Titania22 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Hey Everyone, As some of you know, a few weeks ago, I met a guy at a club, who turned out to be only interested in an ONS, because I went home, and when I texted him he never replied. Then last week, I met another guy and had sex with him, and although I know it wasn't the be all end all best sex ever, I still thought it was pretty good. Anyway before I even met him, I asked him, if it was good would he be interested in doing it again, and he said yes, which confirms what some you guys have said. So I texted him this afternoon about maybe getting together later in the week, and no reply. Which leads me to believe the sex wasn't good. I have been reflecting on where I went wrong, and I think I tried too hard and was too much in control. So my question is, where is the midpoint, between lying there like a dead fish, and being too proactive? (I know I should know this after so many years, but maybe I have been on the bleaches too long.) Part of me is considering giving up and going back to celibacy, but I know deep down I will be happier knowing I didn't give up. It's one thing to know how to play the game and choosing to bench yourself, it's another sitting on the bench because you don't know how to play.
Author Titania22 Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Why does everyone keep asking my age? I don't want to share it, I'm in my 30's, that's as much details as I am giving. Anyway thanks for replying. Since I posted I heard back from the guy, he says he has exams this week, I said Good luck, and he said 'try me next week ' And then another guy called me and asked me on a first date for saturday. So I am no longer down.
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 That's OK I meant roughly how old are you... Are you sure that you can handle NSA sex? Many women think that they can but they actually can't. If you really, truly think that you can, there are tons of guys on OKC that you can hit up right now. You said that the guy you had sex with was not that great so don't worry if a longer term NSA sexual relationship doesn't pan out.
threebyfate Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Noticed that your opening post was about what your partners thought, instead of how much you enjoyed the experiences. If anything, it sounds almost like your body and needs are tools to get external validation. Do yourself a favour. If it's not doing it for you, stop.
Author Titania22 Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 That's OK I meant roughly how old are you... Are you sure that you can handle NSA sex? Many women think that they can but they actually can't. If you really, truly think that you can, there are tons of guys on OKC that you can hit up right now. You said that the guy you had sex with was not that great so don't worry if a longer term NSA sexual relationship doesn't pan out. I truly don't know if I can handle NSA sex or not? Time to find out. As for the sex with the guy, it wasn't bad, I think I just need to try different things with him, so I can rediscover what I like. Although I have had a lot of sex in my marriage (not by choice), I have had very little sex overall outside of that. Sex with my boyfriend was pretty rare (he wasn't that into me), and I haven't had that many sexual partners. So although I have no reason to believe guys don't enjoy what I bring, I can't say personally I know what makes me enjoy one sexual encounter over another. I want to learn how to make the sex good for me. I mentioned in another thread, the possibility that good sex relied 30% on the stuff with the guy (i.e. attraction, etc), and 70% was due to me (my state of mind, etc) (the percentages are just made up), I want to master the part due to me, and for that I need to try stuff. I would rather try with one partner.
Author Titania22 Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Noticed that your opening post was about what your partners thought, instead of how much you enjoyed the experiences. If anything, it sounds almost like your body and needs are tools to get external validation. Do yourself a favour. If it's not doing it for you, stop. I know, I agree that the opening post reaked of insecurity, and at the time I was writing I was indulging that part of me. Fortunately I don't let that part of me drive my life. The rest of me is cool, happy and full of confidence. It is a big shame that men are the one thing that can still trigger that insecurity. Hence staying away from men, would avoid it completely. But I would rather master myself, and since this is the weakest link yet, I choose to face it. And if I have moments where the insecurity is driving me, I have found ls, to be a practically instantaneous cure. I get to let my insecure self speak, and then I get to see how ridiculous it sounds. Thanks for your observation and concern.
utterer of lies Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I know, I agree that the opening post reaked of insecurity, and at the time I was writing I was indulging that part of me. Fortunately I don't let that part of me drive my life. The rest of me is cool, happy and full of confidence. It is a big shame that men are the one thing that can still trigger that insecurity. Hence staying away from men, would avoid it completely. But I would rather master myself, and since this is the weakest link yet, I choose to face it. And if I have moments where the insecurity is driving me, I have found ls, to be a practically instantaneous cure. I get to let my insecure self speak, and then I get to see how ridiculous it sounds. Sounds like you're doing well, and you're on a good path. Better late than never to discover and rediscover what you're into. You go, girl!
Author Titania22 Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Sounds like you're doing well, and you're on a good path. Better late than never to discover and rediscover what you're into. You go, girl! Thankyou:bunny:
SadandConfusedWA Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Here is a question: are you secretly hoping that men you are having NSA sex with will eventually fall in love with you and want a relationship? Do you want a relationship at this point in your life? I think that you sound a bit conflicted. On one hand, you do seem to want to explore your sexuality which would be the right reason to enter a NSA arrangement (because you are doing it for yourself). On the other hand, you are really affected if a guy doesn't respond to your message. You need to develop "I will fvcuk but I don't give a fvcuk" attitude if you want this to work.
Author Titania22 Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Here is a question: are you secretly hoping that men you are having NSA sex with will eventually fall in love with you and want a relationship? Do you want a relationship at this point in your life? I think that you sound a bit conflicted. On one hand, you do seem to want to explore your sexuality which would be the right reason to enter a NSA arrangement (because you are doing it for yourself). On the other hand, you are really affected if a guy doesn't respond to your message. You need to develop "I will fvcuk but I don't give a fvcuk" attitude if you want this to work. I don't want a relationship, any longer then the 3months of summer, and possibly not that long. I wouldn't call the emotion I had before really affected. I just don't deny them when they come up. I acknowledge all emotions, question why they have arisen, take any action i feel like (in this case writing an ls post) and let them pass. This is also why I am such a powerful manifestor. I didn't just hear from that guy, I also got a call from another, and all within minutes of submitting my post. I flat refused to get the attitude you suggested above, because if I have to be cold to have sex, then there is no point in having it. I want a deeper understanding of my body, and to do that I need to become less repressed, not more. Pain and heartache is no enemy of mine. They are a natural part of all human interaction. People need to stop fearing them, and start to accept them. What you are confused about is that my original post was written from my ego space, and the rest of my responses are written from my true self, my true self is driving force behind the choices and actually make and the way I live. The ego is that little scared voice, that is insecure. I don't pretend it doesn't exist, but I don't let it make the final decisions.
Mellisa Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I don't want a relationship, any longer then the 3months of summer, and possibly not that long. I wouldn't call the emotion I had before really affected. I just don't deny them when they come up. I acknowledge all emotions, question why they have arisen, take any action i feel like (in this case writing an ls post) and let them pass. This is also why I am such a powerful manifestor. I didn't just hear from that guy, I also got a call from another, and all within minutes of submitting my post. I flat refused to get the attitude you suggested above, because if I have to be cold to have sex, then there is no point in having it. I want a deeper understanding of my body, and to do that I need to become less repressed, not more. Pain and heartache is no enemy of mine. They are a natural part of all human interaction. People need to stop fearing them, and start to accept them. What you are confused about is that my original post was written from my ego space, and the rest of my responses are written from my true self, my true self is driving force behind the choices and actually make and the way I live. The ego is that little scared voice, that is insecure. I don't pretend it doesn't exist, but I don't let it make the final decisions. We all have an ego and that ego tend to need external validation from time to time.That's maybe why we let things or people get us down sometimes.It's good that you are able to separate "ego" and "your true self";We should try to keep our ego in check and be well in touch with our true self.Once you figure out what your true self are and as long as they are good,you'll be on the right track.
xpaperxcutx Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I think your frame of mind is good. The only thing you need to lessen your worries about is expectation. At least in terms of whether they will continue to see you. IF a guy doesn't respond, you move on to the next guy, especially if you happened to have met them in clubs. I'd avoid the college students- they have other priorities. Go for the ones out of college and very independent.
Author Titania22 Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 We all have an ego and that ego tend to need external validation from time to time.That's maybe why we let things or people get us down sometimes.It's good that you are able to separate "ego" and "your true self";We should try to keep our ego in check and be well in touch with our true self.Once you figure out what your true self are and as long as they are good,you'll be on the right track. Absolutely, I like to think of ego/mind as a tool, it has a role and it is good at it, but just like you wouldn't put a great janitor in charge or the whole corporation, it's crazy if I let my ego/mind sit in the drivers seat of my life. It's good also to do things occasionally that disempower the ego, like once I went to a public park by myself, and blindfolded myself and went for a walk in the rain. I think your frame of mind is good. The only thing you need to lessen your worries about is expectation. At least in terms of whether they will continue to see you. IF a guy doesn't respond, you move on to the next guy, especially if you happened to have met them in clubs. I'd avoid the college students- they have other priorities. Go for the ones out of college and very independent. Thanks Papercut, you always have good advice. Yeah expectation is a big one, I am so used to things happening how I want, that it builds up expectation that everything will go how I want. It's good for me, if sometimes that doesn't happen, it reminds me to be humble.
MissKnowitall Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 NSA means you really don't care what the other person thinks, you are in it for your own gratification. A ONS is that, a one night stand. I did the ONS / NSA thing and finally I realized I hated it, how I felt afterwards when what I really wanted was a connection. A ONS rarely gives you a connection no matter how great the sex. Why not find a guy who is like a bed buddy or something? Someone you can experiment with if it is just about sex? That ONS thing is actually risky for lots of reasons. And as cliche as it sounds, the best sex I have is when I am with someone who is into me for more than just sex. Besides, sex is so subjective. What turns one man on may not turn another on and vice versa. Even if a guy has great sex in a casual way, still doesn't mean he will call her. And a guy will think twice a bout a girl who he can take home from a club for a ONS. In other words, she usually isn't repeat material. Not trying to sound harsh but I've been down that road. You think it will help you be more sexually confident with NSA sex but it actually has the opposite effect. For me it did anyway.
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