Simone84 Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I don't want to be a bad friend, but i don't want to mess something up with a guy that could potentially be a good thing... Can someone tell me their honest opinion on this one: My best friend and i have been checking out a group of guys that work at a site literally metres from my house. I've had my eye on one, and she's had her eye on another one. The one she has had her eye on has actually been talking to us for a few weeks now. And let me just clear up that my friend has always only just wanted to SLEEP with him and that is it. Fastforward a few weeks and here's the situation: the guy i liked turns out to be married. Therefore, he's a write-off. The guy she has liked and who has been talking to us turns out to actually like ME, not her. He's been going out of his way to hang out close to where i live and just today he actually asked me out for a drink over the weekend. I have also always thought he was cute but i had my eye on the other guy until i realised he was married. Because i actually live just across from where he works, he's been talking to me quite a bit and we've actually gotten to know each other a bit. The problem is this... My friend still wants to go for him, despite the fact that she now knows the guy she's liked actually likes me and has asked me out and that we're getting to know each other day by day. She still insists that i better not go for him and that she still wants to "bang" him... I said that she's got first dibs at him and to try adn see if he'll go for her still... But i told her i think if he DOESNT give her anything back, that then it's only fair if I do go for him since he's made it clear he likes me and wants to see me on the weekend and i do think he's nice looking. The point is that i've actually gotten to know him and have been talking to him quite a lot because he only works across the road from my place, whereas she's only spoken to him briefly twice and she only wants to sleep with him once. I'm actually getting to know him and there could be potential that i could like him or something more than just a "bang" could happen... What is your advice? Do you think my friend is being unfair and do you think that she should give this guy a try and if he's not givng her anything back and still likes me, that I have every right to go for him and that she should understand that as a friend... I'm just thinking, doesn't it make sense? I mean isn't it the logical thing? You'd think a friend would see it from this perspective? PLEASE HELP!
lululucy Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Logic is rarely involved in love (or lust). I don't think your request is unreasonable, but I understand why she isn't seeing it that way. For her, it's a matter of being territorial. I'd give her a chance to try her luck and try not to talk to the guy for a few weeks.. after she gets shot down (or accomplishes her goal, since that COULD happen), ask her whether she would be okay with you giving it a shot. I know, it's annoying, but would you rather lose a friend over a guy you just met?
Cee Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 (edited) You yourself said the man is only after sex with her. Do you really think that he wants more than sex from you? If the man really likes you and is not a player, he will turn your friend down and ask you out. He is a free agent and can ask out whomever he pleases. If he bangs your friend: you find out he's a player and your friend realizes she's a complete idiot. If he doesn't bang her and asks you out, then you know he might be alright. Step aside and let things play out. In the meantime, you can seek out other potential dating partners. Edited November 16, 2010 by Cee
Author Simone84 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Well we had it out last night and she ended up storming off. I told her that if we both happen to like the same guy (who she barely knows and i know a little better) - and he happens to like ME and not HER, that i think it's incredibly selfish of her to stop me from going for it. I told her that i think it's strange and weird that she would rather neither of us ends up with him than at least one of us (the one he likes). She keeps emphasising she had her eye on him first but the truth is that she's had her eye on at least THREE other guys at the same time too. I'm assuming we're not friends anymore because i slammed the door behind her. This is because I got called a "snake", "a real piece of work" and that i had an "ulterior motivation"... Which is absolute crap because i only started liking him since i've started talking to him every day. I told her that i think it's strange that she would insist pushing herself on a guy who has made it very clear that he likes ME and has already asked me out... I think if she's willing to throw away a friendship over this, she was never a friend in the first place. If there's a "million other dudes out there" for me, then right back at her - there's a million other dudes out there for her too. So what's the problem?
Author Simone84 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 I'd also just like to quickly add that what makes this situation all the more insulting and her behavior unfair/selfish is the fact that she has been trying to "bang" at least three other guys at the same time. This guy is by no means the one and only she has had her eye on for weeks - she was completely obsessed with another guy until he blew her off. She still continues to try to "bang" him despite that. There has also been a second guy in the meantime that she has been on a mission to "bang" as well... And now there is this guy, just one of the three, and as it happens he actually likes me - is it not incredibly selfish of her to refuse me a chance with him. Frankly, i'm worried about her mental state and her obsession with just getting a "bang" - that alone makes her unbelievably desperate. More than anything i'm concerned about the cheek she has in insisting she still "bangs" the guy who has just asked me out... Is that not a slap in the face for me or what?!
carhill Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Well, I was going to mention something nice about friendship being more important than some guy, but, blah....
craw Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Great advice. You yourself said the man is only after sex with her. Do you really think that he wants more than sex from you? If the man really likes you and is not a player, he will turn your friend down and ask you out. He is a free agent and can ask out whomever he pleases. If he bangs your friend: you find out he's a player and your friend realizes she's a complete idiot. If he doesn't bang her and asks you out, then you know he might be alright. Step aside and let things play out. In the meantime, you can seek out other potential dating partners.
craw Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Exactly. Ive been in this situation before n let het have him. Plenty of other guys out there....... Also, if this means so much you. Find a supportive friend.Well, I was going to mention something nice about friendship being more important than some guy, but, blah....
Author Simone84 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 No you must have got that wrong - he DOESNT want to "bang" her... He isn't interested in her whatsoever. It's my friend who wants to just get a quick lay out of HIM. Meanwhile, he's asking ME out... And i think he's cute and i've gotten to know him quite a bit over the last few weeks. Please tell me if i'm being unreasonable because i honestly thought this would make sense to her as well... It's just ridiculous to tell me not to go for him when i talk to him every day, he's shown interest in me, etc. - just so that she can get "one quick bang" out of him... I think it's nonsense.
musemaj11 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Lol, your friend is like a guy in a girl's body. She wanna bang anything that moves. What country are you from by the way? We certainly dont use 'meter' here in Amerika. LOL
Author Simone84 Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Australia! And nah it's not that she's a dude in a female body - it's that she's just desperate at the moment... It's kind of scary to be honest, i'm a bit worried about her. What's insulting is that ANYONE WOULD DO right now for her pretty much - and yet, the one guy of the three that she's trying to "bang" is the one that likes ME... Jesus, wouldn't you have the nerve to step back and let your friend have him if that's the case and he's just asked her out...??!! If that was me, i honestly would just step aside and let her have him if he's already shown interest in her - let alone to keep insisting that she still has a "crack" at him even though she knows he wants me... It's so bizarre. I don't think i've lost a friend to be honest - this don't sound like a friend to me at all in the first place. I think her comment about "girls don't do this to each other" is such a crock of **** - i don't believe she's exactly any kind of moral compass. If a guy likes your friend and not you, you let your friend have him that's what "girls do for each other", otherwise you just look desperate. Really pissed over this. A very selfish little girl with no common sense or pride has just revealed herself to me.
OceanGirl Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Personally, I don't go for men that my close friends have expressed an interest in. No. matter. what. It has cost me dearly once and I am not even friends with the girl anymore. But at the time she was my best friend and a guy she had a crush on had asked me out. I was crazy attracted to him and he was persistent. I never gave in..and have no regrets.
Confusedalways Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 I'd be really mad if someone did to me what you did to your friend. I just would never do that to someone and expect the same treatment in return.
Sarah1977 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 This has happened to me quite a few times. And I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS backed off from the guy in the name of friendship. So, of course, I think you're the lousy friend here. *shrugs
OceanGirl Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 This has happened to me quite a few times. And I have ALWAYS, ALWAYS backed off from the guy in the name of friendship. So, of course, I think you're the lousy friend here. *shrugs Yeah, it's a no-brainer to me. You probably wouldn't even notice this guy if your friend didn't point him out for you.
O'Malley Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 No you must have got that wrong - he DOESNT want to "bang" her... He isn't interested in her whatsoever. It's my friend who wants to just get a quick lay out of HIM. Meanwhile, he's asking ME out... And i think he's cute and i've gotten to know him quite a bit over the last few weeks. Please tell me if i'm being unreasonable because i honestly thought this would make sense to her as well... It's just ridiculous to tell me not to go for him when i talk to him every day, he's shown interest in me, etc. - just so that she can get "one quick bang" out of him... I think it's nonsense. If he's absolutely not encouraging her interest, and has made that clear to her, then she is acting absurd. Why keep throwing herself at a guy who hasn't reciprocated? Neither of you has dated or hooked up with him, so she should get over it. However, on your side, I wouldn't go after anyone a friend was interested in unless I was fine with the friendship being affected. It sounds as if there was already an unhealthy undercurrent of competition in your friendship, and that you two aren't as similar as you believed.
musemaj11 Posted November 17, 2010 Posted November 17, 2010 Australia! And nah it's not that she's a dude in a female body - it's that she's just desperate at the moment... It's kind of scary to be honest, i'm a bit worried about her. What's insulting is that ANYONE WOULD DO right now for her pretty much - and yet, the one guy of the three that she's trying to "bang" is the one that likes ME... Jesus, wouldn't you have the nerve to step back and let your friend have him if that's the case and he's just asked her out...??!! If that was me, i honestly would just step aside and let her have him if he's already shown interest in her - let alone to keep insisting that she still has a "crack" at him even though she knows he wants me... It's so bizarre. I don't think i've lost a friend to be honest - this don't sound like a friend to me at all in the first place. She is desperate for what? Sex? Relationship? Anyway, I dont think you should have accepted the guy. Friendship comes first. ALWAYS.
Author Simone84 Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 That is exactly my point - in my view she is acting ABSURD because not only has he NOT shown interest in her (it's pretty damn clear if IM the one he's asking out), but neither of us has hooked up with him. Honestly - if the situation was reversed, the second i realised the guy we both think is hot actually likes HER and NOT me - i would have stepped aside and let her have him! That would have been a no-brainer, that woudl have been the rational thing to do. Plus i'd save some pride. As far as friendship is concerned, i think THATS what REAL friends do for each other - you accept the fact that the guy isn't interested in you and let your friend have him if the feelings between them are mutual. I just find it completely bizarre to get pissed off over it or to continue to push yourself onto him even after he's made it clear he wants your friend... In my view, a friendship means that you step aside when it becomes clear who wants who and you realise there's plenty of other guys out there. ESPECIALLY if you are like her and are trying to hook up with at least TWO OTHER guys at the same time. Basically for her, it's been a matter whichever one of these three dudes came first. This isn't a crush for her that she's been obsessing over for months - this is just one of the three dudes she is trying to "bang". Btw, by "desperate" i was referring to her being "desperate" for a "bang". She has actually said this to me herself. I just cannot see how i may have "stolen" him from her when he was never hers in the first place, nor the ONLY ONE she wanted... The more i think about it the more strange i think she is...
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