I'm going to fight for her one last time.

[bleeg]

I've gone no contact.

Long story short, my ex came back after 3 months of NC and found out something that jeopardized her trust in me.

However, I have been loyal and done nothing wrong.

It's been 2 weeks of NC so far.

Her birthday is in 3 weeks.

I am going to surprise her with flowers and I've been learning her native tongue and will ask her for a second chance in polish.

 

I am excited and anxious and I know if this doesn't work to move on.

It's bittersweet. Whether it's a yes or no, I will know for sure.

 

[DustySaltus]

Why would you fight for someone who quit on the relationship? I read your earlier posts, she said that she was no longer happy. She was the one who decided to end it. Unless she comes back to YOU and says she's willing to do whatever it takes to make things work, there's nothing to talk about. When she tells you she misses the "friendship" that didn't exist, it's because she doesn't want to feel guilty anymore. By getting back in contact with her you're giving up your biggest source of power....silence. Sure, if you give her flowers and go down memory lane, things might be ok for a while....but just remember, the keyword here is "FRIENDSHIP", not RELATIONSHIP. When a woman says that, she wants the emotional attention from you (and maybe physical) while she waits for what in her eyes is "The next best thing".

 

...but you can avoid all this by sticking to NC and conitinuing to heal on your own.

[bleeg]

The difference is I no longer want to beat around the bush or play games of NC.

I don't mind if she says no. I hope if she says no, she finds somebody who treats her better then I did.

[Art_Critic]

Didn't she already say NO when she broke up with you ?

So... You are not accepting of her NO and trying to get her to change her decision with flowers...

Good luck... your gonna need it...

[DustySaltus]

The difference is I no longer want to beat around the bush or play games of NC.

I don't mind if she says no. I hope if she says no, she finds somebody who treats her better then I did.

 

What about your self respect? Is that important to you?

[bleeg]

Self respect?

She didn't cheat on me.

She got fed up of the way I treated her. I would've done the same thing if I was in her shoes.

I'm human, I made a mistake.

Sorry man.

I just don't see why you all float around on these forums preaching NC with false hopes.

I rather wow her because I sincerely care about her and she deserves the best.

If she says no, oh well. My self respect won't be shot. I won't cry about it. I won't even post on these forums anymore. It's simple.

If anything, i'll post what happens for all to learn.

[Cee]

She got fed up of the way I treated her. I would've done the same thing if I was in her shoes.

I'm human, I made a mistake.

 

Put yourself in her shoes. You want to show up unannounced on her birthday with flowers and an I'm sorry in Polish.

 

She did a hard thing by breaking up with you in the first place. This woman is trying to move on with her life. Showing up on a day that is meant for her seems kind of selfish to me. She doesn't need to cry on her birthday.

 

If you want to have a reconciliation discussion, pick a day that is not on or near her birthday. Because second chances take time and dialogue, not a split decision on her part.

[ARISthess]

Do what you gotta do man. Your a hunter and thats what women want. Plus I think she'll like the polish. Just show self control and be respectful.

 

You've already opened the door once, you can do it again.

 

And like you said, if it doesn't turn out the way you hope, you'll at least know you tried and that is some sort of closure on its own.

[bleeg]

Thanks for the support brother.

 

I feel I did the NC once and it was good for the initial break-up but due to the weird situation i'm in now, I feel she needs re-assurance.

[DustySaltus]

Self respect?

She didn't cheat on me.

She got fed up of the way I treated her. I would've done the same thing if I was in her shoes.

I'm human, I made a mistake.

Sorry man.

I just don't see why you all float around on these forums preaching NC with false hopes.

I rather wow her because I sincerely care about her and she deserves the best.

If she says no, oh well. My self respect won't be shot. I won't cry about it. I won't even post on these forums anymore. It's simple.

If anything, i'll post what happens for all to learn.

 

I think you have it all wrong. I'm trying to tell you that it's not up to you anymore. I've done what you're about to do before because no one was there to help me. It did not turn out well. I think that most of us are here because we don't want to see people make the same mistakes that we did. The fact of the matter is that instead of her putting her foot down and saying, "I want to be with you but we need to work on X, Y and Z" she left.....Now you want to apologize which is all well and good but think of the consenquences of your actions. NC is not to get them back, it's for you to heal. I understand if you feel this is something you NEED to do. I hope it works out for you but understand that people can change A LOT in a few months. Also, unless the problems that led to the breakup in the first place are not fixed, a second chance is useless. And I don't just mean your problems, BOTH of you. I wish you nothing but the best. Let us know the outcome.

[bleeg]

Oh sorry.

Let me explain exactly what happend.

We broke up because she wasn't happy anymore. That's one thing.

I didn't contact her for 3 months. Within those 3 months, I contacted her friends to kinda help me figure out how I can win her back. 2 of the first friends I contacted advised me to speak to her and leave them out of it. I totally agree now that I look back.

 

Now, I used to go to my ex's sister in law to get my hair cut. I can't at this point so I contacted a mutual girlfriend. She's closer to my ex then me. She works at a salon. After getting my hair cut one time, we went for a coffee and I would vent out to this girl. Now this girl started talking behind my ex's back. I asked her if my ex knows we have been going for coffee's and she said yes. After 2-3 meet-ups and constantly talking trash, I started feeling suspicious that something is up. She would make comments about moving on so we can hook-up. I started feeling uncomfortable and I stopped contacting this "friend".

 

My girlfriend contacted me 3 weeks ago to meet up. Then a week later, she asked if we could try again because she loves me and she seems me in her future. GREAT, right? My ex told me she's going out with her "friend". The one who's been talking **** behind her back and trying to hook up with her ex. I THOUGHT the best move was to step in but apparently it was the biggest mistake.

 

I told her when I met up for coffee's with her friend; and she stopped me there. "Coffee? Friend? She didn't know about it. Not only that but when I proceeded to tell her the things her friend said, she advised me that her friend told her that I was asking her for sex and bugging her. She cut me and her friend off. She doesn't trust me because she thinks something happend. Why else would her friend lie to her? The last thing she said to me was she doesn't trust me.

 

I did nothing wrong. I could see how it looks bad. Who knows what her friend told her. I kinda hung up the phone at I don't trust you anymore and haven't spoken to her since.

[DustySaltus]

Your ex decided that she wanted to breakup with you. Everything that happened after that point was really none of her business because she was the one who wanted it that way. It's definetly a difficult situation but all you do is tell the truth and move forward. Sounds like the other girl is somewhat vindictive, steer clear of her.

 

You have nothing to apologize for. From what you're telling me you did nothing wrong. Stand by your word, bringing her flowers makes it look like you're feeling guilty about something when you shouldn't.

 

Let's pretend this whole situation didn't happen and get to basics. She tells you she's not happy and breaks up with you. Now she realizes that the grass is not greener without you....what makes her think that she'll be happy this time? What makes you believe that the same thing wouldn't happen down the line?

[bleeg]

The flowers are not to apologize.

The flowers are for her birthday and I refuse to apologize.

I am simply going to ask her for a second chance, no drama, no dishonesty, etc. Yes or no? 2 weeks ago, she went on and on about how much she wants this to work.

I'm gonna do NC for 1 month to let her cool off and think rationally.

If she says no. Great. It's a sign to move the f(*5 on.

[durkadurka]

full of fail

[DustySaltus]

I think the NC for a month is a good idea....NC means no flowers though.

[bleeg]

Sorry guys.

I'm leaving the country for a while in January, so like I said...I got nothing to lose.

[fabio10]

OP I think we are both on the same road but Im abit further down the road if you get me, my ex girl dumped in July said she needed to be single I took it great at first but was gutted inside as the weeks went by she accused me of not fighting to get her back and accused me of being with my ex girl whom is just my friend.

 

Now what I did next is similar to what you are planning but on a much greater scale, I got the first 2films we ever saw together, a 500 dollar voucher for spa treatments for her and her mother, a necklace which set me back 1000 dollars and wrote a letter laying my heart out on the line.

 

Now this girl was besotted with me she told me everyday when we were together and not blowing my own horn her friends told me she said I blew her mind, but you know what she is 23 and she wants to be single for awhile hell that is her choice it crushed me, but back on the subject HOW DO YOU THINK SHE REACTED TO MY GRAND GESTURE????? With anger can you believe that, she said the break up was my fault all she wanted was time but Id gone off with my ex etc etc basically saying she was in the right like most emotional women it did give me closure I've been NC for weeks and weeks she is trying to contact me non stop but Im working on myself and Im going to the other side of the world in January for a year.

 

I love her bro I really really do, but she needs to test the grass and if she really wants me she can try come get me Id love to think Id get back with her but it cant happen for maybe 2years in my mind cause we both need to develope and Im going to improve myself for me and do the things I want to do I may meet another girl and she may meet someone else but I know in my heart she will never forget me I treated her good and my grand gesture gave me closure Im telling you be prepared for the worst, I do admire you in a way but take heed of what happened in my story how my story will finish I dont know but I do know the best revenge is to live your life to the full Im her only ex that aint a lap dog chasing her and she is in complete shock Im going travelling even contacted my family to confirm Im leaving and what date Im going.

[Art_Critic]

I got nothing to lose.

 

You can't see it yet.. but in reality there is also nothing to gain...

 

Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you ?

Relationships are a 2-way street and can only work if they stay 2-way street...

[bleeg]

The same reason everybody wants to be with someone without knowing how they REALLY feel instead of listing to them when they're angry and emotional.

[shayan]

You got a dream you protect it, people are always going to tell you what you can't do. You want to do something, do it period (will smith)

 

there is no garuntee but we usually regret more the things we don't do. So good luck if you're decided to do it (which I'm sure you are). be positive about this and confident in your move. If you doubt this from the start what's the point? right...

[Jayerjay]

I, for the most part, agree with the majority on this one; however, I think if you feel you have to do something to know one way or the other then do it. Chances are pretty high you're headed for a bad ending to this, as grand gestures typically just don't work, but I agree with the previous poster that the regret of not doing anything and never knowing is worse than the regret of trying and failing.

 

I will just say that I'd recommend toning it down and just trying to open communication with her rather than the plan you currently have. She clearly doesn't trust you anymore or want to be with you right now, so showing up on her Birthday with all the theatrics could turn really bad. I mean, put yourself in her shoes and think of a person you really wouldn't want to see in your life right now, and then they show up unannounced at your doorstep trying to talk with you... I know you would like to tell yourself this is a completely different situation, but in reality it's not at all, not from her perspective.

 

Good luck though, sounds like you have a solid head and that you'll be okay if things don't pan out.

[SeriousBob12]

I was skeptical at first; heck I still kind of am. I only have ever seen that stuff work in movies. I will say that reading more of the OP's responses it does seem like he has thought this through. He knows this girl better than any of us, and he doesn't sound like he's full of delusion.

 

Either way, as you said at least you'll be able to get an answer and move forward. I really do hope it works out for you man!

 

 

You will have to let us know how it went!

[bleeg]

Thanks man. I definitely will. Less then 2 more weeks.

[bleeg]

So I have tried what I set out to do.

 

For those of you wondering...

 

It's my ex's birthday today. I waited outside her work tonight with her fav flowers and speaking fluently in her tongue explaining that I broke her trust and I would never do it again.

 

She told me that she has a ugly taste of distrust and it's overshadowing the warm and fuzzy feelings she has for me.

 

I proceeded to kiss her on the cheek and wished her a happy birthday and wished the best for her.

 

Time to move on. I'm excited.

[Fufu]

At least bleeg found his own closure....

 

you will find someone who trusts and loves you wholeheartedly.