am i ready to move on?

[fleur_de_me]

My ex broke up with me in July- it was a shock. I thought he was "the one"- there were no indications that this was coming (at least none that I could see).

 

It has been a pretty rough few months- I cried pretty much everyday for 2-3 months. I went to visit him at the beginning of October- it was disastrous (he told me-repeatedly-how happy he was being single, although he still tried to get in my pants 15 times.)

 

I came back from that visit feeling like I had seen what I needed to see and that I was "over him." I've been NC since then without any real urge to contact him. I've accepted that things are really over and that we're not going to get back together. For the first time since the break-up, I could actually see him for all of his flaws and knew that even though I loved him- he wasn't right for me. I deserved more. He always treated me well, but had some severe emotional hang-ups and didn't know what he wanted out of life.

 

Fast-forward- I met a cool guy last week. We've been on a few dates, he's attractive, intelligent, has a good job and is nice. We have fun together- but I'm scared!!

 

He really likes me- I like him too, but I can't help comparing him to my ex a little. The new guy is WAY more mature- much more emotionally available, and seems to know what he wants (ie. long-term potential), but he is missing some of the swagger and macho qualities I liked in my ex. I don't want this to be a rebound, but I am afraid I'm going to mess things up. I already hear myself saying things like "maybe he's too nice or he likes me too much."

 

WTF is my problem! Should I see where this goes? This guy is everything that I should want- or do these "second guesses" mean I'm not ready?!

[Ajax]

I don't know. Some girls have said I'm too nice. The fact is I'm nice to girls I like. Probably your new guy is too. If that bothers you or turns you off then maybe you should leave him free for someone who appreciates it. Just remember the saying, "behind every bad boy is a nice guy who got his heart broken."

[fleur_de_me]

I've never really dated a bad guy- my ex was just the perfect mix of treating me like a total princess without being a doormat? He was always good to me- VERY good to me- but he also had that manly quality where he just had things taken care of, I didn't need to worry about anything. I liked that he knew how to be "a man"- make decisions, take care of me, etc. Hard to describe.

 

I don't think I know new guy well enough yet- I just don't want to screw things up or do anything to mess him up.

 

I hope I'm ready now- I guess I still think about the ex- but I'm not obsessed. I just can't help comparing other guys to him. He had his flaws, certainly, but I almost feel like he's going to be a hard act to follow. But I have to try at some point, right?

 

This new guys seems great- he has everything going for him right now. I should give it a shot, right?

[durkadurka]

I think you have to date a few people before you actually are ready to enter a relationship again.

 

That being said, what do I know?

[AlisaMarie]

I think you have to date a few people before you actually are ready to enter a relationship again.

 

I totally agree! The first couple dates are rebounds, so don't take them serioulsy. Date this guy, but date others too. When you find the right guy to be in a serious relationship with- you fill feel that "wow" factor. Who knows, it may be the guy you're seeing, but just not right now. Don't rush it! Lots of love.

[fleur_de_me]

Thanks, guys! I think you're right- I actually dated a few other guys before this, but knew there was nothing serious, and after a few times of going out with them just called it quits because I clearly wasn't over the ex.

 

This feels a little different- I think I'm ready now- not 100% moved on, but that could take a long time, and I don't want to keep my life on hold forever. This new guy is nice, and I think we're taking it slow, and what I like about him is that he seems to appreciate the qualities I really value in myself (besides just how I look).

 

I loved the ex- but I feel like he never appreciated my intelligence or the things I've accomplished. It feels nice for someone to kind of get those things.

 

Hopefully by taking it slow, I can find those special feelings again for someone new. After the break-up, I honestly felt like I could never fall in love again. My heart is wounded, but healing. It might always carry the scar, but I don't think that I should stop trying to love again.

[Tincup]

Just another thing to think about. Try (I know it is hard to do) not to compare him to your ex. He is not your ex, he is his own person, different from your ex and thank god about that.