MorningCoffee Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Quick recap: married young, had long and mostly happy marriage till W passed away a few years ago. I am in my early 60s, routinely taken for ten years younger. As widower, have had three relationships -- two in their 50s met online, one in her 30s. Putting online dating sites aside, here's my dilemma. In real life, I only seem to run into and find attractive women like my last -- they're in their 30s. I go to the gym, and I'm lucky if they're old enough to be 30-somethings. I take classes for self-improvement, and the women are 20s, 30s, WTF? I enjoy interacting with all of these people but as for possible dating, I would like to find and meet and date women of a more appropriate age, but I just do not see them. Where are they?
ItsNeverForever Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Quick recap: married young, had long and mostly happy marriage till W passed away a few years ago. I am in my early 60s, routinely taken for ten years younger. As widower, have had three relationships -- two in their 50s met online, one in her 30s. Putting online dating sites aside, here's my dilemma. In real life, I only seem to run into and find attractive women like my last -- they're in their 30s. I go to the gym, and I'm lucky if they're old enough to be 30-somethings. I take classes for self-improvement, and the women are 20s, 30s, WTF? I enjoy interacting with all of these people but as for possible dating, I would like to find and meet and date women of a more appropriate age, but I just do not see them. Where are they? What? No replies to this post? Dammit, I was hoping for some tips, as I have the same trouble. *sigh* Not that I'm ready to date again yet, but I'm 40 (almost), and I'm RIGHT HERE! Not that it means much, but I took up a new (old) hobby and ended up meeting some really great people (including the love of my life who has ditched me because he's chickensh*t). Anyway, maybe that's an idea? I say forget the gym. Try a new hobby. Orrrrrr, believe it or not, a lot of my guy friends say they meet girls at the bookstore! I know that if I had the time to hang around the bookstore for an hour or two in a sitting I totally would, so maybe they're onto something!
quankanne Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 honestly? I think once a woman hits a certain age, she realizes that she doesn't really need marriage to identify or sustain her. At 45, I'm thinking that as much as I love being married, I don't believe I'd ever want to tie the knot again – or maybe even get involved*– because I know that if *I* am set in my ways, so is potential dating fodder who is my age! not to say that there aren't perfectly decent guys out there worthy of relationships, but I think at some point, women just want to simply their lives, and that often means not having to deal with someone else's issues/needs they way they had to with a spouse.
Cee Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 (edited) I have the same problem. Pretty much every single I encounter is in their 20s or 30s. I meet men in their 40s now and then, but usually they have a long time girlfriend or are married. I'm content at being single at the moment. I invest my energy in making new friends rather than dating. I know it's not the same as having someone to snuggle with, but it's a pretty good substitute. Edited December 23, 2010 by Cee forgot to write properly for a moment
sandcast123 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I am 53 and have been looking for a long time too. I just met a wonderful man while volunteering for a community service project. We are two months into things and I think I might have found the right guy! It is hard to find people - my advice is to do what you love and people who are like you will be there too. I tried to meet people through church - through singles events and that didn't work. It was almost like once I quit trying, I found him. Hang in there. It will work out for you!
2themoon&back Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 MC, how difficult to be a widow at a young age, and I like to think I have something to deal with. Now as far as dating sites, strange bunch there to me everything seems so unrealistic? the expectations of others. I said something like "I prefer to live in the moment" and everyone took that to mean I just wanted to get laid. Notttt. I think you find a passion you enjoy and peruse it. You then may have a good breeding ground to start with. The gym to me is more an independent endeavor where people have to be self involved. With a group activity, such as a support group, a book club, volunteering in the community is more open and relaxed for conversation and new possibilities. With all that said, I too, like INF said “may not be ready” and will need to know how this works out for you, I am 40 something or other and have not tested said waters. I also want to wish you the very best of Holidays !!!
Author MorningCoffee Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 honestly? I think once a woman hits a certain age, she realizes that she doesn't really need marriage to identify or sustain her. At 45, I'm thinking that as much as I love being married, I don't believe I'd ever want to tie the knot again – or maybe even get involved*– because I know that if *I* am set in my ways, so is potential dating fodder who is my age! not to say that there aren't perfectly decent guys out there worthy of relationships, but I think at some point, women just want to simply their lives, and that often means not having to deal with someone else's issues/needs they way they had to with a spouse. When I was 45, I was totally into what appeared to be my stable life: long happy marriage, growing child, thriving career, active in community. I hear what you're saying. And I agree that at a certain point in life, people have had experiences and carry a certain amount of baggage. As far as stuck in one's ways? :laugh::laugh: In the four years I have been on my own, I have changed work totally, now semi-retired. Pursued new interests by way of classes (theater, acting, dancing, writing), moved to the city to live in one of its most vibrant neighborhoods, joined a gym and working out regularly, started cycling, renewed hiking, and on and on. Also traveled solo, and even went to live in another country for month to soak in language and culture. Adventurous is the way my family now sees me -- after ransing my family and doing all the responsible things. Stuck? Not me. I can understand not being on the lookout for marriage, I love my single-ness and the freedom I have. I did meet a couple women who were totally focused on finding a husband. But I am not looking for that at this point. Not focused on re-marrying. Never say never, wouldn't rule it out, but come on, I am talking about dating, having fun, and maybe if we're lucky, making a special connection. I do know I would like to get close to someone -- I miss having someone with whom to really share life, enjoy intimacy and sex, and generally be connected with. I find it hard to believe that unattached women in their 40s and 50s aren't looking for intimacy and connection . . . but where are they? I enjoy time with younger women, too, but they generally do not imagine themselves going for a long-term relationship with a guy my age, so they are mostly platonic activity partners. At least they're willing to go out and DO something. Arrggh.
Author MorningCoffee Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 What? No replies to this post? Dammit, I was hoping for some tips, as I have the same trouble. *sigh* Not that I'm ready to date again yet, but I'm 40 (almost), and I'm RIGHT HERE! Not that it means much, but I took up a new (old) hobby and ended up meeting some really great people (including the love of my life who has ditched me because he's chickensh*t). Anyway, maybe that's an idea? I say forget the gym. Try a new hobby. Orrrrrr, believe it or not, a lot of my guy friends say they meet girls at the bookstore! I know that if I had the time to hang around the bookstore for an hour or two in a sitting I totally would, so maybe they're onto something! Bookstore, hmmm? How do women feel if approached by a stranger in a bookstore? Maybe a book club? I'll check it out.
Author MorningCoffee Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 MC, how difficult to be a widow at a young age, and I like to think I have something to deal with. Now as far as dating sites, strange bunch there to me everything seems so unrealistic? the expectations of others. I said something like "I prefer to live in the moment" and everyone took that to mean I just wanted to get laid. Notttt. I think you find a passion you enjoy and peruse it. You then may have a good breeding ground to start with. The gym to me is more an independent endeavor where people have to be self involved. With a group activity, such as a support group, a book club, volunteering in the community is more open and relaxed for conversation and new possibilities. With all that said, I too, like INF said “may not be ready” and will need to know how this works out for you, I am 40 something or other and have not tested said waters. I also want to wish you the very best of Holidays !!! Thanks, moon. You, too. Yes, new hobbies are the thing that keeps me going. I have met some people in classes I have taken and meetup groups I have been involved with, and gotten to go on a couple dates as a result. I have met some good folks on dating sites, although the mismatches are about 20 to 1 over the compatibles. Only three have made it beyond coffee date stage out of many, many. And of those, one turned out to be seriously damaged, one remains a platonic friend, one was actually a partner for nearly a year but ended it because she was definitely seeking marriage, and I was too recently a widower to be able to even think of that then. She was great, though. Sigh. Oh well, keep on truckin' I guess. Thanks!
Author MorningCoffee Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I am 53 and have been looking for a long time too. I just met a wonderful man while volunteering for a community service project. We are two months into things and I think I might have found the right guy! It is hard to find people - my advice is to do what you love and people who are like you will be there too. I tried to meet people through church - through singles events and that didn't work. It was almost like once I quit trying, I found him. Hang in there. It will work out for you! Thanks. I have a friend who tells me to keep working on myself and stop looking, that 'she' will appear when I least expect it. Sounds like you are living proof. I am happy for you!
2sure Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'm over 40 , recently divorced. I have met and continue to meet - whether I like it or not - many many members of both sexes who are single, active, professional and intelligent and/or successful to various degrees at fund raisers and functions for political issues both local and state. Its really not what you think - a majority of people involved are networking and socializing more than discussing politics.
Author MorningCoffee Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I have the same problem. Pretty much every single I encounter is in their 20s or 30s. I meet men in their 40s now and then, but usually they have a long time girlfriend or are married. I'm content at being single at the moment. I invest my energy in making new friends rather than dating. I know it's not the same as having someone to snuggle with, but it's a pretty good substitute. I agree, I am content being single. But to me, that is a status that permits inviting people in to share in one's activities. Friends are all well for that, too, but they cannot fulfill the desire to have someone special in one's life. None of the friends that were friends of my wife and me remained friends after I was widowed. They are not unfriendly, but they are in a different stage of life, and are doing the same old, same old while I have been creating a new life from scratch. Nothing in common with them any more. My friends now with just one exception are all from my new life and most in my new city, so that is positive. Just takes time, and at my age, one is acutely aware that there isn't any to waste!
2sure Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I also recently hired a professional dating service - not on line - a real person - who lol- actually had a show on TV. I've just started , pretty much for fun - I'll post my progress.
Madgick1 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 I'm a woman 45+ and I would like a long term partner/marriage with someone within between 1-5 or so years older. But most men are married or with longterm girlfriends. I f they aren't already committed, it seems that men who break up from long term absolutely must go through a scumbag phase for a couple years after a long term break up and I don't want to be part of that. Then you have the angry bitter ones; I worked hard not to be angry and bitter at all men just because of two were bad to me, and actually have no interest in redeeming all women kind because some guy got screwed over. Men and women screw each other over at equal rates, IMO. What I did was join a group of 5000 professionals in my area who have been screened for income, sanity, and marital status and interviewed. It's about half and half women and men all between abt 40-60. It costs about $1500 a year. There's an activity almost every night of the month. I've done it for about six weeks and have met a couple men my age who have shown some interest in me and I in them (none who have captured my interest like my cautious travel guy--but I'm not going to wait on him for sure, and none I've spent as much time with as I have with travel guy either). It's been a lot of fun so.
Author MorningCoffee Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I'm over 40 , recently divorced. I have met and continue to meet - whether I like it or not - many many members of both sexes who are single, active, professional and intelligent and/or successful to various degrees at fund raisers and functions for political issues both local and state. Its really not what you think - a majority of people involved are networking and socializing more than discussing politics. Now that's an idea . . . I attend a lot of theater and they are always having fundraising functions. I am not in a position to make significant financial donations, so I have not sought them out. Perhaps I should reconsider -- maybe my little dribs and drabs are just part of the price of admission. Thanks!!!
Author MorningCoffee Posted December 23, 2010 Author Posted December 23, 2010 I'm a woman 45+ and I would like a long term partner/marriage with someone within between 1-5 or so years older. But most men are married or with longterm girlfriends. I f they aren't already committed, it seems that men who break up from long term absolutely must go through a scumbag phase for a couple years after a long term break up and I don't want to be part of that. Then you have the angry bitter ones; I worked hard not to be angry and bitter at all men just because of two were bad to me, and actually have no interest in redeeming all women kind because some guy got screwed over. Men and women screw each other over at equal rates, IMO. What I did was join a group of 5000 professionals in my area who have been screened for income, sanity, and marital status and interviewed. It's about half and half women and men all between abt 40-60. It costs about $1500 a year. There's an activity almost every night of the month. I've done it for about six weeks and have met a couple men my age who have shown some interest in me and I in them (none who have captured my interest like my cautious travel guy--but I'm not going to wait on him for sure, and none I've spent as much time with as I have with travel guy either). It's been a lot of fun so. Interesting idea.
Stung Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 My MIL is an attractive 60 year old widow, routinely mistaken for being in her forties. She lost her husband a decade ago and has been looking to find new love, but says she is having a hard time meeting men who are gentlemen. She spends most of her time busy with her family, her adult daughters and her many grandchildren. She does belong to a musical group (she's a pretty talented classical musician) and they rehearse often and hold public performances and go to the symphony together all the time, but that's a pretty closed group and almost all women. She is hesitant to try online dating, and she wants people to set her up but most of her friends are either married or divorced women who are looking themselves, and she asks her family but none of us know any single men of her age. I keep telling her she needs to get out more without her family or her quintet. She is passionate about very fresh healthy food, so she can be found at the local farmer's markets by herself, otherwise she makes herself difficult to approach. I wish she'd take a few chances and get out there more, she is still quite vibrant and healthy and I can tell she's lonely for romantic companionship. She had a boyfriend a couple years ago but she felt like he was a 'player' of the silver fox set, and cut him loose. Maybe YOU can give me tips on where to recommend she go to find herself a gentleman caller.
catgotyourtongue Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Interesting... As I see it, most men my age, above 40, are dating and wanting to date 30 year olds. So a 50 or 60 something year old that wants to date near his own age range, YOU ARE A Gem. I saw good advice here, so I won't blabber. Obviously online dating will get you the age range you want, but yes I would think volunteering, taking classes, doing something you like -book group whatever, could be another way to meet decent women of a certain age. best of luck to you, and happy holidays
catgotyourtongue Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Quick recap: married young, had long and mostly happy marriage till W passed away a few years ago. I am in my early 60s, routinely taken for ten years younger. As widower, have had three relationships -- two in their 50s met online, one in her 30s. I am sorry for the loss of your wife, I should have said that first. God bless and good for you for getting out there, in a respectful way. I wish you best with finding someone who appreciates and deserves you. ((hugs))
tincanman99 Posted December 23, 2010 Posted December 23, 2010 Where are you all hiding? All I meet are young women in their mid to late 20s who love me because I dont look nor act my age (early 40s). I dont mess with them because I keep reading about the whole ick factor (ie. gross older guy). I am fit and trim (44" chest and a 36" waist), got the $$$ from a decent career and can chat about anything. Have a reputation as a chatter box . I have women friends that tell me I would make a great husband. Totally not into the bar scene and partying thing though I dont mind going out. At the book store all the women I see are with someone or are married. My gym is a flesh pit but I feel awkward chatting up women there and I am usually with my trainer who is a woman and demands total focus when I am with her (she doesnt mess around when she is training you). So where are you all hiding?
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