stoploss11 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 So its been a rough roller coaster for me. I don't know if shes back w BD(baby daddy) or if shes going through the motions or if she happy or never was leaving. Is she still afraid of him because he is abusive, was it all a lie. Why would she go out of her way to tell her Mom, friends and family about me and introduce me and them etc...with all of them knowing she lives w another guy? Told her friend and mother I make her so happy she's a better mother because she gets to pass that along to the baby, and she loves me more for that....and then just cut off all communication for 7 weeks??? 5 weeks NC, even with her stopping by my desk twice on halloween friday at work with the baby. She even put the baby down to walk to me knowing I hadn't seen her walk yet. Then coming back a second time and stand right next to my desk. The baby totally recognized me and pointed and smiled as she passed. But IU never looked up at or said a word to mamabear... Anyway...my point. Last week she stopped dead in front of me twice in the hall and talked to me. I was polite and responded but didnt offer anything new or engage at all. Also has walked in my wing several times walking by and smiling in the last few weeks. WTH is going on? And why the hell is she always starring at me in the halls at work? Why couldn't she end it rationally if thats what she wanted? If she wants to be with the BD or even if she doesnt want to be but is choosing to or is fearfully with him. Just do it. Don't engage me or bring the baby to me. I want all or nothing. How can I let her know that without saying that?
whichwayisup Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Stoppy..Just stop. Cat and mouse game has to come to an end. She has given you so many indictations that she isn't interested in pursuing anything with you.. As much as it hurts, you need to just back off and focus on yourself. friends, family and possibly transfer or find another job. This is killing you inside! You can't handle friendship, any type of "niceness" or her being slightly friendly to you IS being taken out of context and you're looking for more meaning to what's really there. She KNOWS how you feel. She KNOWS exactly what she's doing and you're allowing it. JUST tell her once and for all to leave you alone completely since she isn't leaving her partner, baby's father. OR just keep ignoring her. Again, she knows what she is doing, keep that in mind.. You owe her nothing. sometimes silence is the best way of handling things.
inthagong Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Pull her aside and ask what is going on, its either on or off....and if its not on then move right along cause there are plenty of fish in the sea for you mate.... she isnt worth the pain and agro.
TigerCub Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I want all or nothing. How can I let her know that without saying that? Why don't you want to say that? I think telling her exactly how you feel and what you will and will not accept is what you should do. If she's not giving you what you want and you're finding it more awkward that she wants to be friendly at work - tell her to stop it - tell her that you're not interested in being friends. In my case, xMM works in my building, we don't see each other every day, but we do run into each other - I personally would find it MORE awkward to tell him that we can't even be friends, so I accept the nods, and the little stop and chats - but that's mainly because I'm not hung up on him anymore. Do whatever is most comfortable with you - she made her choice and now you get to make yours without guilt.
Author stoploss11 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Oh and the stop me from being dumb part refers not only to the above but also to me wanting to be a d#*k. I know it wont help and will make me look like a chump, but I thought in theory about being nasty to her. Or emailing BD(he found my ID in her car) and sending him the pictures and texts and emails she sent to me. Every one of them. Why am I so hurt all of a sudden? I been up and down but was so good for a while.
whichwayisup Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Don't do anything. IF the abuse is true, could you live with yourself if you sent him texts and pictures, then he beat the crap out of her .. Or worse...... ? My guess is no. Listen to your gut. From what you've said, the feeling I get is, (sorry buddy) she isn't into you anymore. Maybe she was and all, but not enough to change her life to be with you. Bottomline is, time for total acceptance that it's over and she isn't going to be with you. Revenge is going to mess you up, you'll regret it. VENT about it, write letters but don't send them. Vent here about how you feel. Let yourself really grieve so you can try to let go and heal from this.
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