Jump to content

My girlfriend is very flirtatious. Where do I draw the line?

Shadowpanda

By Shadowpanda
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Shadowpanda New Member

Shadowpanda

Posted
Posted (edited)

Hi' guys!

 

I really, really need your input/advice.

 

I've been dating this beautiful, sexy and generally amazing girl for 6 months. There's a strong feeling of mutual love and we have a lot of fun but I have some issues with her flirtatious behaviour. I actually trust her but at times I feel like an idiot for doing so.

I should explain our background. She has had affairs/been unfaithfull in all her past relationships and I've been cheated on by the majority of my ex-girlfriends, so she's got a bad rep. and I've got some trust issues.

 

I think that she, sadly, never learned to communicate with guys in any other way than flirting. She'll flirt with a guy and exchange info (phonenumbers and names (for facebook)). She tells me that she is just "networking" and "making new friends" and I actually believe her, however crazy it may sound, but I'm fairly certain that these guys are expecting a whole lot more than just friendship.

For instance she met a guy at a party, they had a fun night, exchanged info and the following day he invited her to come over to his place to watch a movie. I explained to her, calmly, that I thought it was a terrible idea and that he was probably trying to get lucky. She told me that they where "just friends" and that I was being paranoid and ridiculous. Well am I????

 

She has a lot of male friends, which I am cool with, but another issue we keep arguing about is whether or not it's ok for her to have male friends crashing at her place (if for instance they can't catch a train home after a night out). I think it's completely inapropriate but she completely disagrees with me and says I'm overreacting. Am I?

 

We have such strong feelings for eachother but these arguments and disagreements are slowly but surely poisoning our relationship. I'm desperate to find a solution but the problem is that she's very independent and I can tell that she loves me enough to change, but in doing so she'll feel trapped, constricted and miserable and eventually begin resenting me for making her feel this way.

 

Some honest objective advice from you guys would be much appriciated.

Edited by Shadowpanda
PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted

She is completely disrespecting you and your relationship. How do you think she would react if the positions were reversed? What if you were going to bars and getting girls numbers, letting them crash at your place because they "miss the train", and going round to their place to watch movies? Come on man she would be so far up your ass about it that if she spat it'd come out your mouth.

 

When she says "networking" and "making new friends", what she means is "looking for an upgrade". Dump her right now, you will save yourself a lot of heartache in the long term. She has cheated a lot in the past and her current behaviour suggests she is going to do exactly the same to you. If she feels trapped and constricted by being in a respectful monogamous relationship then there is a problem. She just needs to be single so she can do whatever the f*ck she likes. Set her free.

  • Author
Shadowpanda New Member

Shadowpanda

Posted
  • Author
Posted (edited)

Yeah I get your point but she's actually cool with the whole thing being reversed. That's what's really messing with my head... That's one of the reasons why I'm conflicted about it. Otherwise I wouldn't think twice about breaking it off...

And regarding the whole "getting an upgrade"-thing I don't think that's what she's looking for. I mean she's the one talking about moving in together, having kids and getting married. That's why I don't think she's about to walk out on me. That's why I just can't wrap my head around why she does what she does...

Edited by Shadowpanda
PegNosePete Established Member

PegNosePete

Posted
Posted
Yeah I get your point but she's actually cool with the whole thing being reversed.

That's what she says. If you actually did it then I very much doubt she would be cool with it.

 

And regarding the whole "getting an upgrade"-thing I don't think that's what she's looking for. I mean she's the one talking about moving in together, having kids and getting married. That's why I don't think she's about to walk out on me. That's why I just can't wrap my head around why she does what she does...

When a girl says one thing and does another, it is the actions that you should go by. She is acting like she is single, but smoke-screening you into believing she is committed to you. Believe me the instant she meets someone she regards as a better catch, she will bail on you.

 

You're not paranoid or ridiculous, you're just in denial. Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Sorry dude but if you stick with her, it will end in disaster. Guaranteed.

  • Author
Shadowpanda New Member

Shadowpanda

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Yeah I guess when it comes down to it, it really is that black or white. I'm still not convinced that she'll bail on me for another guy but nevertheless it's just not cool acting like you're single when in a relationship. You can't have it both ways..

Thanks dude...

Chi townD Established Member

Chi townD

Posted
Posted

She cheated in ALL her past relationships. You are dating a serial cheater. Sooner or later, you guys are gonna have and argument and she's gonna do what she always does with a guy that "Missed the train", then blame you.

 

I hate to be negative about this because I know you have feelings for her, and she probably does for you. But, you need to talk to her and tell her how you feel about everything, and I mean a deep heart to heart conversation about this. If she loves you like she claims, then she'll make those adjustments in her behavior, but you will be required to do the same. Good luck!

Bryanp Established Member

Bryanp

Posted
Posted

The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. She meets a guy, gives him her phone number and goes over to his place to watch a movie the next night? She has male friends crash at her place overnight? My friend this is not how a girlfriend operates. You are setting yourself up for the big hurt. I don't care if she calls it networking. What it means is that she allows herself to act single. She has cheated in every relationship. You would have to be a masochist to remain in this relationship. How much humiliation and disrespect are you willing to endure?

Mimolicious Established Member

Mimolicious

Posted
Posted (edited)
Hi' guys!

 

I really, really need your input/advice.

 

I've been dating this beautiful, sexy and generally amazing girl for 6 months. There's a strong feeling of mutual love and we have a lot of fun but I have some issues with her flirtatious behaviour. I actually trust her but at times I feel like an idiot for doing so.

 

I mean, unless she has given you concrete reasons, I don't see why not trust her BUT the truth is, gut feelings are hardly ever wrong.

 

I should explain our background. She has had affairs/been unfaithfull in all her past relationships and I've been cheated on by the majority of my ex-girlfriends, so she's got a bad rep. and I've got some trust issues.

 

So you clearly know that your GF lacks integrity. Ok. Huge read flag! She looks for validation cause she is lacking self-esteem and draining yours while she is at it.

 

I think that she, sadly, never learned to communicate with guys in any other way than flirting. She'll flirt with a guy and exchange info (phonenumbers and names (for facebook)). She tells me that she is just "networking" and "making new friends" and I actually believe her, however crazy it may sound, but I'm fairly certain that these guys are expecting a whole lot more than just friendship.

 

But of course these guys are expecting a whole lot more- Remember, act as you want to be treated. She is coming off as some flirting skank, don't think they are going to treat her like a "lady". Networking- sure she is! She is networking her next prospect. :rolleyes:

 

For instance she met a guy at a party, they had a fun night, exchanged info and the following day he invited her to come over to his place to watch a movie. I explained to her, calmly, that I thought it was a terrible idea and that he was probably trying to get lucky. She told me that they where "just friends" and that I was being paranoid and ridiculous. Well am I????

 

Is this your little sister or something? I think, rather than drawing a line for being "Flirtatious" you need to draw the "RESPECT" line first. Doesn't sound like your GF has much of that, even for herself. :confused: Ridiculous! Ask yourself, is this something that someone in a "R" deals with? She takes you for the sucker she thinks you are or for the sucker-like ways you have. DON'T DEAL WITH IT!!!!!!!!

 

She has a lot of male friends, which I am cool with, but another issue we keep arguing about is whether or not it's ok for her to have male friends crashing at her place (if for instance they can't catch a train home after a night out). I think it's completely inapropriate but she completely disagrees with me and says I'm overreacting. Am I?

 

Again, this chick has ZIPPO respect for you and yet here you are questioning yourself on your own values and morals??!!! :confused:

 

We have such strong feelings for eachother but these arguments and disagreements are slowly but surely poisoning our relationship. I'm desperate to find a solution but the problem is that she's very independent and I can tell that she loves me enough to change, but in doing so she'll feel trapped, constricted and miserable and eventually begin resenting me for making her feel this way.

 

Hone, I am for sure older than your gf. (early 30's and Divorced) I am independent, free as a bird and men who have tried to cage me have turned me off and made me miserable BUT check this out... what your GF is doing is not "INDEPENDENT". Don't get it twisted. Honestly, what exactly is it that YOU think that she is respecting about your R? I havent seen you illustrate that on here. :o

 

 

Some honest objective advice from you guys would be much appriciated.

 

 

My most sincere advice, DUMP YOUR GF. She will waste your time, DO HER and make you into an insecure hotmess. More than you already think you are. Not every chick behaves this way. Good luck.

Edited by Mimolicious
lekker01234 Member

lekker01234

Posted
Posted

I have to say I can relate to what you are saying. Its not easy knowing that you love someone who has the potential of cheating due to pasy history. This is the advice that I would give:

 

1) Allow girls that are friends to sleep over at your place. Even if you don't have to many girls that are friends lie about it one night and see what reaction you get. I know this seems childish but if you allow her to dictate the rules then you will always be on the losing side. By this I mean whats fair is fair.

2) If you decided that you want to be in a relationship with her then you need to let go of her past. part of being in a relationship is accepting ones flaws and past. If her past raises some concern then you are not ready to be in a relationship with her.

3) I think its very important to establish rules in the relationship. I don't think that its right at all for her to allow a guy to hang out with her after meeting at a party and hanging out. Unfortunately women think its cute and inoccent to allow this to happen but for the guy its extremely annoying and not to mention stressful. Usually this is a sign of her trying to get attention. In her mind she may feel that it won't lead to anything but in a guys mind it may seem as though she is inviting him to persue. I think you need to communicate this to her.

4) Usually where the is smoke there is fire. I don't feel that you are comfortable in this relationship. If she hasn't taken that into consideration then I hate to say it but things could lead to infedility. I don't know her but lay some simple ground rules and hold her to it. If she breaks them then you have to make a decision as to what is best for you.

 

REMEMBER : You can't change people or force them to change. They need to be able to change on their own for you.

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

Posted
Posted

flirting is the indication of sexual interest in someone else and is sending vibes to others. She is casting her line out there and seeing if there are any bites, and she will decide to keep one sooner or later.

 

and she takes it beyond flirting. guys crashing at her place?

 

get rid of this tart and find a decent girl.

NoLongerSad Established Member

NoLongerSad

Posted
Posted

She has had affairs/been unfaithfull in all her past relationships

 

 

Next!

Dexter Morgan Established Member

Dexter Morgan

Posted
Posted
She has had affairs/been unfaithfull in all her past relationships

 

 

Next!

 

exactly. she has the character and trustworthiness of a snake.

Mad Max Established Member

Mad Max

Posted
Posted
She has had affairs/been unfaithfull in all her past relationships

 

 

That's all you need to know. You should have bolted as soon aa you found that out.

eminembnja Member

eminembnja

Posted
Posted
She has had affairs/been unfaithfull in all her past relationships

 

 

Next!

 

Many people have quoted this. I don't think it can be quoted too many times. What on earth makes you think things are different this time? Unless she was recently abducted by aliens who removed her cheating cortex, I don't think I could be convinced that anything has changed.

 

To be fair, I was in a slightly similar situation: she never cheated (that she admits), and she would NOT be OK with me acting the same way. She realizes the hypocritical nature of her actions and that something is wrong and is seeking professional help. We are not together now, and I'm not really sure what, if anything, she can do to convince me that I should take her back.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...