MW went back to her husband

[FightClub]

So, I found myself out of curiosity seeking out if my MW had a facebook account and by pure accident found her and a picture that I had never seen before.

 

Of all the pictures she had before she deleted contact with me, it was usually just pictures of her, occasionally her and her husband but nothing significant. This one I found on her profile picture was her in a wedding dress on the beach holding hands with her husband and it just tore my apart.

 

I feel used now. I don't know what to do. I've been told by friends to write her a letter and just get everything out and then regardless of her response, that would be my closure.

 

Please read my previous thread, 'Never Thought I'd Be In one' to understand the circumstances about this MW.

 

I just feel betrayed and hurt that I may have possibly been used to help strengthen someone else's marriage.

[myname]

So, I found myself out of curiosity seeking out if my MW had a facebook account and by pure accident found her and a picture that I had never seen before.

 

Of all the pictures she had before she deleted contact with me, it was usually just pictures of her, occasionally her and her husband but nothing significant. This one I found on her profile picture was her in a wedding dress on the beach holding hands with her husband and it just tore my apart.

 

I feel used now. I don't know what to do. I've been told by friends to write her a letter and just get everything out and then regardless of her response, that would be my closure.

 

Please read my previous thread, 'Never Thought I'd Be In one' to understand the circumstances about this MW.

 

I just feel betrayed and hurt that I may have possibly been used to help strengthen someone else's marriage.

 

Hi, I understand your pain. I feel something similar myself. Betrayed and hurt, and thinking that while I am left with nothing, the married couple have each other and have learnt about themselves and each other and can use that to go forward in a better way. If I was a better person maybe I could feel happy for them, but I'm too caught up in feeling sorry for myself and devastated.

[Idalis]

I dont think there is such a thing as closure, just b/c its hard to have a FINAL conversation with someone you love, especially a one-sided conversation. You will always think of something else you could have said, or a better way to have said it.

You need to just move on, and if your exMW is happy now then let her be. Everyone, regardless of what mistakes they've made, deserves to be happy. So do you!

 

I doubt you've made their relationship STRONGER just b/c you didn't break it. But they do have a right to try to pick up the pieces and start over with out you in the picture.

[FightClub]

I could be completely wrong or right, just wanted to point that out. I was thinking selfishly in the moment.

 

Right now I really don't know the circumstances and now that I think about it, I believe I *have* seen this photo before and forgot about it. I'm not going to jump to any conclusions and I am not going to let my emotions rule my logic.

 

I am going to come to peace with my original thread, I let my emotion about everything flair up.

 

I will remain in NC and let everything come together as it should.

 

Thanks for *everyone* here who has been involved to some degree in these types of life experiences, you are all incredible people to share your stories.

 

-FC

Edited November 15, 2010 by FightClub

[secretlady76]

So, I found myself out of curiosity seeking out if my MW had a facebook account and by pure accident found her and a picture that I had never seen before.

 

Of all the pictures she had before she deleted contact with me, it was usually just pictures of her, occasionally her and her husband but nothing significant. This one I found on her profile picture was her in a wedding dress on the beach holding hands with her husband and it just tore my apart.

 

I feel used now. I don't know what to do. I've been told by friends to write her a letter and just get everything out and then regardless of her response, that would be my closure.

 

Please read my previous thread, 'Never Thought I'd Be In one' to understand the circumstances about this MW.

 

I just feel betrayed and hurt that I may have possibly been used to help strengthen someone else's marriage.

 

I'm going to sound harsh here but I know what I'm talking about:

 

I guess you knew she had a Facebook account because you knew the pictures she had on it previously. The picture of her and her husband is there because a) she likes the picture, b) it's an anniversary or something, c) she's making a point or d) she wants a reaction.

 

Either way, does it matter? She has chosen her husband over you and you need to accept that. Why on earth are you looking at her Facebook? All you're trying to do is find non-existent hidden meanings in photos that aren't meant for you. If they were meant for you then you'd still be friends.....and if she wanted to be in touch with you, then she'd get in touch. This behaviour is only going to prolong your agony. Yeah, write a letter but she'll either not respond, or, if she does, it'll be a load of bull that won't make you feel any better.

 

Cut all contact with her, stop looking at FB and get over it....she obviously has and even if she hasn't she's doing a good job at pretending she is, for the sake of her and her husband. I know how hard it is but in the long run you'll be pleased you didn't waste anymore time chasing a dream that no longer exists (well it does, but only in YOUR head). Rejection is the best aphrodiasic and you're drinking it in plenty at the mo. Good Luck.

[FightClub]

SL76,

 

I appreciate the honesty and you are right, like I said, upon posting this thread I acted on emotion and I wasn't thinking everything through.

 

I'm not going to make the same mistake, I just let go of control of my emotions at the last minute. Seeing what everyone has gone through, in the end time and moving on will show me what's in store, I gotta work on me.

 

Now I realize what everyone means by the 'triggers' that set someone's off.

 

Not going to write as I originally intended, just going to let it go. I've been reading so much about everyone's experience with these types of things and I realize the pain and end result could be much worse. Taking the positives out of this is much more useful than me trying to attach a negative spin on things that quite frankly aren't even there.

 

Thanks guys!

 

-FC

Edited November 15, 2010 by FightClub

[secretlady76]

SL76,

 

I appreciate the honesty and you are right, like I said, upon posting this thread I acted on emotion and I wasn't thinking everything through.

 

I'm not going to make the same mistake, I just let go of control at the last minute and there is nothing left, that's why we're in NC.

 

Now I realize what everyone means by the 'triggers' that set someone's off.

 

Not going to write as I originally intended, just going to let it go. I've been reading so much about everyone's experience with these types of things and I realize the pain and end result could be much worse. Taking the positives out of this is much more useful than me trying to attach a negative spin on things that quite frankly aren't even there.

 

Thanks guys!

 

-FC

 

I think that if the AP came out and said 'Look, please get it into your thick skull that I do not want anything more to do with you. Please just F*** Off.' then it would be easier to move on....thing is, they never do say anything that direct. It's all smoke and mirrors, namby pamby words that make no sense, but there's always something very smal that make you think you might still be in with a chance. Therefore you're doing the right thing and going NC, because you're making the decision yourself and taking control back. Good for you.

[MorningCoffee]

SL76,

 

I appreciate the honesty and you are right, like I said, upon posting this thread I acted on emotion and I wasn't thinking everything through.

 

I'm not going to make the same mistake, I just let go of control at the last minute and there is nothing left, that's why we're in NC.

 

Thank you.

 

-FC

 

Hey FC,

 

You're on the right track. Don't beat yourself up too much, I know exactly what you were doing and how it felt! Just learn and move on.

 

It took me the better part of a year (a length of time just about equal to the actual affair itself) and which involved NC, then a little LC, now NC) before I got to the point where I was ready -- and really wanting -- to block all methods of contact by which ex-AP/MW could reach me, including her phone numbers, email, and Facebook.

 

Even now, there's still a little mental space where I sometimes turn a few things over, and try to squeeze out 'what did this mean?' But this occupies almost no time at all compared to the way things were for me two or three months ago. And I know any answers don't mean anything, other than what I might have realized sooner, but now know to be the truth.

 

So just keep moving ahead.

[East7]

I don't want to play the "I told you so.." but I hope your remember my post on the other thread.

 

She was lost, emotionally instable, she wouldn't even be a "good" affair

Probably she lied when she said she was separated, it was just a lie to ease her conscience and look like a "better girl".

 

Facebook pics are often to say "Look how happy we are.." or "I miss my husband" - Block her and never be attempted. You know that she was abused and probably she is unable to leave her H. Abused persons have a lot of issues and need to heal their self-esteem before any kind of relationship, let alone an A.

 

Get over her! Don't spend your time wondering and being resentful. Her M can't be better, it was already a mess (according to your post) and she didn't used you, she just doesn't know what she wants!

If you think that she has something special or magic that others don't have, one day you will realize that it is not true.

Stay NC and move on.

[FightClub]

To everyone that has responded, thank you and I am in total agreement.

 

I don't know what's in store at the moment but I'm glad this is in some ways the closure I needed.

 

Life goes on.

 

 

Thank you, to everyone.

 

-FC