What part of out of sight, out of mind I don't understand?!

[Margot]

Keep me off the computer.!!!!!

Well my ex-bf broke up with me last july, after 6 years together. I know, time has passed for me to heal and forget about him. For the couple of weeks after we broke-up I couldn't stop looking at his e-mails (his account) and entering to his FB page. I started doing this again (I did that like a year before our break up and found out some suspicious messages of him and one of his co-workers, he said there were jokes), this time I didn't find anything, well I just think he deleted everything.

 

Well then I started looking at his girl friend co-worker FB and Twitter and just started to link everything to him. I found out that she was writing stuff similar to the way he talks and thinks. And started to put quotes of movies that my boyfriend and I used to see a lot, she hated to read and now she posts that she is reading this and reading that. I think she's just being like a robot or just trying to be like me. And that just made me sad, anxious and I started to cry.

 

Then she kept putting some quotes of songs about sex and crush and all that s**t. This just made me sadder. Well I decided to stop doing that because I was not moving on.

 

And know that I decided to not snoop around my ex started e-mailing me almost every week. Just to say hi, and what he's being doing, and his new job, and articles about political and social stuff that we used to discussed. But I just ignored everything because our break up was bad, he treated me bad and almost like I didn't exist. He kept sending e-mails and texts, and that triggers me to know if he really wants to get together me and is not hanging out we that girl (the started to hang out more ofter for the last month of us together and then more when we broke up). Well I decided to look at her social networks stuff and there I see more stuff that is like he was talking or I was talking. This girl has no personality of her own. I found post of movies she watched (some of them were of what used to be our movie collections), and books that I gave to my bf as a gift. Oh God I was back to my insomnia, anxiety, heart break... I said to myself, you have to stop doing this period.

 

Well 2 months passed and I was feeling great, still thinking of him everyday, but focusing on my work, Ph.D. , etc. But he kept sending me e-mails of stuff he saw that I might like, links of music videos that I might like, news articles, places where he thought he was going to see me, telling me that he wanted to know anything from me, that he wanted to pass by to bring me some mail that are still arriving at his house (we used to live together fro 4 years), etc. I didn't answered to anything, because there's no I'm sorry for the way I treated you, how I blamed you for everything, or apologizing for his behavior. For him I just dropped from the face of the earth.

 

But his approached towards me, made realized that he's still hang up on me and there I started again to search if he is really sad and trying to get over me or if he's hanging out with this girl. Well I found out that she hangs out at his house every week and she post pictures of stuff at his house and here I'm back to day one . I know, I just can learned my lesson.

 

This has to stop...I need to heal and just ignore everything, if he really wants to be with he has to say it or come to my house with a boombox and a Peter Gabriel song hahahha. But I think is better if he just keep going on with his life and just leave me alone. But why he keeps doing this? If he's with her, why he keeps contacting me? Why I just can't learned to stop looking for bad signs in their pages? Well I just don't want to be taken as a fool. But maybe I am

[cerridwen]

First, yes, control the impulse to look at his FB, Twitter, etcetera. If you feel tempted, right before you do it, say to yourself "I'm getting ready to ruin my whole day and night." Hopefully, you'll choose to have a good day instead of a terrible one.

 

Second, it sounds like he misses you (at a minimum) intellectually. Maybe he's not able to connect with this girl on that level. Maybe she doesn't come close to being as mentally stimulating as you. Savor that! And keep your distance. Wallow in the knowledge that he is still obviously missing you in some capacity and that if he IS with this girl, he's still thinking of you. But move toward your own happy life. There's only one you--I think he's seeing that. If he's truly remorseful or if what you had was worth salvaging, he'll do the right thing and man up for his part of things.

 

In the meantime, stop torturing yourself.

[shayan]

I agree with what Cee said but on top of that, you got to stop thinking in terms of him. If you want to move on you have to shift the way you think, you can't sit and care about whether he still has feelings for you or not. As long as you are still worried about how he feels you will never find it possible to move on. Furthermore, if this man really wanted to be with you then he probably would not have left in the first place. And if he really wants to be with you now he will come back on his own without hesitation. So since you only have control over yourself let him coming back or not be his responsiblity. You should be more concerned about healing yourself and getting your life to a better emotional condition. In fact, it may be more healthy to start desiring a new partner one that you believe you can trust and love without hesitation yourself. Please during this time de-activate or delete your facebook and twitter it will make things so much easier.

 

good luck remember

 

it can't be about him no more as long as it is, you'll never move on.

 

oh and a more realistic version of the qoute out of sight out of mind is, out of mind out of sight (let him go from the inside slowly and eventually even his presence won't mean much).

[Margot]

"I'm getting ready to ruin my whole day and night." haha So true. I'm just gonna write that on my computer. But yes, I decided that nothing good can come out of me snooping around. I'm going to keep focusing on me, my work, my Ph.D., and my well being.

There's no doubt that he misses me, and I'm pretty sure that he knows that there's no one like me. But that's not my problem and only his. I just have to always remember that no matter how much I love him and miss him, he treated me bad, didn't appreciate me and broke my heart. I know that I deserved better than that. I just have to repeat to myself that it's his loss not mine.