Ladies, how do you prefer to be approached by a man?

[kevin32]

I'm trying to get better at meeting women and would like some tips for how to approach them that will make them at least more open and receptive to me, even if nothing becomes of it.

 

Also, what are some examples of being approached that turns you OFF, so I make sure not to do that. Thanks.

[Cee]

I usually don't respond to the cold approach ever unless I have already noticed the guy and am curious about him. I'm more receptive if the approach is from my initiating-- eye contact usually. I've had guys come up from behind me at clubs and that never works. But one time I thought a guy was cute and I made eye contact and he came over. We talked and then started dating.

[kevin32]

Thanks Cee

[GivenUp0083]

Props to OP for asking a POSITIVE and INTELLIGENT question on this thread, and props to any woman who answers in a way that would be productive.

[JaneDoe35]

I agree, the cold approach puts me on the defense.

 

I usually notice a man having a great time dancing.

 

If he is well dressed and well groomed then that will attract me initially.

 

Really don't like being touched by a complete 'stranger' either.

 

I prefer to be approached very casually on the dancefloor mid song!

 

Don't play too hard to get.

 

A compliment is always nice. Something original - doesn't have to be funny

 

or clever, just a bit different. Helps if you mean it!

 

Apart from a club/bar I guess you would tend to be meeting potential

 

girlfriends through other friends so that is very different.

 

Same for at work or other places.

[Feelin Frisky]

Not a lady. But what seems logical to me to make things fluid and comfortable is for a guy to quickly take steps to make himself seem accessible and not threatening, a tough nut, a complexity, a social liability, a smarmy creep absorbed with himself. So, the bottom line express way is to take the quickest opportunity to pitch her your name instead of putting her on the spot for hers. If she comes through with hers, it's a sign that she's accessible too--but not much more than that yet.

 

But at least you've gotten into breaking the ice with an approach that doesn't put her on th spot. Anything after that of a small talk thing is probably just considered innocuous if a guy tends to keep giving her the power to opt out--doing so represents a strength on his part and not sense of insecurity on inadequacy--it's just consideration that you own him nothing and he's mature enough to accept that and perhaps even adept enough to start being coy to actually give the woman an in to be a little fresh and tip her hand.

 

Despite what some dipshi+ guys seem to think about woman wanting a guy to make all the moves I disagree. They want a guy to put them at ease with his confidence but not "power them" into corners. They like it when they have power and we have skills to accept an play flirtatious games with those little assertions of power back and forth without them being offensives or controlling. this is how we get impressed with each other's values and personalities. It tips a lot about what to expect--will continue interaction be this intriguing game of tease, surprise, humor, but eventually freedom to also have outs, or will it be a period of clumsy wrong impressions, incursions into privacy, assertions of undue power, capitulations to someone else's power rather than brilliant retort that shifts the tables. I don't know if one can learn this. But gaining a foothold over one's fears and having a good contemporary knowledge set and skilled mastery of words and innuendo are what often work.

[lenny]

Cee's comment is the main one IMO. A cold approach at a club where you haven't seen her checkin you out first probably won't go anywhere.

[Room]

Eye contact and a smile.

[zengirl]

I've been approached cold and been fine with it, mostly, because the guy didn't make it seem like I was a piece of meat. It's really the attitude that matters most.

 

Generally, a good way to approach is to actually have a reason to approach besides the fact that I'm hot. With me, that's easy generally; my style is very specific, and guys have often approached me, asking about something I'm wearing/reading/looking at/whatever. (Obviously, not reading in a club, but a club is a terrible place to meet someone, generally.)

 

A good approach is to approach a small group of women and talk to the whole group----don't just talk to the hot one. This works better with a wingman. I've met guys in clubs, but generally only in groups.

 

A bad approach is anything that screams, "You're hot and I want to bang you!" I'm aware I'm pretty. I'm aware no one would come over if I wasn't, generally. Even if you're hot, I'm going to be instantly on the defensive if I feel like you go up to every pretty girl. Why did you come up to me? If you can answer that in your head, and it's a good answer, you're probably fine.

 

For mass approaching? I've no idea. Most of the time, that doesn't work on me. Most of the guys I've dated either I've approached or have been through friends or online; I've had a few good cold approaches, but they were more specific like described above.

[Banker Chick]

I've been approached all sorts of ways and I don't mind most of them when not done in a cheesy or aggressive manner. I have large blue eyes that seem to stand out and this is by far what most men comment on in some way when approaching me. I never get tired of hearing it and I usually say "thanks" and if I'm interested I'll then keep the conversation going. I've been asked to dance at social events (not at clubs) and if I'm not interested I just politely decline. I've even been "approached" when in line at the ticket counter at the airport. None of these bother me unless I nicely give the indication I'm not interested and they still continue on. Then I get annoyed.

 

I was once approached at the grocery store. It was late at night and I was on the way home from yet another date that went nowhere. The store was somewhat empty at that hour and I was standing with a bag of Oreos deciding what ice cream I wanted to get. A guy came up also looking for ice cream and then after a few seconds I heard him say "Must have been a pretty bad date". It was by far the best pick up line I've ever heard! We talked for awhile and unfortunately I wasn't interested but man ... that was smooth!

[Ruby Slippers]

I like when a guy talks to me as a human being, rather than a potential lay. A little bit of flirting is fine, but if he comes across like a player even slightly, I am hugely turned off.