Louisegee Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Sorry if this is in the wrong thread but I'm new to this site and could really need some advice. I'm thinking of ending things with my long term boyfriend of 4 and a half years because well... Recently the sex has been non existent and although the sex was never great we always had fun in other ways. At first I put it down to him being tired, stressed out etc but after like the 10th time of excuses I had to find out. Unfortunately I was pretty drunk at the time and so was he and I asked straight out "what's going on with us at the minute? We don't seem to even touch anymore" after avoiding the question he finally mentions the fact he's not attracted to me anymore. I felt crushed, I've recently put on weight, but I've joined a gym and a fat loss club to try and change this but I had no idea it had affected him so badly. He then said he still loved me, wanted to get Married, have kids. But I just thought; why? Why would you wanna get married to someone who you didn't feel attracted to? Were only 23 and we should be about the physical side of love, not this physical love loss? In the morning I tried to end things and that's when he cried and started denying feeling this way and it was just a comment mentioned when drunk. Part of me wants to believe him, but the other half just makes me think he's scared of losing me. I guess I'm unsure of what to do? X
IfiKnewThen Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 may seem like a lame answer.. but maybe 1) reconnect through counseling (especially if you plan to get married). suggest that to him 2) or both read men are from mars women are from venus 3) or both read mars and venus in the bedroom 4) both get dressed and fixed up for the other...take a short weekend away together...talk hold hands. find something to laugh about. see a comedy show or good funny money together. aka make whats called "love bonds". that keeps you connected romantically again 5) ask him lovingly not accusingly if he has been interested in anyone else? maybe he feels like he cant talk to you if something is said and then theres a threat to leave him. even though you make sense (you dont want to be with a guy who cant make love to you)...dont punish him for the reasons. get behind them and try to work together. too many people give up today with relationships. love is work. but you have to work together for it to blossom again if thats possible and get back to better than ok. you have to make it good and solid and lovingly worthwhile. thats all ive got.
IfiKnewThen Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 i meant to say see a good funny movie...but do thoese things daily that you make happy times together. love bonds. geez funny money:laugh:
Author Louisegee Posted November 17, 2010 Author Posted November 17, 2010 Thanks for the advice. I decided to ask him for a bit of space so we can evaluate how we feel. Even if it was a throw away comment and he didn't mean it, I think we should think about the issue that we probably have about sex. He's being respectful by giving me the space and I hope he feels that space is a good thing too. I don't want to throw away all our years together, it would be a waste not to talk about it. It's just I'm not ready to talk yet, but I will be when I've cleared my head. Thanks again, any other advice would be great!
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