BlackLovely Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Hello Moms and Dads of LS. I have recently started a new job. I like the people there, however, I have heard two of my co workers say very disturbing things. Since I am a newlywed, the question of children comes up all the time. I have learned to keep my childfreedom to myself, because people get very aggressive when I share that. I'm tired of heated persuasions from mothers, about something that is not their choice. Both of my male co workers have told me that I am "so lucky I don't have kids" because they "ruin everything" Yikes. Is it common for fathers to resent their children? I think most mothers don't enjoy parenting, however my opinion is skewed by surviving an abusive mother, as well as seeing the way mothers end up doing all the work. I felt so sad for my colleagues and their children. I don't think people should become parents, if they openly resent the sacrifices. I am also asking if resentment is common from fathers, because when I was open about not wanting to be a mother, only men told me I was "smart to keep my freedom".
threebyfate Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I don't think people should become parents, if they openly resent the sacrifices.I couldn't agree with you more. For that matter, my perception is that they're not sacrifices since it was the parent(s) that wanted the children in the first place. It would be like a single person bitching about having to sacrifice time for personal hygiene.
OpenBook Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I also hear men b*tching at work every now and then about their kids, wives, dogs, etc. I don't put too much stock in it. They're just belly-aching, letting off a little steam. I've met some of their kids and wives - they always look pretty happy to me. A lot can be hidden, I know. But life is messy and imperfect. And sometimes men like to complain about it. I've found no correlation between their complaints and how good a father/husband they are.
Krytie TV Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Both of my male co workers have told me that I am "so lucky I don't have kids" because they "ruin everything" Yikes. Is it common for fathers to resent their children? I am also asking if resentment is common from fathers, because when I was open about not wanting to be a mother, only men told me I was "smart to keep my freedom". Surely you know the answer to this one. Anyone who resents their children is not a "man", or at least should not have signed on for having children. This is a little boy point of view and they did it to themselves. I fell sorry for the children and mother in these situations for not realizing who she is reproducing with. I don't know if its common, but having been a father of twins for about 4 months now, I can't imagine having even an ounce of resentment for anyone in the home.
KikiW Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I hear you BL - I always only wanted to have one child, so I did, and I was perfectly happy that way, but for some reason people thought it was their business to try and push me to have more. As though the planet is going to run out of people and it's my effin job to repopulate or something. I have a friend who also decided that motherhood was not for her, and she tells me how incredibly rude some people an be about it, like she's not really a woman unless she breeds. Crazy outrageous. I fully support people who don't want to have children - GOOD FOR YOU To the point of your post, I think there are a lot of people who had children too early in life or with the wrong people. They resent their children because they are the symbol of losing part of their future that will never be (i.e. "I could have been a rock star if it weren't for this dumb 9-5 job I have to work to support you"). It's too bad more people don't take the time to think parenthood through before taking the plunge (or stumbling into it).
karaann07 Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 Wow, um, if you are saying these are genuine comments, NO, that is not normal. I agree with the pp who said it's most likely just "big talk" and blowing off steam. I can also see it being a man's way of "supporting" you. "Yeah, kids are awful! Stay childless! Hardy har har!" It's just kind of their backwards way of maybe trying to say they understand where you are coming from. However, I say things like that about my own kids, too! I don't say it to strangers, or new acquaintences or anything like that, but I make jokes about how I'm tired because "my brats kept me up all night!" or I can't meet for dinner because "I have mommy duty tonight- kids ruin all my fun!" I definitely don't mean anything by it... it's nothing more than a goofy joke!
Citizen Erased Posted November 18, 2010 Posted November 18, 2010 It's always made me sad, that I could end up with a husband of the "don't get married or have kids" kind. Australian men are like that a lot, you're almost strange if you love your family in this culture. My parents have both at one stage said to me if they could do it again they wouldn't have children. It almost seems inevitable to me. Or at least it did until now I'm with someone that will make a wonderful father and who I know actually wants children.
Jamone Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 I am a father and my little girl is the most important thing in the world to me. Nothing or noone will ever come before her. If you don't want children, don't have any. You'll be doing yourself and that child a huge favour. Admittedly most children aren't planned for and i think that's where all the bitterness stems from. Enjoy your life, career, relationships. If later on you decide to have one, it'll be your choice. Half these ppl who are talking out of their arses are only jealous of your freedom. Don't take what they say to heart. Good luck.
SouthernSunshine Posted November 28, 2010 Posted November 28, 2010 Hello Moms and Dads of LS. I have recently started a new job. I like the people there, however, I have heard two of my co workers say very disturbing things. Since I am a newlywed, the question of children comes up all the time. I have learned to keep my childfreedom to myself, because people get very aggressive when I share that. I'm tired of heated persuasions from mothers, about something that is not their choice. Both of my male co workers have told me that I am "so lucky I don't have kids" because they "ruin everything" Yikes. Is it common for fathers to resent their children? I think most mothers don't enjoy parenting, however my opinion is skewed by surviving an abusive mother, as well as seeing the way mothers end up doing all the work. I felt so sad for my colleagues and their children. I don't think people should become parents, if they openly resent the sacrifices. I am also asking if resentment is common from fathers, because when I was open about not wanting to be a mother, only men told me I was "smart to keep my freedom". My mom always told me, "be smart, don't have kids".. my mom is just that way tho. My SO is a very good father to our daughter. He gets onto me sometimes for being too firm with her. When it comes down to it, people are people! Everyone is different. Your male coworkers are probably horndogs who resent kids because they blame them for not being able to get laid as much as they'd like because when you have kids, they are priority number one. Poor guys take a backseat to kiddos.
fooled once Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I think most mothers don't enjoy parenting, however my opinion is skewed by surviving an abusive mother, as well as seeing the way mothers end up doing all the work. Ever since I was a little girl, all I ever wanted was to be a MOM I became a mom at 24. It has been my biggest joy in my life. Don't get me wrong, I am married (2 times - 2nd time being the BEST marriage ever), but my son is all I have ever wanted in this world. I love him dearly and for ME, if I didn't have him, my life would not be complete. I don't need a man - I don't need a man to complete me. I HAD to be a mom - being a MOM completes me. I think your views on moms is skewed. All my mom friends love being a mom. Yes it is hard, yes it can be thankless. But I didn't become a mom to have my child thank me for doing things for him. I also really respect MY mom and love her so much - she is my best girlfriend. Her and I were not close when I was growing up ... I was a naughty child. Once I had my son, we really became close and she helped me a lot with him and taught me a lot about parenting. To me, being a parent is the BEST job in the world and I am so incredibly thankful that I got the chance to be one. Dads are different. My son's dad is absent at best. My H isn't as close to his kids as I am to my son. I would even venture to say I am closer to his daughter than he is. Men are just different than women in my view in how they relate to kids. Men want to raise them to be good people and then watch them go. Me, I had a traumatic experience when my son moved out at 18. I wasn't ready for him to go. He is now 21, owns his own home, his own car and supports himself. He rarely asks for anything and never asks for money. He is a great kid and I am truly blessed. I could go on and on...as you can see....about my experience of being a mom. I hope my thoughts have helped you.
fooled once Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 I hear you BL - I always only wanted to have one child, so I did, and I was perfectly happy that way, but for some reason people thought it was their business to try and push me to have more. To the point of your post, I think there are a lot of people who had children too early in life or with the wrong people. They resent their children because they are the symbol of losing part of their future that will never be (i.e. "I could have been a rock star if it weren't for this dumb 9-5 job I have to work to support you"). It's too bad more people don't take the time to think parenthood through before taking the plunge (or stumbling into it). I agree with what you said about having one child. When I found out I was having a son, my world was complete. I didn't want a daughter. My son was perfect - and perfect for me. I hated when people tried to tell me I needed to have another
goingstrong Posted November 29, 2010 Posted November 29, 2010 Is it common for fathers to resent their children? I am also asking if resentment is common from fathers, because when I was open about not wanting to be a mother, only men told me I was "smart to keep my freedom". Most men who complain resent the lifestyle change ...not their children.
jimrich Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 re: Both of my male co workers have told me that I am "so lucky I don't have kids" because they "ruin everything" ... It just depends on how we are raised and what we are taught/learn from our own parents about kids, responsibility, parenting, values, etc. I was not raised in a happy family and have never wanted kids of my own to RUIN like I was. My older bro and youngers sis had kids and seem to be happy with it. It's all in our upbringing & maybe some genetics.
JamesM Posted November 30, 2010 Posted November 30, 2010 Most men who complain resent the lifestyle change ...not their children. And that would be my opinion as well. I can say that on an occasion, I have wished for some of my or our old life back when we had no children or I had no family, but that is because at that time life is stressful and busy to the point that a reprieve of any kind sounds good. This does not mean in any way that I do not like my children or wife. I simply miss the old life when I had only me to worry about. But when I think back on those days, it seems that I forget the loneliness of not having a companion and a family. Fact is...even if men date for fun, the end result is most men want a family some day. They want that love and togetherness that a family brings. They want those kids who look up to them. Men blow off steam but rarely mean it as it sounds IMO. I love my kids more now than when they were little simply because they have grown on me in ways that I didn't imagine. Yet there are certainly times that I miss the single life and its lack of responsibility. DO I want that life back? No. If I had it all of the time, then I know that I would wish I had a family to greet when I reached home every night. Life always looks "greener on the other side of the fence."
TigerCub Posted December 1, 2010 Posted December 1, 2010 I agree with those that said that people miss their old lifestyle and they don't really resent their kids. But I'm a "I don't ever want kids" lady, and its simply because, I think that parents screw up their kids no matter how good their intentions may be - so I don't want to bring a child into this world and f**k them up somehow. I don't want that on my conscience. Furthermore, there are a lot of people who have kids but end up falling out of love and being unhappy together - but because of the kids they stay. They stay and cheat on the side, or they stay and become miserable - so because of that I just think that sometimes kids keep miserable people together - and in that sense it really sucks to have kids. I know of many men who became unhappy after their kids were born, but there were also plenty of other men that absolutely love the family life and although it comes with its stresses and stuff, they wouldn't trade it in for anything else.
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