The date from Hell

[BrianK]

This happened months ago and I am just posting it here now so a few of you can get a laugh at my expense or to also share your hell dates..

 

Enjoy

 

I was contacted on POF by a random chick, profile read like she really wanted a LTR, good career and ultimately wanted a "happy home, happy family"..

 

So we message each other, chat..I get pics...everything is OK. Moves to a few phone calls of which none are under 2 hours long and she seems very kind, wholesome and acceptable. Good, lets hook-up.

 

We planned to meet at a Starbucks and then just go for a walk. As to not just sit down somewhere and nervously stare at each other like idiots and perform job interviews..

 

I arrive on time but do not see her, I wait 15 minutes and still nothing, so I send her a text.."you here?" She replies "OMG was that tonight?" An HOUR later she arrives and when I saw her it was apparent her photos she sent me were all at least 3-4 years old..this girl was 32 and didnt look a day younger, she also had packed on a few pounds since the pics and her outfit was doing its best to hide it (pics seemed to look about 26-28).

 

Whatever..we got along well on the phone, so off we go on our walk. We make it about 5 blocks and she says she hasn't eaten all day so lets hit a nice place and get some dinner...fine, lets do it.

 

We sit down and she starts playing with her phone, texting...even answering calls, some where she even got up and left the booth we were sitting in. At this point I am starting to see this chick is not the actress that I talked with on the phone...way different in real life.

 

Then we get our appetizer and our forks are missing, so she very rudely barks at the waitress and she gets them for us. Then it rolls into, I am being too quiet and its obviously my insecurities and that we would never make a decent couple.

 

WTF

 

I let go, that this is a first date and if she expects us to instantly jive she is on another planet and that her new found behavior is because she saw the look on my face when I first saw her and she was doing this because she thought I didnt like her....silence. (finally)

 

Then she starts giving me the 3rd degree because I have not complimented her enough and that I cut her down twice (she was unable to recite where this had happened...because it didnt)

 

Now, our food comes..I take one bite and do not like the peanut sauce that was on the top...she INSTANTLY "Waitress, he does not like it...please take it back and get him something else!!" I am like But--but...she wouldnt even let me talk. They take it back, bring me something else...but forget the fork again.. Her- "I'll take care of this" and marches off to give the waitress **** for the 3rd time.

 

I am sitting back wondering WTF is happening and quickly thinking up and escape plan, when crazylady comes back and orders us 2 more drafts..

 

Bartender shows up to the table, hands me mine and goes "get that into you". She shoots back to him "Whats that supposed to mean" as he walks away laughing.

 

I slam my beer, pay (shes on the phone again..5th time) and Iam about to tell her its been fun but I am outta here. We get out to the sidewalk and now she wants to go somewhere else for more beers and that she'll pay.

 

OK

 

I find a spot right by the subway and we go in there, now she turns to me and says "I need to kiss you to see how attracted to you I really am" (sitting right at the bar). Now I am on beer 6, so F*%K it..make out session with this B1tch it is..we left groping each other..(dont remember much after the tequila and whiskey shooters except waving to her from the subway)

 

 

She texts me a day later and says 'I had fun, we should go out again"

 

:laugh:

 

Never seen or heard from her since

[SomewhatExperienced]

Thanks for sharing. That was great. It amazes me sometimes that people like that actually exist.

[sanskrit]

Misery loves company so they say:

 

1. Had one that got drunk and wouldn't stop singing madonna songs. The people we rode with couldn't take it and stranded us an hour away from home. We found another ride, worse results, more madonna, I ended up inviting street winos in my house for "cocktails" to get her to leave. She hid under my bed for awhile and then left.

 

2. Had one that threw up in the floorboard of my car then wanted me to wait so she could go in and brush the vomit from her teeth so we could make out. Nothanky.

 

3. Had one from the net turn up unshowered, 30-50 pounds heavier than her profile, sweaty in borrowed clothes that were way too small. The effect was that her gut hung way out onto the table in the restaurant. When I ordered a nice bottle of wine, she started whining that all the men she dates are alcoholic, then broke down outright and started wailing over some dude who had dumped her via text message that very week. She ordered a whole other entree "to go" on my tab after plowing through her dessert in two minutes like a starved ox, and then acted insulted when I accepted her offer to pay for the extra entree. When dropping her off, she said, "You aren't going to call me, are you?" I replied, "call you -what- exactly?" and left.

 

4. Had another one refuse to talk in anything other than a fake british accent the whole night. "Cheerio guvnuh!" Nuff said on that.

 

5. Had one make out with me on a first date, then started getting threatening phone calls from a spanish speaking fiancee that night and several nights after. Funfun.

 

could go on and on.

[BrianK]

 

could go on and on.

 

Please do! We may as well have a little fun!

[Cee]

Sanskrit

 

Or maybe I should say, I'm sorry. Those are pretty horrible experiences. I'll throw in some of my own so you can laugh at me.

 

1) I had a British speaker too. He had an English accent (from New Jersey) and was a dandy or fop. His mannerisms were exaggerated and his dress was odd (had an old fashioned bowler on). He kept trying to put his head on my shoulder in the bar and I was not having that at all.

 

2) One a first (last) date this guy got drunk and passed out at the table in the restaurant. He was paying the bill and nodded off. The servers brought over glasses of water and I waited with him for 45 minutes to wake up. I suppose I could have left, but I helped him into a cab and said, "Sayonara."

 

3) On a first date a guy suggested we check out an erotica shop. I was hesitant, but sex shops were pretty touristy in this part of town. I thought we'd look and giggle. But inside he asked very specific questions about butt plugs and anal vibrators with the clerk. Then later, I ran into a friend. My date went into lengthy conversation about the definition of a man's abs in some gladiator movie that none of us ever saw. And he kept going on and on about this stupid movie. My friend was being polite and listening, but she must have thought I was crazy for dating him.

 

4) On the TMI front, on a first date a guy told me about his chronic STD. I thought it was honest and forthright to share that, but it was definitely a date killer.

[BrianK]

Another from the net a few years ago.. During chats she mentioned she worked in the fashion industry. After night 2 of just chatting online she really wanted to meet.

 

While having food I asked her about what she did in "The fashion industry"

 

She replied with "I sell clothes retail in a store".

 

 

After that we never did see each other again over a magnitude of reasons and I even randomly ran into her a few times afterwards, which was odd (hate that).

[xpaperxcutx]

Hmm let's see...

 

Had a guy tried to put the moves on me the first date; we were at his apartment chatting on his sofa, when he decided to stick his tongue down my throat. That was and still is my first slimy kiss.

 

There was also another first date with a 24 year old financier from Cali. He was a gentleman the whole night, paying for dinner, opening doors, etc. Of course at the end of the night he decided to ask me when we would have sex-

 

Him: " So when do you think we can have sex?"

 

Me: " Umm..."

 

Him: " How about the third date? Yep, the third date then. ( a huge grin on his face."

 

Me: ( Thinking about getting on the subway and getting out of there).

[Eeyore79]

I once had a date with this guy, and in the middle of a particularly heavy make-out session we had this conversation:

 

ME: I'm glad we met because I really like you (big grin)

HIM: Yeah, you know I'm not going to leave Jane though.

ME: Who the hell is Jane?

HIM: My fiancee.

 

WTF?!

 

On a different occasion, in the middle of kissing me goodnight the guy asked if he could strangle me because he got off on it. Again, WTF?!