Theforgottenmelody Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 My ex fiance cheated and called off our wedding earlier this year and basically sent my life into a tailspin, for the first few months i was extremely depressed and would just lay in my house in limbo waiting for her to call etc. she would call every few days or weeks and although it may my day it would also send me back t square one because of the hope that she was coming back and the conversation topics didnt do anything to say otherwise. anyway in july through the grapevine she found out i slept with someone, and i didnt deny it. it was during the phase where i needed anybody just to be around me but nothing more and it happend. she stopped calling after i told her that and it had been three months since three months since i heard from her but she called a few days ago while i was sleep. but im so afraid of her because of how i feel when i talk to her i didnt call back noe did she. now im able to cope simply by avoiding people and not talking about her i dont deal with the problem(wrong but it works ). I love her dearly but am soo angry at the same time. i have no trust in females, little tolerance and am refusing to date because it feels just wrong. she knows what im going through and how bad she hurt me. my question is why call? you didnt care when i came to pieces begged you to stay etc. but now im getting my masters trying to get my life back together and just learn to be sane again. as much as i miss her square one hurts more. any advice
AlisaMarie Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 After all is said and done, I have no idea why "they" call. It's like they want to reopen the wound and stop us from healing our hurt. My ex did that a lot with stupid reasons. He would tell me that he wanted back a dvd or something left behind. Then he would text me just to insult me. It's like he wanted my attention whether it was positive or negative. I know it hurts... but you have every right to move on when you are emotionally ready. So what if you slept with someone else? You were not together. Do not feel like you "messed" anything up. My ex also questioned what I did while we were apart and I told him, really...it's none of your business. He left me... so I felt that anything I did wasn't for him to know (even though I didn't do anything). Keep moving on, do you schooling and forget it...I know it's hard, but talking to her is just going to make it more hard and prevent you from having a normal healthy relationship in the future. I hope you find peace in your heart.
Author Theforgottenmelody Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 as much as i try its really hard because she got me through this very same thing ten years earlier and i trusted her with everything and it was like a judas kiss in the end. i never had problems getting women but im sort of and old soul even though im only 31. i have old school values and these women scare me literally. and the ones that dont. sad to say they arent her. but i havent had sex in 8 months now and havent went on a date. i just dont want to completely go back into the smae shell i was in ten hyears earlier. thanks fpr the reply;)
Chi townD Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 You would probably benefit by going to see a therapist. Ten years is a long time to be harboring such hurt feelings. True, what she did was bad, but ten years later shouldn't have you to the point of crushing numbing pain where you find yourself posting here. You're going to grad school. Great! Awesome! I would suggest putting yourself out there, not for dating but to get your social interaction back. Join a club, or a co-ed sports league (softball or whatever). Grab some friends and plan a white water rafting trip. Something! And you'll be surprised at the amount of people you meet along the way. Even someone you can connect with when you're not looking.
AlisaMarie Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I know how you feel about being an "old soul." I am 32. I think the same way. I have morals and you know that you really can't use sex with another to get over someone even though friends say that's how to do it. It makes me feel like a cheater and dirty since my heart belongs to someone else (even though they are not taking it). I have been really closed to the world for the past 2 weeks and it's like I am waiting to hear from him, because he was the one to always come back. I followed all the rules and stuff. I am showing typical signs of depression like blowing off life and sitting around moping. I don't know what ever happened to working things out. How can you have so much love for eachother and then poof, like that...it's gone. Peole come and go out of life, but why? It just doesn't make any sense to me.
Author Theforgottenmelody Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 nooooo. we were together for ten years we broke up nine months ago were set to get married four months ago. i was engaged before i met her and the same type of thing happend
Author Theforgottenmelody Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 I know how you feel about being an "old soul." I am 32. I think the same way. I have morals and you know that you really can't use sex with another to get over someone even though friends say that's how to do it. It makes me feel like a cheater and dirty since my heart belongs to someone else (even though they are not taking it). I have been really closed to the world for the past 2 weeks and it's like I am waiting to hear from him, because he was the one to always come back. I followed all the rules and stuff. I am showing typical signs of depression like blowing off life and sitting around moping. I don't know what ever happened to working things out. How can you have so much love for eachother and then poof, like that...it's gone. Peole come and go out of life, but why? It just doesn't make any sense to me. i have been there where you are and i honestly felt death had to feel better( no acutal plans). but i just wanted all the hurt to go away, truth is it doesnt right away and may take years. what i have done is know that i loved with everything and was loyal, you cant make a person stay no matter what. there are no words that will take away you hurt for more than few minutes or hours but although i hurt everyday im better than i was yesterday and you will be too. people dont fall in love by choice /they fall in love by chance people dont stay in love by chance/they stay in love with work people dont fall out of love by chance/they fall out of love by choice!
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