FaithInTheDark Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 i have a sister that is 21, we are really close she is quite mature and has had issues with the oppisite sex frequently. she informed me that shes been going on this online dating site and has been talking a man that is 39 years old with kids. she told me they talk quite often and get along well. she has admited the age gap is an issue along with the baggage of kids and being divorced. she told me she is thinking about meeting him this week for drinks and finds him attractive! as he is with her. (she is beautiful) he has a good job and is kind. etc. i told her i have concerns about the age of this man and dont think its a good idea, but she tells me im not being supportive. as long as my sister is happy thats what counts, this a 18 year diffrrence a huge deal? or should i mind my own business? maybe a man that has direction would be a good thing for her? help!
utterer of lies Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 i have a sister that is 21, we are really close she is quite mature and has had issues with the oppisite sex frequently. she informed me that shes been going on this online dating site and has been talking a man that is 39 years old with kids. she told me they talk quite often and get along well. she has admited the age gap is an issue along with the baggage of kids and being divorced. she told me she is thinking about meeting him this week for drinks and finds him attractive! as he is with her. (she is beautiful) he has a good job and is kind. etc. i told her i have concerns about the age of this man and dont think its a good idea, but she tells me im not being supportive. as long as my sister is happy thats what counts, this a 18 year diffrrence a huge deal? or should i mind my own business? maybe a man that has direction would be a good thing for her? help! My parents had 14 years of age difference. They were together happily for more than 20 years before they divorced. My mother's now married to a man older than my father, and my father is married to a woman younger than my mother. It can work
Cee Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I have experience with dating significantly older and significantly younger men. I believe that age is a number, but time of life issues come into play. Your sister is 21 and may have certain life tasks to accomplish before she settles down such as establishing a career. She should be careful not to make future choices based on his needs first rather than hers. I was 23 and had a LTR with a guy who was 38. We were both in the same line of work, never married, no children. We were extremely compatible. If he had a divorce and children, I would have been more hesitant b/c I had no interest in settling down in the near future.
Author FaithInTheDark Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 thanks alot for respondin, i feel more comfrontable with the whole idea, just going to take some time to adjust
sanskrit Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 "Is age really just a number?" Well if it's 100, it's a BIG number and if it's 1000, I want to meet that person It's understandable to be protective, but you may consider letting your sister explore life on her own, even if it involves what you think is a definite mistake. She can't grow up otherwise. Good luck.
Green Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Yes age is just a number. If she is some how still attracted to a man who has kids then thats on her. It's her attraction or lack of that will guide her in dating. Obviously if some one looks OLD that is unattractive. A 39 year old man who takes care of himself can EASILY look good but the fact that he has kids should be turning her off. Look if she is attracted and likes him and the age and children are the only think throwing it off for you then I would just keep ur mouth shut. She's alloud to like who she likes.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 i have a sister that is 21, we are really close she is quite mature and has had issues with the oppisite sex frequently. she informed me that shes been going on this online dating site and has been talking a man that is 39 years old with kids. she told me they talk quite often and get along well. she has admited the age gap is an issue along with the baggage of kids and being divorced. she told me she is thinking about meeting him this week for drinks and finds him attractive! as he is with her. (she is beautiful) he has a good job and is kind. etc. i told her i have concerns about the age of this man and dont think its a good idea, but she tells me im not being supportive. as long as my sister is happy thats what counts, this a 18 year diffrrence a huge deal? or should i mind my own business? maybe a man that has direction would be a good thing for her? help! Hmmmmmmmmmmph, if you and I were sitting down and sorting out ideal suitors for your sister, as if they were baseball cards, then we'd need some criteria by which to winnow down your 31,249 cards... so we might include "age" among the limiting factors. BUT age becomes less significant as other details about an individual become more prominent. When interacting with your sis, don't miss the reality that, when you're the younger and sought-after (woman), the attention from an older, "sophisticated" guy has every right to seem absolutely enchanting. (which is why it can be exceptionally difficult to inspire someone away from that attention - and SHEEEEEEEEEE does nothing wrong in being drawn to it) However, when considering the good and bad about such an older guy who needs to go so far down in age to find a prospect, it is usually sensible to question his self confidence and figure out reasons why heeeeeeeeeeee would be so inclined to pass up women of similar vintage in favor of some young hottie. (well, other than the obvious reason) So it's tricky all the way. IF the guy is completely up front and honest with her, and if you never catch him in a significant untruth or lie, then he is likely worth taking a chance on. But once those guys are dishonest, then get rid of them.
Arabella Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Honestly my main concern here would be WHY is a 39 year old hitting on a 21 year old? Most likely, he is not looking for a serious relationship... However, the age itself is not an issue. I'm 27, and my boyfriend is 20. We're both in similar stages in life right now, so it works well for us. Your sister is young, and has plenty of time ahead of her. Let her enjoy the relationship for whatever it's worth. If nothing else, it will be a learning experience for her. Like someone else said though, she should just be careful not to make sacrifices and life decisions for a relationship that may or may not last due to his intentions... Arabella
sumdude Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 (edited) Honestly my main concern here would be WHY is a 39 year old hitting on a 21 year old? Most likely, he is not looking for a serious relationship... Well, why not is the real question. Making assumptions about whether or not he's looking for a serious relationship is a waste of time. I'm 42, divorced with no kids. I might not expect a serious relationship with a 21 year old but if somehow it clicked I would be all for it. Your sister is young, and has plenty of time ahead of her. Let her enjoy the relationship for whatever it's worth. If nothing else, it will be a learning experience for her. Like someone else said though, she should just be careful not to make sacrifices and life decisions for a relationship that may or may not last due to his intentions... Arabella I agree. If anything your sister is quite young and will be experimenting with relationships for a while. If she gets into a relationship with this man I'd bet she'll be the one to move on at some point. So the question I would ask from the other side.. is she looking for a serious relationship at this point in her life? Edited November 19, 2010 by sumdude
Arabella Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Well, why not is the real question. Making assumptions about whether or not he's looking for a serious relationship is a waste of time. I'm 42, divorced with no kids. I might not expect a serious relationship with a 21 year old but if somehow it clicked I would be all for it. What are the chances that a 21 year old girl is going to be willing and able to settle down and give a man of that age a serious long-term relationship? About zero, and he knows it.
sumdude Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 What are the chances that a 21 year old girl is going to be willing and able to settle down and give a man of that age a serious long-term relationship? About zero, and he knows it. Rare? Yes. Zero? No. My oldest friends parents are a prime example. At this point he's 90 and she's 72.
Arabella Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Rare? Yes. Zero? No. My oldest friends parents are a prime example. At this point he's 90 and she's 72. Yeah, that was also fifty years ago... times have changed. The point was that he knows that the chances of her wanting a serious relationship are close to none, and that's what's most likely attracting him to her. Otherwise, why wouldn't he be messaging someone closer to his age? I still don't see anything wrong with her going ahead with it, but come on, let's be realistic...
welikeincrowds Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Yeah, that was also fifty years ago... times have changed. The point was that he knows that the chances of her wanting a serious relationship are close to none, and that's what's most likely attracting him to her. Otherwise, why wouldn't he be messaging someone closer to his age? I still don't see anything wrong with her going ahead with it, but come on, let's be realistic... You're really one to talk. I have a hard time seeing how someone could be a "similar life stage" at 27 to someone who is 20, and I have to further wonder what you mean by that. But look, that's what you say and that's all you've said, so who am I to judge? It would be thoroughly inappropriate of me.
Lovelybird Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 somehow I think that older men go for much younger girls have moral problems. It is difficult for me to get pass "what commonality do they have?" so I believe these older guys probably put more focus on the physical beautiful more than characters and soul, or they are addicted to porn
pb999 Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Well, I'm 44 and had been seeing (still off an on) a 24 year old all summer... I am divorced, with three children, and I think that this is intriguing to her. I also look much younger, stay in shape, have a great job, great friends, surf and snowboard etc. etc. I have responsibilities that I take care of and I also have fun. I could have in depth conversations with her, and probably stood apart from the typical guy she hung out with. (For those saying I "like" young women, she actively pursued me. I was a challenge to her because I wasn't all over her like every other guy) We both know that it wasnt going to be long term, and we both had a lot of fun. It wasn't perfect-but it was a great short term experience for both I think. Really, for a lot of 20 something women, it is a bit of a "rite of passage" to date an older guy, at least once, based on talks that I've had with different women. So, very normal for a short-term thing (assuming the guy is not a creep) but probably not for long-term situations...
Fouts Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 Age can be just a number in regards to looks and maturity, but there are things in life that big age differences can have a negative impact on.
blue 75 Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 My BF who ignores me and hiding from me for more than a week now is older than me. He is so much older than me.. Actually he is very concern with the gap, he told me i might leave him one day for younger man. But i really love him so i told him no. But then i dont know he has this tendecy of disappearing every 3 days or what.. This is the longest. Anyway the important thing your going to watch is, if the man is really serious with your sister.
Star Gazer Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 You're really one to talk. I have a hard time seeing how someone could be a "similar life stage" at 27 to someone who is 20, and I have to further wonder what you mean by that. But look, that's what you say and that's all you've said, so who am I to judge? It would be thoroughly inappropriate of me. I have to say, I have a relatively new friend who's 26, almost 27, waiting for her bar results (i.e., an attorney, in a certain "stage of life"), and honestly, she has the maturity level of an 18 year old. I have another new friend, who's the same exact age, who just graduated college, and I thought she was 34-35 by how she carries herself. Basically, stage-of-life doesn't even equate to maturity level.
Arabella Posted November 19, 2010 Posted November 19, 2010 You're really one to talk. I have a hard time seeing how someone could be a "similar life stage" at 27 to someone who is 20, and I have to further wonder what you mean by that. But look, that's what you say and that's all you've said, so who am I to judge? It would be thoroughly inappropriate of me. Oh no, good thing you bring that up! I am actually a good example of the point I was trying to make. I am 27, and I've dated guys since my last ex who wanted a serious marriage-bound relationship. I am not capable or interested in that right now, nor will I be for the next few years because I'm working on a second college degree (that's how I met him, in class). My boyfriend, at 20, also happens to be a pretty mature guy, with long-term education goals, so he has no plans of wanting a family and marriage anytime soon. Hence, we ARE in similar life stages. I am not judging the OP's sister or the older guy she likes. I'm just saying that they should be realistic about the nature of the attraction. She probably doesn't exactly see him as the father of her children either...or she would be looking for someone closer to her age.
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