1life8love1trust Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Hey guys its been a while since I have been here or posted. It has also been a little over a year and a month since she left me for another guy. I really don't like explaining the situation once again after a year, but I don't want to make myself look bad by saying she left me for another dude and not explain what happened. Also it sets it up for why I lost my best friend, or why I am losing my best friend. We had been together for 3 years. Everything was great in the beginning like all relationships. Then after a while the real personality comes out. We tried our best to work with it. I had put her on the pedestal. I always told her that I was so lucky to have her and I thank god for her. I was also a jealous guy. I wasn't the only jealous one she had some insecurities too. We had gotten into minor fights about money and well I guess it was pretty much about money. There was a few times that she had gotten into a cold fight with my mother, I say cold fight cause they really didn't fight it was more of a misunderstanding about some minor thing. They didn't even argue or anything I would just be the ones they told that they were hurt by something said or done. We also would fight about not seeing each other. One of us had over time or had to work on the weekends and the other would complain. Majority was money though. She loved eating out. By all means she is not chubby, she is slender and to me she was perfect. I actually saw a pic of her and she still looks great. I loved her, more than anything in my life. I had even gone as far as say I loved her more than myself and my mother. I know thats a little extreme but I did. I learned to love myself and my mother more though through this whole event though. Eventually we had gotten into one of our usual fights about nothing again and this time she says she wants to cool off. We usually did this, but it only lasted a couple hours, but then we would reconcile and make up. This time was different. We didn't talk for a couple days and I was starting to worry. I tried to get in contact with her but she refused to answer. Eventually I went to visit her at work. She seemed irritated that I did, but told me she loved me and that this cool off thing would be good for us. She started hanging out more and more with her co-workers/new friend, cause her job just expanded and I was left on my own. I had been so caught up with work and with her that I lost touch with most of my friends. Except for My best friend who at this time was out of the country. Eventually I found out about him, and well she met up with me at my house, small talk, broke up officially not real explanation except that we should be friends for now, and left. All in 10 mins. I guess its better than a text message or an email right. I cried my heart out. This was at one of my friends house cause we had plans to do something but upon arriving to his house I just couldn't hold it in anymore. Things were bad. I couldn't work, I couldn't sleep, I could do anything. Tried to get in contact with her but couldn't reach her. Eventually some time past about a couple weeks and I finally got in contact. I explained to her that I am cool with the decision, but it would be a waste to lose our friendship. She agrees and I say why not have some coffee sometime. She says she can't cause shes in a relationship already. We can pretty much fill in the blanks from here as most of the time the same things happen. I lose it and I completely give up on myself. I end up moving back in with the parent as I can't stand to live anymore. Fast forward to a year later. I am doing alot better. I am working on becoming a nurse and I am back on my own loving myself and making some money. Everything is cool, except I still think about her and quite honestly I still love her. Of Course I have not made any contact what so ever. I even went as far as moving away from my hometown just so I can avoid her. I also deleted anyone that we both knew from my life. Except for my best friend, who is finally back and two other close friends. The problem now, is that My best friend, who though he was out of the country, kept me sane and prevented me from doing anything stupid during this whole thing is now friends with her. My mother told me what happened between us happened between us. So any outside parties are free to do what they please. This happened cause my parents bumped into her and there was no hard feelings between them. Thats fine, but it was by some accident that they bumped into her. And sure put a friendly face up. There is a difference though, they are not friends with her. My buddy adds her on facebook and they continue their friendship behind my back. He tells me that I had asked him not to mention her had he by accident run into her so he had not said anything. He also said that I told him that it was alright for them to be friends. I don't remember agreeing to the last part. And if I did I only say but really don't mean it. I can't afford having him be cool with her, so I tell him I need him out of my life. Anything that can cause me any degree of contact with her is not part of the plan and by him being her friend I just couldn't be his. So I deleted him and everything associated with him. I talk to my other 2 friends and 1 disagrees with me the other says if it will help, then its fine. I told my buddy that I don't want to lose him as a friend and that maybe one day when I lose all my feelings for her, Love or Hate maybe we could be friends again, but I just can't right now. Any inputs????
thatsonlyme Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Maybe it's just me, but I think it's a bad idea to shut out of your life everybody who's "cool" with her. you're letting HER influence YOUR life! Also it's not fair to your friend to make him chose between two of you. I tried to avoid so many people right after our breakup, then I turn the page and went about my life like she never existed! Bars where we used to hang out? Why not, I know everybody there so why would I avoid such places? First I thought she'll think I'm going there just to see her, then I decided not to give a f**k about what she thinks! Don't let your life revolve around her bro, face your fears and do what you wanna do! I see my ex a lot, we talk, she was at my house today, it doesn't bother me anymore! It's not like we're the greatest friends, but I can be in the same room with her without any issues. It took some time and work, it was really hard in the beginning, but now I have my life back and I don't have to worry about bumping into her. I don't have to avoid people and places. Maybe this is not for everybody, but I had to go through this because all of my friends were mutual friends. We met when I just moved here and I never had any friends of my own. Instead of starting my life from a scratch I did better thing - I MOVED ON with my life! Yes, I still miss her sometimes, but that's fading away. I miss her the same way I miss my father who passed away 3 years ago - I love him but he's not there, there is nothing I can do about it and I learned to live with it. it works for me anyways.
SmileyGirl Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I too agree with the above poster. My ex and I were together for 5 years... and our break up was about as nasty as it could get (family, police, everyone was involved)... completely ugly!... none the less the break up was not easy and it's also been about 15 months and we have never spoken again and when we did break up he blocked me every way possible... over 5 years you have a lot of mutual friends.. he deleted and disassociated himself with all of our mutual friends. I know it hurts and I know it's not easy. TRUST ME. BUT, part of moving on is accepting that you had a life with her, you had memories and you had mutual friends. Maybe you could still be friends with your best friend and just have a mutual agreement with each other that you don't talk about her at all? Hope everything gets easier for you. Take care
Author 1life8love1trust Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Thanks for your advice guys. I have heard them oh so many times. Its too late to really go back to my old life. I mean I am somewhat enjoying my new life. Everything is alot better now. Except that I still think of her. Its really different for everyone. For me I rather not see or have anything to do with her. As for my friend, time will tell. I know myself too well not to ask about her. Thats why I started making new friends that don't know her so I can't ask about her. Or at the very least be reminded of her. I can't believe I am affected by this so much.
Chi townD Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I agree with thatsonlyme, you are STILL letting her run your life by giving up your friends. In my opinion, I would tell your friend, " Hey, if you want to be friends with her, that's on you. But, I don't want to hear about her and I don't want you telling her anything about me." If he's a true friend, he'll respect your wishes.
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