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He's Shy What Do I Do?

paddington bear

By paddington bear
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paddington bear Established Member

paddington bear

Posted
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I have met someone who I really, really like and as the weeks have gone by we have gotten really close - to the point that others around us mistakenly think that there is something going on between us (obviously, I wish there was).

 

I didn't see him as shy at all, because he chats away to me, but 2 other people who met him have described him to me as 'crippled with shyness' which actually I was surprised by as we just clicked pretty much immediately and he chats away to me, so it didn't occur to me that he was shy. Apparently I am the only one he talks to so easily. However, he does get nervous at other times, when I think back, usually if we are saying goodbye or are alone together. He gets all shifty and nervy and I guess so do I.

 

My question is: what to do? I am flirting, but I don't want to pounce on him in case he just sees me as a friend which will just make things really awkward and of course would be mortifying for me.

 

Will someone shy ever make a move? How much time do I give him? We could go on like this for months and that would be torture.

 

Am I going to have to go down that horrible route of making the first move only to be told that he doesn't see me in that way? I mean, maybe he is shy, but also not interested and I'm reading this all wrong.

 

I don't want to scare him off by being too aggressive either and perhaps he wants to feel manly and like he's 'won' me somehow and me making some kind of move would ruin that.

 

Or should I just sit back, confident that he will get so frustrated that he will be forced into doing something?

 

I have friends who have had to ask the guy to kiss them, because the guys didn't seem to pick up on all the flirting and hanging around that the girls did and thought was totally obvious.

 

Anyway, I need advice please on how to proceed. I don't want to end up in the dreaded friendzone :(

Cee Established Member

Cee

Posted
Posted

I had a friend like that who was painfully shy (with others, not me). He never made a move until I said I had feelings for him. Then he admitted that he liked me.

 

Bring the subject that you have feelings for him. See what he says. The worst that will happen is you'll get friendzoned, which wouldn't change your relationship at all.

 

Good luck.

O'Malley Established Member

O'Malley

Posted
Posted

If he's that shy, he's probably under the impression that you're not interested in anything other than friendship, so there is the increased likelihood that he won't initiate.

 

However scary the prospect of asking him out may seem, isn't going to compare to the regret you will feel if neither of you initiates. Why allow yourself to miss out on what seems to be a great guy?

 

Nothing wrong with upping the ante -- teasing, some lighter flirting -- and ask him if he'd like to go out with you to dinner or an event (just make sure to mention a specific day and time). If he says yes, go from there. If he's not interested in anything further, there will be some embarrassment for a time, but hopefully you can still enjoy your relationship with him.

TheShyIntrovert Member

TheShyIntrovert

Posted
Posted

He is going to need a cue from you to initiate a date. For example, next time you hang out drop a hint that you want to see that new movie that is out but otherwise let him initiate the date and time. If he doesn't then you are either going to have to ask him out which could lead to a one-sided relationship or you could be right, he considers you a friend and that is why he is so relaxed around you.

waynebrady Established Member

waynebrady

Posted
Posted
He is going to need a cue from you to initiate a date. For example, next time you hang out drop a hint that you want to see that new movie that is out but otherwise let him initiate the date and time. If he doesn't then you are either going to have to ask him out which could lead to a one-sided relationship or you could be right, he considers you a friend and that is why he is so relaxed around you.

 

What do you mean "one-sided relationship"? There's nothing wrong for her to make the first move... It won't ruin anything.

 

Why should the man always have to be the one who makes the first move? He doesn't know you like him either so he runs the same chance of getting rejected if he initiates.

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paddington bear Established Member

paddington bear

Posted
  • Author
Posted

one sided relationship...I've kind of been in those before, where the guy just goes with the flow, it's landed in his lap, but he was never that bothered from the offset and leaves you for someone better because it all came too easily.

 

Anyway, thanks for the comments, but ach, looks like I'm going to have to do something. I don't want to. I'm too afraid.

Content Established Member

Content

Posted
Posted

Welcome to a Mans world we face rejection like that all the time

 

if you are that interested in him tell him,whast the worst that could happen he says no?

 

This could be the guy you may spend the rest of your life with but you wont try because of rejection?

Eeyore79 Established Member

Eeyore79

Posted
Posted

I was once in the same situation with a really shy guy. He later told me that he really liked me, and the whole time he'd been hoping I would just kiss him or something, because he was too scared to make a move.

 

Shy guys sometimes find it difficult to accept that someone actually likes them, and hence they're less likely to make a move. Even your most obvious flirting probably passes him right by. If you like him, you're going to have to do something really obvious, even to the extent of asking him out yourself. Get him alone, and either be really obvious about your interest (though there's no guarantee he'll pick up on it), or just lean in close and kiss him!

Metoo33 Member

Metoo33

Posted
Posted
I have met someone who I really, really like and as the weeks have gone by we have gotten really close - to the point that others around us mistakenly think that there is something going on between us (obviously, I wish there was).

 

I didn't see him as shy at all, because he chats away to me, but 2 other people who met him have described him to me as 'crippled with shyness' which actually I was surprised by as we just clicked pretty much immediately and he chats away to me, so it didn't occur to me that he was shy. Apparently I am the only one he talks to so easily. However, he does get nervous at other times, when I think back, usually if we are saying goodbye or are alone together. He gets all shifty and nervy and I guess so do I.

 

My question is: what to do? I am flirting, but I don't want to pounce on him in case he just sees me as a friend which will just make things really awkward and of course would be mortifying for me.

 

Will someone shy ever make a move? How much time do I give him? We could go on like this for months and that would be torture.

 

Am I going to have to go down that horrible route of making the first move only to be told that he doesn't see me in that way? I mean, maybe he is shy, but also not interested and I'm reading this all wrong.

 

I don't want to scare him off by being too aggressive either and perhaps he wants to feel manly and like he's 'won' me somehow and me making some kind of move would ruin that.

 

Or should I just sit back, confident that he will get so frustrated that he will be forced into doing something?

 

I have friends who have had to ask the guy to kiss them, because the guys didn't seem to pick up on all the flirting and hanging around that the girls did and thought was totally obvious.

 

Anyway, I need advice please on how to proceed. I don't want to end up in the dreaded friendzone :(

 

The guy I'm currently seeing was so shy at the beginning. For the first 3 dates he didn't try to kiss me. I was sure he just wanted to be friends, nothing more. But he kept asking me out so on the fourth date I just came out and said "can I kiss you" he said yes and I did! He was shaking! Now he is totally at ease. I say make a move!

SincereOnlineGuy Established Member

SincereOnlineGuy

Posted
Posted
I have met someone who I really, really like and as the weeks have gone by we have gotten really close - to the point that others around us mistakenly think that there is something going on between us (obviously, I wish there was).

 

I didn't see him as shy at all, because he chats away to me, but 2 other people who met him have described him to me as 'crippled with shyness' which actually I was surprised by as we just clicked pretty much immediately and he chats away to me, so it didn't occur to me that he was shy. Apparently I am the only one he talks to so easily. However, he does get nervous at other times, when I think back, usually if we are saying goodbye or are alone together. He gets all shifty and nervy and I guess so do I.

 

My question is: what to do? I am flirting, but I don't want to pounce on him in case he just sees me as a friend which will just make things really awkward and of course would be mortifying for me.

 

Will someone shy ever make a move? How much time do I give him? We could go on like this for months and that would be torture.

 

Am I going to have to go down that horrible route of making the first move only to be told that he doesn't see me in that way? I mean, maybe he is shy, but also not interested and I'm reading this all wrong.

 

I don't want to scare him off by being too aggressive either and perhaps he wants to feel manly and like he's 'won' me somehow and me making some kind of move would ruin that.

 

Or should I just sit back, confident that he will get so frustrated that he will be forced into doing something?

 

I have friends who have had to ask the guy to kiss them, because the guys didn't seem to pick up on all the flirting and hanging around that the girls did and thought was totally obvious.

 

Anyway, I need advice please on how to proceed. I don't want to end up in the dreaded friendzone :(

 

 

Guys simply do not do the "friends" thing with women to whom they are not attracted romantically unless it is for reasons of mandatory proximity like work/family/friend-of-romantic-interest/etc.

 

With that, you should just drop all of the barriers that keep you from making a direct and clear move, and take a chance.

 

You are the woman - you have all the power here, so use it.

musemaj11 Established Member

musemaj11

Posted
Posted
The guy I'm currently seeing was so shy at the beginning. For the first 3 dates he didn't try to kiss me. I was sure he just wanted to be friends, nothing more. But he kept asking me out so on the fourth date I just came out and said "can I kiss you" he said yes and I did! He was shaking! Now he is totally at ease. I say make a move!

Asking for permission to kiss is not hot at all. :(

 

You should have just gone for it when you felt the moment was right. :)

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