in0v3rmyH3ad Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Here is the story..... My GF and I have been together for 2 months, and made a rushed decision to move in together. For the last 2 weeks she has been out almost every night with our single female roommate. Now she is younger than i am, (me 26 and her 20) so i understand her need to go out and have these experiences. So we talked about it and i told her i dont have a problem with her going out, but to also make some time for me. I also made it a point to go have more guys nights with my buddies so i'm not at home alone pissed off that she isnt there. But even after all this she still chooses to hang out more with her friends and our roommate than me. In the last week i've had maybe a night with her and 2 afternoons. I've talked to her again about it and she apologizes and says she will find a "balance". But i'm sure she is again not going to do anything about it and continue doing what she is doing. This last talk was more serious and i told her that i'm not sure if i can continue fighting about this issue, and if there is no win-win resolution, i'll have no choice but to break it off with her and effectively kick her out. I in no way want this to happen, but i dont want to be in an unhappy relationship. I dont know what to do..... please help.....
reservoirdog1 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 WAAAAAY too early to have moved in together. When she moved in you were still in the honeymoon stage, the part with lots of great sex where there aren't usually any true "feelings" at play yet... only lust and a desire for fun. TONS of dating "relationships" end at the 2-3 month mark because it's around that time that real feelings start to creep in... or they don't. The reality is, your GF is only just barely an adult. She has next to no life experience. You have far more than she does. Sorry to say, but this doesn't look good in terms of long-term potential.
Lemontang Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 That does seem pretty rushed, did she do this a lot before you moved in together? Granted makes no difference if she's 20 or not. An ex of mine was 30 and she'd be out every chance she got for a girls night out...needless to say she was actually picking up other guys, but that's another story. ;P You've already made it clear you want to set some 'us' time aside. So go ahead and do that and actually schedule a date night. One week you take her out on a date some place, next week she takes you out. But actually set it to a certain day/night, so that you both know that's 'your' time together. Bit like every Thursdays Yoga, Fridays Date night etc...
GolferGirl123 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 When one has been dating someone for only 2 months, I don't think there is anything wrong with only seeing each other 3 days out of 7 - in fact, that seems pretty normal to me. It sounds like she spends roughly half her free time with you? That seems pretty balanced to me. You live together, and she is going out with your mutual roommate, so I assume she comes home to you every night, right? You are telling her that you want to spend more time with her, but her actions are showing you that doesn't need to spend quite as much QT with you - exactly what kind of balance is it that you're looking for, and specifically what is your problem with her going out and spending time away from you? You need to compromise also, so both your needs are being met. Have you ever asked her if you can join her and your mutual roommate when they go out? Are you sure she didn't just move in with you because she needed a place to live?
Author in0v3rmyH3ad Posted November 16, 2010 Author Posted November 16, 2010 i'll be the first to admit that moving in together was too quick. At first we spent everyday almost all day together, but now there is some growing apart and perhaps i'm blowing this way out of proportion because things have changed from all day everyday to what it is now. I'm going to try to be more understanding but i went into this thing thinking that we were both looking for the same thing, but now she wants more freedom and i'm here stuck thinking if this is still the relationship i want to be in. I asked her specifically if moving in with me was just because she wanted out of her grandparents place, and she told me no. I have no reason not to trust her on this so all i can do is give her the benefit of the doubt. And the specific problem i have with her going out all the time is that there is barely anytime for me. I work a 9-5 office job and she works half as much as i do at a grocery store. So when i get home i'd like to spend some time with her, because in about 5 hours i'm in the sack getting ready for another day. And when she is out for 3 of those 5 hours i'm awake and gets home at 2am, then she repeats this almost every night then why am i even here..... she might as well be single.
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