strangeways Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Been about 7/8 weeks of NC and about 9/10 weeks since I slpit from my recent ex. Today my wife (who is in the early stages of petitioning), not my recent ex, is trying to change visitation. I currently have the kids 2 days a week and every other weekend and she wants to change it to just every other weekend. I won't go into detail just to say I don't think it's justified. It's times like this I most miss my recent ex. Someone to talk to and give me hug and tell me everythings going to be OK. She was always good like that. Wish I could just talk to her about this but I can't, not her problem anymore. God, I wish she was here now. Feels like I've just regressed to when she left. Feel so low today. After weeks of NC I was doing OK. I'm sitting at work so upset. Anyway, just venting.
secretlady76 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Today is a bad day so at least you know tomorrow will be better. It's when something good/bad happens is when you realise the void the most. I hope you have someone else you can talk to in person. In the meantime keep venting on here. Good luck.
Author strangeways Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Thanks secretlady. You're right of course it's those good/bad moments that you feel the void most. Luckily I have someone I can talk. A good friend who unfortunately has just this week gone through a bad break up. She's helped me greatly with my beak up so it's time for me to repay the favour. Maybe LS will be getting a new member. Unfortunately I'm getting that urge to contact my ex, just to hear her voice again. Haven't had that urge in a while.
secretlady76 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Ok, so let's say you speak to her and then what? You'll feel better for a while and then rubbish again....and then you'll want to hear her voice again. To get over this, you need to break the cycle. By not contacting her you will get over her, as much as it hurts now.
Author strangeways Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Thank you again. I know you're right and I won't throw the weeks of NC down the drain. Unfortunately after I picked the kids up tonight my 5 yo was in tears and wanted to stay at his mummys house rather than mine. He's been confused lately about having 2 homes (understandable). we both talked to him but he was adamant so they're back with mum tonight. He says he doesn't want to stay at mine during the week anymore. Hopefully it's a temporary phase. I wept after they'd gone. I got this lovely new place for the two of them (my kids). i was living in a s****y one bed flat until I could afford a new place. As well as for them, i got this place for me and my ex. Moved in on a friday and she was done on the tuesday afterwards. Life really feels s****y sometimes. Now I'm sitting here alone without my kids and without my ex. Just living the dream (like she always used to say about us)
cerridwen Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 strangeways I'm right there with you. Today's a difficult day for me as well. Had some family difficulties and felt I needed the support I once used to get from my ex. Was so sad to know it was gone. Felt the absence keenly. Great advice from secretlady. Thinking about how I'd feel hours AFTER the call makes me realize I would have damaged my progress and perhaps worsen my depression. We'll have to fight it out. Thinking of the words of Julian of Norwich. They've become my mantra: All will be well, and all will be well, and all manner of thing will be well.
Author strangeways Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Thanks cerridwen. It helps. I know I wont break NC. it's been weeks but it feels like years. Wouldn't know what to say to her anyway. Last time we spoke (soon after the BU) it felt like talking to a stranger. it was weird. Spoke to my mum earlier and that helped too. It's good to have people to talk to.
Iselia Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 When I'm feeling low I make myself some hot cocoa or tea. I try to relax as much as possible. I cry when I need to. I try to sort out my feelings by talking to friends or writing. I really recommend writing in a journal. It helps to sort out my feelings and I can go back in my journal to note the progress that I've made with myself and how I handle the breakup. It's best to be gentle with yourself. You're obviously still in love with the ex. And that's ok; you're only human and we all make mistakes. If your ex is choosing not to be with you that is their problem. You are an awesome person and no one should tell you otherwise!
Author strangeways Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Thank you Iselia. i've been thinking about a journal. When I was a teenager I wrote a diary every day for 8 years. Very revealing when I look back on it! These weeks of NC have helped A LOT but it's days when things don't go as you'd quite like them that you really feel the loss. Ho Hum. Tomorrows another day. Already feeling a bit better. I expect everything will be sorted out with the kids given a bit of time. And yes I agree, It's HER loss and I am awesome .
secretlady76 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I totally understand the bit about her seeming like a stranger. It is very odd when it gets like that...you then wonder why the hell you bothered missing them. Kids can cut with their words and they don't realise or understand so don't take it to heart too much (I know it is difficult not to). The five year old is probably tired from school, this time of the term they really have a wobble (between half term and Christmas) so its understandable that he wants to stay where he is most of the time. Doesn't make you feel any better though. It will work out, promise.
Author strangeways Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Yes secretlady, your'e right, I understand he must be up and down and confused. He remembers when me and my stbxw lived together and we were a "normal" family. So even after a year and a half or so he will be going through some kind of rationalisation. I expect this to last some time. Not his fault but it does hurt sometimes. Totally right about being tired after school as well! I fully expect never to hear from my recent ex ever again and I guess that is the weird (but good for me). Someone you cared about completely disappearing from your life. I'v pretty much resolved this in my head and strangely it helps me move on. I'm actually scared of her contacting me if that makes sense.
circa66 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I am terrified of my ex contacting me. Its been 5 1/2 weeks since the break up and 4 1/2 weeks no contact. I feels like years. I know what you are saying. People ask if we have talked and I say no I would guess because she is infatuated with the new guy situation and whats hurts the most is she doesnt care.
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