broken19 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 It's been 2 months since the break-up and my ex has not called, not texted, the last I heard from him was he said he is the horrible one and not me and that I should not blame myself. Since then has been avoiding me like I'm the plague! Well, of course I would feel that I have done something wrong. But knowing him he has never committed to anything in his life. Not school, not uni, not jobs, not even a career. And I knew all these before I started going out with him. I have a degree in medical science, I like intelligent people who work hard. Despite knowing he basically was lazy I still went out with him. My mind tells me all these things and says move on as I was stupid to be with him. But I saw the good in him and that's why my heart still pines for him. I should have known that a guy who can't commit to the above in his life could never commit to a girl. He even got a tattoo of a heart on his ring finger showing committment to me. Now he will make it about some other poor girl. Pity he never realised committment is doing it and not showing in form of tattoos that he can do it. I really feel sorry for him as he is so lost in life. But he does not want my help as he feels I am not capable of helping him but it also could be that he likes being back with his family..lazy, without a job, parents lookign after him etc. Despite all his flaws I still miss him and love him. I feel he needs to be helped but I can't help him because of his resistance. And I know it will never be an easy life with him. But my heart can't stop wanting to be with him. Is this normal? Did I never see all his negatives because I was too close to him but now all are being revealed? Or am I thinking these negative thoughts as a way to get over him? What if he really loves me and does not want to hurt me as he used to get physically violent..hit himself and objects and never me. He got tired of hurting himself and seeing the bruises. But i never made him do that. I don't know why he did all that. Am I kidding myself by thinking he left me cos he loves me? I guess I am. I know he has some sort of personality issues and mental issues and i used to walk on eggshells around him. I still miss him sooooo much. I feel like throwing up at times just thinking and remembering about the day we broke up. EVERYTHING reminds me of him...how do people get through this? I have fear of going out in public. I don't enjoy anything in life now but am trying so hard. My broken heart loves him and misses him and wants to be with him. Pity he does not realise I am not some toy or school or career or uni which he can just discard. I am a human being whom he loved so much and I have feelings. Why do men and women do this to each other? Why take one to the top of the world, say all these wonderful things to them and then push them over? It hurts so bad. But I guess it is every man for himself.
skydiveaddict Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 You cannot, in my experience anyway, make your "heart listen to your mind" That's where you have to just gut it out and do the smart thing (listen to your mind). Of course that's when all the pain and heartache starts, I've never found a cure for that.
Author broken19 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Thanks for that! I know it is hard. Hoping time will heal. Or at least time will help me deal with it better. I guess one thing helps...that I am not alone. Sometimes I wish though that all the pain we are going through..here on LS and elsewhere..just disappears for a few moments..just so we can feel whole and human again. That's how bad the pain is. Wishing you all the best and thanks once again.
coltsfan1 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 you cannot make your heart do anything, but you can NOT listen to it.. Your brain tells you to do the right thing most of the time, all you can do is decide for yourself. Once you have made a decision you will feel so much better!! trust me decide for yourself
iamawesome Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I disagree, I believe you can make the heart listen to the mind and I agree that it does take time, but most of all practice. The mind is very powerful and can easily influence our own feelings. Although you have made a decision in your mind, you are not at peace with that decision. Perhaps you feel that decision was forced and not truly your own? Maybe you have a subtle doubt about your decision and feel there is a possibility you are making a huge mistake? What ever it is, you need to really get in touch with your emotions and confront them head on. Be emotionally honest with yourself. Be honest with circumstance and understand your own limitations. Identify factors beyond your control. Your heart will listen, it just needs a good guide. This will make time's job more effective.
Author broken19 Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 Thanks for that guys. Every bit helps. I have in the past made decisions both from heart and mind and it depends on what the decisions are I guess. This one is hard as my heart got broken..maybe a broken heart is not yet capable of deciding. That's why mind tells not to call him just cos I miss him but heart really wants to..so badly. But I am trying hard not to call him. One thing helps. I know he will either not answer or he will text and say he does not want to talk or communicate in any way. So I use the little dignity I have left to stop myself from making a fool of myself. Why people do this to someone they loved so much and say they still do I will never understand. My faith in love and men (sorry all the men out there) is so diminished. For now. The incredible things he said. I was swept off my feet. I just wish no one would do that to anyone. It hurts so much:(
J Wool Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I disagree, I believe you can make the heart listen to the mind and I agree that it does take time, but most of all practice. The mind is very powerful and can easily influence our own feelings. Although you have made a decision in your mind, you are not at peace with that decision. Perhaps you feel that decision was forced and not truly your own? Maybe you have a subtle doubt about your decision and feel there is a possibility you are making a huge mistake? What ever it is, you need to really get in touch with your emotions and confront them head on. Be emotionally honest with yourself. Be honest with circumstance and understand your own limitations. Identify factors beyond your control. Your heart will listen, it just needs a good guide. This will make time's job more effective. I agree 100%
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