't destroy myself either.

 

So PLEASE if ANYONE has a success story or knows of a success story, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE share it. Most of the stories I've read are ones that didn't work, but surely there has to be some that have, otherwise why would there be MC instead of only divorce lawyers!

[What_Next]

scaredandalone, if you want to kill a few hours read through my thread. It will show you that there sometimes can be a reconciliation.

 

It will also show you just how bad things can get. We've been through some many ups and downs that I swear we need to get a badge!

 

Good luck and gods speed.

[tobydog]

Firstly, it is a good sign that you are both going to MC and keeping in contact. That would give me hope, as mine has severed all links with me and his 4yo son, wouldn't even consider talking to me let alone MC.

Good Luck, I wish you a happy outcome. x

[scaredandalone1223]

Thanks so much. At this point I'm really hoping actions speak louder than words! He's still talking to me, no arguing, just talking. He has said that he really is leaning more toward us staying apart because he doesn't want us to be back here in 6 months. He simply can not take that hurt again. He said he has agreed to MC and right now take it one step at the time. I'm going through a lot of self growth at the moment and have been able to tell him a lot of what he needs to hear. The difference is this time I MEAN IT! I've said before that I was going to work on things and change, but never took the steps to actually do it. I have found many helpful sites and have become really close with my notebook that I'm sorting through a lot of feelings in. While I never thought I was valuing others friendships over our marriage in many ways I was. I was looking for some type of attention to validate my self worth. I'm still not sure WHY this is the case, but I have finally come to recognize it and want to work through it. Things at his job are looking O.K., not a complete WIN, but NOT A FAILURE. As a matter of fact he may be offered an out of state job if this happens. I asked him if this were the case how would he leave his kids. His response was well IF we work things out I would want you all there with me. We've been through a lot and for the first time in 13 years I'm looking at my flaws. YES he has some, nobody is perfect, but I sent this ship to sea and I'm going to have to be the one to bring it back into port.

[Yvelysse]

I was in my marriage for more than 30 years. (Doesn't pay to start young. )

For me separation and eventually (papers are submitted) divorce, has been a slap in the face. I see it as I have failed. But honestly we failed each other.

 

The fact he will go to a MC is awesome! My ex told me when I said we needed counseling that he would not go. He did not want to see me get 'humiliated' for the failure I have been as a wife.

 

That M'dear is trippy!

Sadly now (too little too late for him) he sees his part in the death spiral we have experienced.

 

You HAVE more hope and positive energy on your side than many of protagonists in the tales of divorce.

 

More luck and love to you.