Is every new relationship this up and down?

[colliejoanie]

It's been so long since I've dated, I don't remember.

 

I've been seeing a guy for two months now.....we've been off and on. I've continued to date others because I didn't know his intentions. I've not liked any of these guys, and maybe that makes me like the original guy more?.?.?

 

We spent the most awesome weekend together (after me stressing that he didn't see me Friday night - his birthday). We talked, mainly. Which was so great. We normally text. And he came to see me twice. We talked about future plans. He went to a pro football game with his friend this afternoon and called me (NOT TEXTED) afterward and we talked again.

 

I sent him two funny texts tonight, inside jokes, etc. I really felt so happy and comfortable with where we were that I thought he wouldn't be put off by the distraction (he had work to do tonight) of my texts. His responses were so out of character....."sorry". to the one where I joked about me literally losing a toe nail tonight, and "sleepy" to the one when I asked how work was going. I felt like something was wrong and said "you ok?"

 

Haven't heard a friggin word since. I am so tired of this roller coaster. i'm so tired of feeling like I"m constantly doing something wrong. I like this guy! G..D.... it! We have plans Saturday, and he's taking me and my daughter to the airport on Sunday and picking us up after Thanksgiving......

 

I just don't understand all the hot and cold. Just when I feel comfortable he pulls the rug out........so sad . And BTW, on Fridaey, he sent me @ least 15 drunk texts on his 37th bday about how much he missed me, where was I, etc. I'm not judging him about that......I feel like he's judging me on sending those texts tonight !?!?!

 

Just wondering if anyone out there can see clearly for me.......I'm sad and mad right now.

Edited November 15, 2010 by colliejoanie

[DontWorryBHappy]

I would be very concerned if I were you.. especially since this relationship is so new. Being that it's so fresh, he should be making even more of an obvious effort that he is into you (if he was). But his actions speak otherwise and your gut feeling in this case is probably correct. Drunk texts on his birthday and one word responses to your messages? Those are big red flags to me. I would be totally turned off by his drunk messages and would wonder why he wouldnt want to see me on his birthday. A guy who was truly into his girl would want to see her on that day more than anyone else. Also, I've learned from experience that it's a bad sign when you end up being relieved or weirdly comforted by the fact that a boyfriend decided to call, "because you normally text." My last relationship that ended was like that. He would finally call then it was all like, "Oh look, he called instead of texted. See, he's an awesome boyfriend." Then he broke up with me (thank the lord) and I met my now boyfriend, who makes me feel as though he would literally do anything for me (and who has told me that himself!). You deserve better.

Edited November 15, 2010 by DontWorryBHappy

[colliejoanie]

I guess i need to say that we talk via text multiple times per day. Just to tell each other what's going on during our days. And the last week he's called me every night. We went to an impromptu dinner Thursday, then saw him twice on Saturday.

 

I just really felt like we'd made another step........and now I'm right back to my insecure self.

 

Dang it! Could it be he was just so tired he didn't get my cute sexual inuendos, or our inside jokes. He chose not to respond to those, and only said the ABSOLUTE bare minimums.

 

Again, SO SAD!!!!!

[colliejoanie]

I would be very concerned if I were you.. especially since this relationship is so new. Being that it's so fresh, he should be making even more of an obvious effort that he is into you (if he was). But his actions speak otherwise and your gut feeling in this case is probably correct. Drunk texts on his birthday and one word responses to your messages? Those are big red flags to me. I would be totally turned off by his drunk messages and would wonder why he wouldnt want to see me on his birthday. A guy who was truly into his girl would want to see her on that day more than anyone else. Also, I've learned from experience that it's a bad sign when you end up being relieved or weirdly comforted by the fact that a boyfriend decided to call, "because you normally text." My last relationship that ended was like that. He would finally call then it was all like, "Oh look, he called instead of texted. See, he's an awesome boyfriend." Then he broke up with me (thank the lord) and I met my now boyfriend, who makes me feel as though he would literally do anything for me (and who has told me that himself!). You deserve better.

 

I'm so afraid that you're right. Dang it! I do really like this guy......I'll be find finding someone else eventually, but dang it!!!! I feel so good when we're together......I guess everyone feels that way with everyone, right???? Or they wouldn't be together. Dating is SO HARD!!!! Thanks for the response!!!

[tigressA]

This early in the relationship, things shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be so hot and cold. You've had numerous posts before about this guy, and from what I can remember there was a significant amount of time during which there was no contact between you. Way too much drama and back-and-forth already.

 

I do think you have been a little more insecure than you should be, perhaps reading too much into things, but the bottom line here and in your other posts indicates to me that you're really just not happy with this guy, that he isn't giving you what you really need/want out of a relationship. I would definitely give this some thought.

[colliejoanie]

This early in the relationship, things shouldn't be this way. It shouldn't be so hot and cold. You've had numerous posts before about this guy, and from what I can remember there was a significant amount of time during which there was no contact between you. Way too much drama and back-and-forth already.

 

I do think you have been a little more insecure than you should be, perhaps reading too much into things, but the bottom line here and in your other posts indicates to me that you're really just not happy with this guy, that he isn't giving you what you really need/want out of a relationship. I would definitely give this some thought.

 

ahhh, yes, I totally agree. Dang it! i guess I'm just learning lessons that will help me later. And I'm ready to learn. I hate that every time he and I go out, I get more and more attracted to him (not that I need to be MORE attracted), I hate saying adios, because i WANT us to work.....but I guess a "healthy" person would RUN!!! Still sad

[tigressA]

ahhh, yes, I totally agree. Dang it! i guess I'm just learning lessons that will help me later. And I'm ready to learn. I hate that every time he and I go out, I get more and more attracted to him (not that I need to be MORE attracted), I hate saying adios, because i WANT us to work.....but I guess a "healthy" person would RUN!!! Still sad

 

I recently ended an unhealthy relationship myself. It was somewhat similar to your current dynamic, with things just being so up and down all the time. I really liked/cared about him so I was conflicted about cutting and running, but ultimately I did what was best for myself, and a huge weight was lifted off me. I wish you luck.

[whichwayisup]

Don't rely too much on moods based on texts. What counts is how he is when he's with you.

 

Don't ask him too often, is everything okay? MOST men I know are quite simple, meaning, if something is bugging them, they'll let you know..Otherwise just go with the flow and have fun.

[utterer of lies]

I think you are overanalyzing and overreacting.

[zengirl]

I think how a person feels early in a relationship is a great indicator of how well the relationship is working, if the person is generally healthy. Only you know if you're generally healthy; if I were uneasy that early in a relationship, I'd know it wasn't for me, because I don't generally feel that way. Apparently some people do all the time, though, so hard to say.

 

I've been seeing a guy for two months now.....we've been off and on. I've continued to date others because I didn't know his intentions. I've not liked any of these guys, and maybe that makes me like the original guy more?.?.

 

Me, personally, I figure if I don't want to be exclusive/I don't feel the guy is exclusive (both of these need to happen) within 2-3 weeks, it's done. The fact that you've been on and off already says: Yes, this is rocky. Some people have rocky things that work out or, more likely, last (and stay rocky) for awhile, but I don't understand why anyone would be interested in constant insecurity and uncertainty. Not my cuppa. All depends on the person, I guess.

 

We spent the most awesome weekend together (after me stressing that he didn't see me Friday night - his birthday). We talked, mainly. Which was so great. We normally text. And he came to see me twice. We talked about future plans. He went to a pro football game with his friend this afternoon and called me (NOT TEXTED) afterward and we talked again.

 

I really don't think the calling versus texting thing is such a big, grand gesture; it's kind of sad that people treat it that way. Glad you had a good weekend, though.

 

I sent him two funny texts tonight, inside jokes, etc. I really felt so happy and comfortable with where we were that I thought he wouldn't be put off by the distraction (he had work to do tonight) of my texts. His responses were so out of character....."sorry". to the one where I joked about me literally losing a toe nail tonight, and "sleepy" to the one when I asked how work was going. I felt like something was wrong and said "you ok?"

 

Haven't heard a friggin word since. I am so tired of this roller coaster. i'm so tired of feeling like I"m constantly doing something wrong. I like this guy! G..D.... it! We have plans Saturday, and he's taking me and my daughter to the airport on Sunday and picking us up after Thanksgiving......

 

I'd say stop reaching out, as it's only making you feel bad. That doesn't mean don't see him if you like him, but stop trying so hard, and not as a game to make him do something but because reaching out makes you feel badly when you don't get the reaction you'd like.

[colliejoanie]

All very valid points.

 

I think I am over reacting. I think I am insecure about this relationship. I definitely will not be contacting him! I'm going to try to force myself to call vs text (I'm more to blame on this one) so I don't misinterpret his responses.

 

Also, I think he is just a really emotional guy! And he's going through stuff that he's not handling very well. He has a funeral today of a former student and I think he's really having a tough time with it.

 

I know my insecurities are making me a crazy person (thank god for LS because you guys are getting most of my craziness, not him). So I just need to figure out if I want to wait to see if he's going to come out of this emotional funk, like he says he will, or run for the hills because we'll always be up and down due to his emotional issues and my insecurities.

 

Thanks again LS peeps! Ill keep posting my woes and if you care to throw in your two cents that's great!!!!

[BrianK]

You're asking too much, too early. Back off a bit and take it slow...I think he likes you but gets turned off when you turn up the pressure of a future. Just chill out and stop stressing....stop initiating dates, let him make the next few.