Im pathetic...

[thinkgal]

so pathetic,, pathetic that IM here crying as IM typing this...why ??? over a fight with my bf who I dont fully trust...who I question why he didnt spend the weekend with me?? who I feel makes excuses,, who I feel he may not be truthful..and instead of standing up and breaking this,, I feel like I can't .

why the heck did I cry to him,, why did I show him I feel soo powerless.

Why ,, he may be using this to manipulate me, and me Im sooo stupid. sooo soo stupid,, I need to be strong, dont know what is wrong.

 

he send me a message saying how he was gonna book a flight without me, knowing I already said yes I would go with him. All after a talk where since I was feeling mad about a picture where I dont knwo where it has been taken and I feel it is a chick's place , when we finished talking in the phone i said bye. He sends me a text saying my tone of voice sounded bad so he text me :

"Im guessin from the way you hung up that ur not intersted in moving forward with me, im going to go ahead and book the flight since IM guessing your not going, call me if u and when u feel like it! bye"

 

so pathetic me calls him right away and he doesnt answer so i leave a vm and keep calling like 10 times,, and send a lot of texts taht dont get a reply then he replies saying he was in the shower and is tired but will call in the morning to talk..

 

now im soo mad at myself that i panicked,, that I couldnt control myself,, that i feel this is a manipulation on his part. Cuz all i kept thinking was taht picture and how he probably wants to go with some other chick.

why should I care about that? I should just be like if he is doing wrong and wants to go without me than f++k u and I will be with someone else eventually that can respect me and love me like I do and deserve. Why couldnt I do that???...u knwo why? I really feel like cuz I already went through a divorce and have children that many men wont want to be with me. that only a few will and many wont take me seriously.

 

what is wrong with me?? I stood up to my ex husband after I felt i shouldnt stay any longer and became strong, and now im becoming sooo weak and stupid. I know what i should do and be like and I can't ??? cuz im afraid some chick will win??? ughh...yup Im a sad person and what i need is to grow some balls and be strong..when will I do this?

 

wanted to vent and wasnt sure where felt maybe I can put this here

ty

[Trovador]

You are no pathetic... you have just forgotten who you really are... a strong girl whose happiness doesn't depend on anybody and who has mistaken love with a sick relationship... my advice, put some distance between you two... and try to recover your essence, the part of you which were so funny, so independant, so strong willed... a realiable and desirable woman, the one he fell in love with... a day at a time, without fighting yourself but letting flow your inner strength, better than crying is acting and better than praying (although this is highly recommendable) is working in yourself...

 

Remember, most of loveshackers have been there and we all lived to tell the tale...

[thinkgal]

for your kind response . I just panicked idk why, I gotta learn to step back and rethink stuff instead of acting on instict. I should have just replied with one text message and if no reply then waited till the next day. I should not make him feel he has the control, I did wrong on that.

thanks so much

[Trovador]

Let him be for a while... don't think of time right now... just let him be, don't torment yourself... maybe this will sound ironical but give yourself a break... a rest... believe me, you won't die and after some days you will emerge stronger... just let him be, it's not about him, it's about you...

[inthagong]

this guy has all the power in this relationship.....he is using your insecurities and vunrabilities against you... And you know what, you are letting him.... You are not pathetic, he is and he is playing games.... Let him go on the flight alone, you def need some time to yourself...is he really worth all the tears and heartache?donr think so... Stay strong.......

[squirtle]

OOO this makes me so MAD reading this! my bf does the same thing... he is the one person i trusted enough to confide everything into and he uses it now to keep me around and basically control what i do by making me feel sad, guilty, happy. i feel like a puppet and i need to cut the strings its just hard! i dont understand how there are people n the world that do this...

[broken19]

yes indeed..you are NOT pathetic. You just fell in love. I have been having the same feelings about myself. Blaming myself, feeling I am pathetic, he made me feel so low, so used, so unwanted. He was the one who pursued me, I said no at first but he was so persistent and said he will make me so happy. I got so excited that a guy wanted me so bad and I liked him as well. I said yes and fell in love with him everday. He just wanted to have meand once he knew I was his then he had his fun and decided he is too weak to do this relationship. All the great and incredible things he said now meant nothing. he is strong enough to have no contact with the woman he wanted to grow old with but is not strong enough to deal with his problems and be with her. It's cos people do what they feel like doign for themselves and just use the excuse, "I am doing this for you". Some actually do it for others.

 

And please don't ever think no man will love you. I am thinking that right now but I feel it is not true. True, for me he was the one..he liked everything about me which I thought men might not like. But people have had incredible lives after being heart broken. One day when you least expect it love will come again. except this time you will be strong within yourself so as not to fully become a love slave to him like you and I did with out ex. Live for yourself and find an identity for yourself for this relationship consumed you and made you into him. Go back to doing what YOU liked to do before you met him..it will be hard at first but keep on trying. That is what I am doign and it is hard as I see him in everything. But just know that if he does not treat you right, you don't deserve him. One day someone will treat him like that but don't wish for it or hold grudges. I do understand how hard it is. Cry as much as you can..one day no tears will come out. Try and be around many people as possible. Esp family and friends.

 

wish you good luck. You just have to take each day and night at a time.

 

All the best

[thinkgal]

ok, so this last weekend was bad too. On Saturday I spoke with him early and he apologized for not calling the night before and told me he had to work on saturday (that same day) so he said it would be better to see each other on Sunday. I said ok..On sunday I didnt hear anyting so I wrote and asked if something was wrong and he told me no that he is just running around. so I ask if he was gonna pass by and he wrote to me that he will call me..and so time passed and he didnt...so I got so upset I wrote like 3 messages not at same time like hours in between and said how it seems like he may be pushing me away or to at least have the decency to give me a response and not leave me hanging. He did not respond at all that day.

 

The next day he wrote to me and told me he was exchanging his phone so I asked to call me so we can have a talk , he said ok and didnt,, so with that I just decided not to call or text at all. That was monday morning, so everything was fine,, till Tuesday night , he called,, he called to apologize and said he was very sorry he didnt get back at me but he was soo busy with work and he knows he sh ould have called me but that his mind was so busy with work but that he's happy that hes getting more work in a way cuz he has more money now and is able to pay his bills (also mentioned, this year for xmas I will be able to get you a very nice gift). so in the conversation he mentioned all the work he was doing and about the new phone he got. I was you know still hurt and told him that he made me feel unimportant, that as busy as he was he should have found the time to like text saying hes busy or something and not leave me hanging , cuz is like leaving me up in the air not knowing.

 

so that was the talk last night. I then earlier today text him telling him that it was good he called me but that I still feel hurt about what he did, etc. he wrote back saying sorry..I then wrote to him that I feel strange now and part of me wants to see him adn part of me doesnt. He replies that everything is fine so not to feel strange.

I then text back saying that fine for him cuz he didnt get hurt, but cuz of what happened I feel maybe we should take some time away from each other. He replies "up to you" .

so for me is like I guess it doesnt matter for him If i do or not??

 

My question is I told him i would call him later and let him know. I feel like i do need some time away, to clear my mind and really think of this, I hope he also thinks during this time and figures out if Im important enough.

I just dont know how long of a break to take, do you tell the other person how long of a break it is???? or do u just say I'll call you when I wanna talk with you again???

I was thinking of like two weeks maybe????

how does this break thing work?????

 

thanks:o

[Tincup]

He sounds like an immature ass. Do you really need this in your life?

[thinkgal]

I know,, he does sound like immature or confusing,, strange though cuz you wouldnt think so at his age, he's older than me but sometimes I feel like I know more about relationships than him. I need this time apart to really think, to find some time away from him and kinda detach myself a bit, but is hard cuz I have feelings for him. when i stopped texting and calling I felt a lil of that detachment even though I was thinking of him still.

 

thinking of how I gotta do some things within myself and not depend on anyone,, I feel hurt and cant have things like nothing. This is why i think a time apart is good,, hard though cuz when i spoke to him yesterday on the phone I felt really good so for me to talk to him later and be able to tell him this on phone I see it as a good step.

[cerridwen]

In all honesty, it sounds like this relationship needs a permanent break.

It's a long shot that a few weeks apart would do much good--perhaps temporarily but not in the long run.

 

There seems to be a fundamental lack of respect that your bf has for you. You sound much more into him than he is into you (I hope that's not too cruel but from your post, it sounds this way).

 

I suggest you just take a break for YOURSELF--not for the relationship or so that he could come to realize you are important. The break would be for you to see the situation with new eyes--and for you to have a break from the bad treatment. Hopefully, when you step back and look at it, you'll see this relationship is damaging to you and not worth the stress. You'll get to spend some time NOT feeling lousy and NOT having someone treat you badly. You may have become used to this treatment and that's not healthy at all. You sound very hurt.

 

If you feel you must tell him something, tell him you're taking time for yourself and not to contact you as you do. Don't give him a time limit. Don't set one for yourself. If you're afraid he'll move on, it's just more proof he's not that into you--and who needs that?!?!?!

[thinkgal]

ty, ty cuz in a way I feel your right and I agree with you. very disrespectful what He is doing I agree,, yes im afraid he can like move on but that shouldnt be a reason to try to hold on to someone. you know why part of me is afraid is cuz I had a dream like two days ago and even th9ough I shouldtn go by the dreams,, my dream was telling me he was going out with someone else with anotehr girl, the dream was very specific and why it spooked me it cuz many times dreams that i've had have really happened so thougth that it was my answer. anyways,, ty I guess there should be no time limits.

problem, I help him with part of one of his jobs, a nonprofit that im involved in to,, so that makes it hard for me to tell him not to contact me at all,, I kinda feel like been ablel to be mature enough to be like let's take time away from each other and only contact me if you need something for work. hopefullly i can handle that.

[cerridwen]

I kinda feel like been ablel to be mature enough to be like let's take time away from each other and only contact me if you need something for work. hopefullly i can handle that.

 

You sound strong so I know you can handle it. Good luck! Glad you're standing up for yourself!

[thinkgal]

is cuz I've been hurt even way more than this relationship that's why.

I will do it , I know I can. thanks for listening and responding.

I luvvvvvv this site soo much, so glad a to have found it.