reknown29 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 So I responded to a message from my ex breaking NC for a week. We met up late in the evening and she spent the night at my place. This has been going on for a while and I had wanted it to stop. It really has to do with her satisfying her ego, etc. So the next morning we talk and I learn things about her that I had no idea of. I learned of deep seeded issues of hers that have had an extreme effect on our relationship and my outlook of her. The whole time I was thinking she was being cruel and was not in to me was a result of past abuse in her life. It was still hard for me to see her since I still do really love her and there is no way we are getting back because she really needs time on her own away from a serious relationship. My heart hurts again, I feel like a made a step back in the recovery for myself but I learned something that makes sense of what happened to me and why this person kept contacting me after dumping me. I imagine she was feeling alone inside and very sad as I am starting to see how much this person loved me and seems to still even if she doesnt want to be in a realtionship with me at this point. I believe that the initial NC I started caused her to open up to me. That and A LOT of talking about the breakup and crying together over it when meeting every couple weeks for the past two months. I always felt there was something underneath it all and I was very persistent in finding out. When I wasnt getting anything I had to go NC to get myself together, when I did I met up with her again last night. While I still think NC is great and highly effective, I think we may have to look deeper at what the other person is doing during this and how often they are trying to contact you. How persistent are they. They may need to tell you something that you need to hear thats very difficult to get out. I still think her motives are kinda selfish and she contacts me so she can feel better about what she did etc. but if I had gone on ignoring her I would have not found out something I absolutely needed to know. I am going to play things out and see how much of her leaving me has to do with the skeletons in her closet and how much has to do with her just not having the deep feelings for me that she used to. She is dating other people but always has contacted me. Im learning that we were getting too close for her and she was starting to have to deal with surfacing issues from the past. Her being around other men helps her distance herself more from me and not have to deal with the awful things that happened to her as a child. Well see what happens. Its tough on me again but I still love this girl and Im learning about her. I want to help her.
dreamingoftigers Posted January 4, 2011 Posted January 4, 2011 I think that you are doing reasonably.
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