I hurt my girlfriends feeling more than once and now she ended. We've been meeting!

[darran]

Me 34 her 23 - the age difference does not matter, believe me. I've had a few partners before and this is probably the most compatible I've had!

 

We met 2.3 years ago, clicked immediately...I hadn't been with someone for a while, a good while. The usual...we never intended on living together so fast but it just happened. And to be honest, for the entire time most of it was ok.

 

Our problem...we both like to party...however, I am not a good drunk so ended up doing daft things which hurt her feelings. Lots of times! I never cheated on her or beat her but I did hurt her feelings.

 

I went to Ibiza this year with my friend...maybe not a wise move. But I never cheated and called her twice daily just to keep her in the loop. But her feelings were hurt. I mean I left her when things were already a little fragile...not that she was totally against it, I know she just didn't want me to leave and leave her alone. And she is not a needy girl, she has a good social life and often times we do our own thing.

 

When I got back I was really down and then swamped with work, this is at the very end of our rel. My head was busted! I started talking down to her, which I never did...I then used to get cranky and argue for no reason...and one day I asked her to move out to give me space.

 

She did and then I got the "I don't see this going anywhere so its over".

 

Naturally I was hurt...however, I've been here before so didn't really start doing all the daft things you do when you're emotional. There were moments but to be honest nothing major.

 

After she ended it though it wasn't long before we both thought it would be wise to take it slow...we actually genuinely love each other. And 100% have feelings for each other.

 

Anyway, she went on holiday for a week, when she got back I was the first to be called. We both had a very intimate conversation just about her personal life. It was nice. The following day, as I know her friends I decided to ask "Hows **** feeling?" Anyway, she found out I asked a friend and later that night called me and went absolutely nuts. I mean it was seriously trivial, I only asked a harmless question!!! Shouting I hate you, its over, move on, I have fallen out of love with you....I mean I got the business and it HURT!!!!

 

The following day I got a txt saying sorry, she shouldn't have shouted like that. That she just needs a bit of time.

 

I agreed and then wrote her a shortish email telling her why I loved her and why I hurt her and what life was like without her and reasons why we should not fall into an endless cycle of shouting and this that or the other. We either break-up and leave it at that or at least make an effort to take time and give each other a bit of space. I didn't grovel, I was just honest.

 

She then sent me a txt...saying "hey I read that email, I agree lets just take a bit of time". Later that evening I called and explained we should not contact each other for 2 weeks, let the dust settle and see at the end of it if we can make things work.

 

This girl absolutely LOVED me with everything. And yes I love her...we all make mistakes right?

 

Anyway, the two weeks didn't last too long and we've decided to meet up for a wee shopping trip. Make a night of it and have fun.

 

I have completely changed since my return from Ibiza. I don't drink and since work has died down I am more chilled. She has told me her feelings were not as strong as they were but yet we are meeting often and I can kinda tell, in there she still loves me. She has mentioned that she was scared to be hurt like that again...ya know, crying herself to sleep because of my stupid actions and what I would say. She says about being friends and I always make it absolutely clear I will not be her friend, we either take it very slow, each meeting as it comes and try to rebuild the trust or just go our separate ways but no friends.

 

What is puzzling me is she is giving nothing away. When I mentioned about 2 weeks of zero contact to clear our heads she has been sending me the odd txt message...nothing heavy. And, as I said, we're even going on a shopping night out...no I don't pay for everything. She is not like that.

 

Its strange, because on one side its like she cant let go of me, and well...I too cant let go of her. Things are not as crazy as they were and we seem to be enjoying each other company when we're going out but still...no real intimacy, yes there kisses and cuddles but nothing more. She knows for 100% that I don't want to be just friends and any time we meet it is to slowly rebuild the trust she lost. Trust in that I wont hurt her. And I have stuck to my word. I do things with her I never used to do, I give her my attention unlike before...I mean, I genuinely love this girl and am not doing this "just" to get her back I am doing it to show her how I genuinely feel about her.

 

She has said its strange, she is scared etc...

 

I dunno....I need someone else perspective on this! Can anyone shed light on what might be going through her head? Not so I can manipulate her but so I can be more giving to her needs at this moment and be more understanding.

 

Thanks guys.

[darran]

Anyone?

[AlisaMarie]

Darran,

It really sounds like she had enough of feeling bad about herself. You admitted that you may not be the best dude esp when you are drinking. Nothing hurts more than a guy saying move out I need space! Ouch! It sounds like you have a very toxic relationship with this girl. I don't know why she would have flipped on you for asking her friend how she was feeling. Did you maybe ignore her calls/texts while you were away, or while she was away? It sounds like she has become very insecure. From a girl's perspective, it sounds like she is just being very wise to your ways. He lashing out and keeping distant is her way of "punishing" you for hurting her all those times. She may not even know she's doing it. I am a sucker for love and I believe you when you say that you really love each other... but sometimes that love turns into an addiction like a drug. Keep taking it slow. Let her have a little bit of control, but don't give up!

[darran]

Yes I did ignore her calls occasionally, never intentionally...just didn't call back when I saw missed calls...well, yea, that's ignoring them.

 

The toxicity has gone...we're not alcoholics or drug heads...we just liked to party but its all changing ya know..we're at a point where we have to ask where do we take it now? And I have calmed WAY down with partying and well, she has in a way too.

 

We're meeting on Friday, mad thing is I feel a bit excited and looking forward to seeing her again...Im wondering if the feeling is mutual.

 

We did break the rule yesterday, she txt me, I txt her and then she joked saying "right no more texting till Friday"...ya know just trivial stuff. But the rule is being broke by meeting on Friday, but I genuinely reckon we're both well looking forward to it...she did remind me 3 times already lol...but in all seriousness...I assume its over...and if no change is seen, like real change in my behaviour she WONT be back. I know that for sure.

 

Im completely giving her control...I aint a walk over, but yea, I think you're right.

 

And thanks for your reply,

 

I was hoping a girl would give me her perspective!

[darran]

AlisaMarie,

 

I just txt my other half...or current ex...

 

Friday!!! Don't be flaking...! I'm actually looking forward to break dancing down a shopping isle while you browse the same things over and over again!

 

And she replied

 

Lol aye I'm still up for it! .. But this doesn't mean we are still 2gether..

Lol gd .. right cya friday!

 

Now i aint gonna reply but the "doesn't mean we are still 2gether" thing kinda got me...I'm just going with the flow. As I said, she knows 100% for definite that I am not doing friends and if she doesn't want to meet or do anything together just say and we can move on.

 

Is this a "im watching you" kinda thing?

[darran]

seriously....I need a how to be with a woman manual!!!!!!!!!