I have really big doubts about my last meeting

[darran]

" I saw you erased me on facebook,nice!It seems the persons that wish you only the best things you dont want to keep them as friends.Nvm i saw u kept another person,maybe it was enough(here was talking about my ex-ex).Now im going to delete you from my yahoo messenger list.Thank you anyway.Only one thing i've asked to be friends and you didnt wanted and you didnt care at all if its bad for me or not."

 

My friend, that's clearly emotional blackmail. Look, you can be friends with her. It is not against the "rules" (which there really are none) BUT, you can only do that when nothing bothers you. So remember that.

 

Also, if/when you meet her. Keep everything to very few word answers. GIVE NOTHING AWAY IN YOUR LIFE.

 

Keep strong, cry if you need to cry, write everything HERE and not to her when you feel fragile. Most people here are going through the same so therefore...well...it'll be kinda like going to AA

 

Keep strong, maintain NC, it does work for yourself. I am not saying, like others have, to completely ignore her calls and txts but just do NOT be so easily available to her. If she calls man, miss one or two...if she calls again...yep, you know what to do MAN UP and answer but be short. "Whats up? kinda thing...if she starts going into a full on "lemme tell you about this, and this happened bla bla..." be strong and say "Oh damn, listen, I'll call you back later I've something to do"

 

And then DON'T call her back.

 

Yes this may sound like games, but...and NO disrespect to ladies, women do not like to be chased by needy guys. Women like to chase, they love a guy who is emotionally strong, and sticks by his word, ya know...doesn't always agree to everything they say...they like to chase men who are not so easy to get...know what I mean....maybe not all women but all the ones I have dated chased me!

 

Getting her back this way, can and DOES work...believe me, I've done it but my friend...ask yourself do you want to be with someone with whom you cannot be yourself around and share your feelings with knowing that once she has what she chased for YOU will become less of a catch...get me?

 

She is immature, but listen...whatever happened between you two can be fixed. But you truly have to be strong, be a man about things. Cry anywhere else other than in her presence. No chasing out of you whatsoever and do go out and have fun. Make sure you do not fall back into a dribbling, emotional mess again.

 

ok?

 

 

Now remember, you don't have to completely ignore her unless you are 100% sure you want to move on and for good. Im saying, don't be a prick and completely ignore her but just do not contact her! maybe a week or two of ignoring...but she'll contact you again. Im sure of it. Just always remember what I said man about being hard to get and STRONG emotionally.

 

You slip up on any of that and she will have what she was looking for...ASSURANCE that she can have you

 

Don't give her it just make her fight for you back...and IF you do get to that point my friend...don't say "I love you", or buy her anything nice...keep it to a minimum of 1-2 dates a week...NO sitting in, no holding hands, no trying to kiss her, no emotional (feelings) talk. DON'T go to the movies... (you cant chat and have fun in a cinema)...go shopping walk around with her while she looks at stuff and have fun while doing it...take her somewhere different than what you used to do...keep it short and sweet and drop her back.

 

Anything you get, like a txt "I had a lovely day. Thanks x" Just reply, "Yea, I did too" NO kisses or anything.

 

Make her chase the life out of you. It works but you then have to keep her

 

so good luck!

[Laurik]

My thoughts were exactly in the manner you said..i'll not contact her anymore untill im sure nothing will bother me and mess me up,after that i can be friend with her is i am right now with my other ex-ex(btw she broked up with her boyfriend the same month i did,big coincidence)and i helped her alot with your advices to get over it.

About her calling and insisting it wil never happen because vanity controls her life!!!I really know that because all the relationship i told her you never showed me you love me as i did and she told me...well thats the way i love..in a cold manner.

I don't want to be with a girl that i can't be myself in her presence but if she'll ever chase me for sure i'm not going to accept it instantly and give it very big importance.I'll give her the feeling that i MIGHT get her back if she really loves me and consider about the past things happened.

For me if she'll not contact me i think a period of time is best to NC,untill i feel better maybe untill christmas/new year's eye and only then i'll send her with a txt Happy holidays and thats all.

 

A thing that i forgot to tell you is after 2 weeks of break up she contacted her ex.Only to be friends she told me(but i think she tried to be more) and he told her:Listen,i have a very good life right now and i'm really happy,i don't have time for unnecessary discussions with you.After that she called me and told me she feels very bad because she was trying to be only friends with him and he /shooed her.We've talked for an hour and at the end of the conversation she told me thank you i feel very good right now,u helped me alot.

I cant believe how idiot i was..i couldnt hang up the phone when she was talking about her ex...FFS she should have been messed up about our break up,not about that guy.Nvm its over,thats a thing that i wanted to write to see you what kind of person is and she really gived me the signs that is using me befire but i couldnt see them.

Btw excuse me for my language if its not good but i'm not in the mood for corrections right now.

[Laurik]

Quick update:An hour ago she called me twice and i didnt answered.After that a number called me that i didnt know who was and i answered because i thought a friend was calling but was her.She asked why not answering and i told her i didnt saw the calls.After that she asked me if im busy and i can talk to her and i told her yes i'm busy i cant speak right now.She said ok,please give me a sign later when you talk.I said ok,we'll speak later when i'll arrive home.

Today she had her driver license exam and for sure she wanted to talk about it,from her voice i think she failed it and wanted to speak to me about whis but im not sure.

Now i'm home and i'll not give her any sign at all.If she calls me later i will answer and make the conversation within a minute,because i dont want to hear all the complains from her.Someting like,whats up? why wanted to talk? And if she starts the chat about driver exam i'll cut her off and tell her sorry i cant speak right now i have another problems to do.

If she calls me tomorrow/another day again i'll answer and will tell her i was home late and thought she was asleep.

I need some fast thoughts,it's good or bad what i considered to do?

Thanks in advance

Edited November 22, 2010 by Laurik

[bl22]

Dude....stop speaking to her now.

 

Youve told her its either all or nothing, shes only speaking to you so she can slowly get over you without any guilt. THATS IT. if you disapear from her life now, she'll HAVE to think about what shes done and face life on her own without you which was her choice not yours.

 

Say to her, 1 last time, Look im sorry we cant be friends, you ended it, therefore stop contacting me.

 

and nothing else, ignore everything.

[SeriousBob12]

My friend, that's clearly emotional blackmail. Look, you can be friends with her. It is not against the "rules" (which there really are none) BUT, you can only do that when nothing bothers you. So remember that.

 

Also, if/when you meet her. Keep everything to very few word answers. GIVE NOTHING AWAY IN YOUR LIFE.

 

Keep strong, cry if you need to cry, write everything HERE and not to her when you feel fragile. Most people here are going through the same so therefore...well...it'll be kinda like going to AA

 

Keep strong, maintain NC, it does work for yourself. I am not saying, like others have, to completely ignore her calls and txts but just do NOT be so easily available to her. If she calls man, miss one or two...if she calls again...yep, you know what to do MAN UP and answer but be short. "Whats up? kinda thing...if she starts going into a full on "lemme tell you about this, and this happened bla bla..." be strong and say "Oh damn, listen, I'll call you back later I've something to do"

 

And then DON'T call her back.

 

Yes this may sound like games, but...and NO disrespect to ladies, women do not like to be chased by needy guys. Women like to chase, they love a guy who is emotionally strong, and sticks by his word, ya know...doesn't always agree to everything they say...they like to chase men who are not so easy to get...know what I mean....maybe not all women but all the ones I have dated chased me!

 

Getting her back this way, can and DOES work...believe me, I've done it but my friend...ask yourself do you want to be with someone with whom you cannot be yourself around and share your feelings with knowing that once she has what she chased for YOU will become less of a catch...get me?

 

She is immature, but listen...whatever happened between you two can be fixed. But you truly have to be strong, be a man about things. Cry anywhere else other than in her presence. No chasing out of you whatsoever and do go out and have fun. Make sure you do not fall back into a dribbling, emotional mess again.

 

ok?

 

 

Now remember, you don't have to completely ignore her unless you are 100% sure you want to move on and for good. Im saying, don't be a prick and completely ignore her but just do not contact her! maybe a week or two of ignoring...but she'll contact you again. Im sure of it. Just always remember what I said man about being hard to get and STRONG emotionally.

 

You slip up on any of that and she will have what she was looking for...ASSURANCE that she can have you

 

Don't give her it just make her fight for you back...and IF you do get to that point my friend...don't say "I love you", or buy her anything nice...keep it to a minimum of 1-2 dates a week...NO sitting in, no holding hands, no trying to kiss her, no emotional (feelings) talk. DON'T go to the movies... (you cant chat and have fun in a cinema)...go shopping walk around with her while she looks at stuff and have fun while doing it...take her somewhere different than what you used to do...keep it short and sweet and drop her back.

 

Anything you get, like a txt "I had a lovely day. Thanks x" Just reply, "Yea, I did too" NO kisses or anything.

 

Make her chase the life out of you. It works but you then have to keep her

 

so good luck!

 

 

I know your intentions are good, but posts like this clearly aren't necessary. Too many people will read this and start building hope that they can get their ex back, and will start following this routine for that reason and only that reason.

 

Post breakup should be about moving on, and not focusing on getting her back. If it happens that's fantastic, but it has to be secondary and unexpected.

 

I know you mean well, but the reasons for ignoring an ex isn't to try and get them back; there is no formula to that, but instead to get over them for your benefit.

 

What you said does happen, and is probably the best chance you have of getting your ex back, but that applies for what, 10% of relationships if that? For the other 90% of relationships out there - particularly when the girl dumps you - she's thought it through and it's over. Women are much better at men in this regard. By that I mean, a lot of the times they don't act hastily and think the relationship through. They've thought about their decision and stand by it. Men are much more likely to make snap-judgments and end things without proper rational. Again this is just loose, and doesn't apply to EVERY relationship/situation.

 

The best course of action is to start moving forward and thinking about you. Ignore her because you want/need to move on, if she comes back so be it. In the short time I've been posting here, I've read countless posts from optimistic broken-hearters that try to implement what they've read in posts like this. They get their hopes up act only to rekindle the relationship...The problem is, most of the time they get a harsh smack of reality when it doesn't work out. Now our poor partner is even more heartbroken and exactly back where he/she started.

Edited November 22, 2010 by SeriousBob12

[Laurik]

I CANT FKING BELIEVE HOW IDIOT I AM!!!

She played me as she wanted,she failed her exam and started complaining and i couldnt hang up the phone!!!I CANT BELIEVE IT!!!

Now i'm back where i started as you said..i didnt listened your advices and im messed up again!!!

I HATE ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!I HATE HER!!!!!!!!! I HATE MY ENTIRE LIFE!!!!!!!

I wish i could leave the country for a month and forget about all that crap in my life!!!

I txted her now and told her what bl22 told me to do.

Im sorry about this post but...i think i'll go for a walk at 01:00 AM to clear my mind..i've disappointed myself...she's fine now and i'm aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

[Laurik]

After a day of thinking i've reched the next conclusion.I'll change my phone number for a week or two and meanwhile i'll try to meet some new girls and hang out with them.

When she'll call me next time after i get my number back i'll tell her..Listen i met someone and i'm very happy with her.I dont need you near me,i dont wanna be friends just GET LOST!!!

I'm sick of it...if i'm going to tell you how she played me last night you'll laugh and say..ffs this dude is really dumb.

Anyway i feel a little better right now and looking to get some new girls in my life.

[darran]

BUT, you can only do that when nothing bothers you. So remember that.

 

Hey my man...yep I agree...posts like that are off leading but if you read it I do say...IF you can handle it.

 

No bother for me...I just say to not be available...I mean...they are games...of course...and the bottom line is, what I said actually does work!!!!!!! BUT ONLY when you are strong enough to deal with the ex and her calls.

 

 

If you do what I say WHEN YOU'RE READY you'll get her (that is a maybe). if you do what I say WHEN NOT READY then you'll end up an emotional mess...I don't mean to patronise or give misleading "tactics" I just speak from my own experience.

 

Wish anyone well and please, whoever reads this, do realise you must be able to cope with having communication with the ex....if you cant then DON'T!!!!!!!!

Edited November 23, 2010 by darran

[darran]

Quick update:An hour ago she called me twice and i didnt answered.After that a number called me that i didnt know who was and i answered because i thought a friend was calling but was her.She asked why not answering and i told her i didnt saw the calls.After that she asked me if im busy and i can talk to her and i told her yes i'm busy i cant speak right now.She said ok,please give me a sign later when you talk.I said ok,we'll speak later when i'll arrive home.

Today she had her driver license exam and for sure she wanted to talk about it,from her voice i think she failed it and wanted to speak to me about whis but im not sure.

Now i'm home and i'll not give her any sign at all.If she calls me later i will answer and make the conversation within a minute,because i dont want to hear all the complains from her.Someting like,whats up? why wanted to talk? And if she starts the chat about driver exam i'll cut her off and tell her sorry i cant speak right now i have another problems to do.

If she calls me tomorrow/another day again i'll answer and will tell her i was home late and thought she was asleep.

I need some fast thoughts,it's good or bad what i considered to do?

Thanks in advance

 

what happened to the two weeks of no contact?

 

Man...don't obsess over this woman! Just have fun...take a break out of your misery and chill...

 

If she calls within two weeks don't answer...check how you're feeling after 2 weeks...just ask yourself are you ok to deal with a call from the ex and maybe the possibility she MIGHT have a new "date"...?

 

That out of the way...apologies if I mislead you. I dunno, I am broken up also but I am in no way an emotional mess and I speak with my ex quite regularly. Just never about anything. I just don't see the point. I get along with her great. We had some really good times and it was MY fault she broke up with me.

 

So yea, maybe from my perspective its different so maybe then you shouldn't listen to my advice

 

Apologies again dude. I hope you are ok!

[darran]

she's fine now and i'm aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

Because my friend, you gave her ASSURANCE...

 

dude...have you never had the "balls" ...not meaning to be a prick about this, to just say...look I've gotta go here I'll call you soon.

 

And just DON'T call her!

 

Don't let her get you down!!!!! You need to take some power back in your life and really be strong. Mate, it was a relationship and for some reason it broke. You both broke up....it hurts like a mofo but the sooner you realise what all the damn fuss is about the better.

 

Play her!!! And have fun doing it. Make her feel like crap but do it with a smile...I don't think you could do that though.

 

Look last night, I got a txt... "I haven't started dating yet, I haven't met anyone as of yet...bla bla...hey, you should just do what you want ya know."

 

I'm like OK!!! I will

 

Im my situation bro I hurt this girls feelings beyond belief and I expect her to now be doing anything to get a rise. I did not come up a river in a bubble and saw it a mile away.

 

You case bro...she wants you as an emotional crutch...you MUST be UNAVAILABLE!!!!! Thats it, me I'll get little mind twisters like this for a while but I am seeing right through, naturally she doesn't know I know but I just have to ride it out and let her take the driving seat.

 

You my friend must take the driving seat and quit this feeling sorry for yourself..ok!!! Or I come find you and take you to pub and drown you with beer!

 

Relax...its not the end of the world. She sounds like a right head melt. Feel LUCKY

[Laurik]

I cracked and its not your fault and you shouldnt apologise darran.

I apreciate a lot your posts and your will of helping me,so again it's entirely my fault,not yours.

"Play her!!! And have fun doing it. Make her feel like crap but do it with a smile...I don't think you could do that though." Ooooh God this would be great for me but you said right i cantdo it right now.

"Or I come find you and take you to pub and drown you with beer!" Pleeease do this:) Tho im from Romania and you should travel a lot to find me:p

[SeriousBob12]

Laurik your problem is that you're in denial about things.

 

You're acting as if doing this NC game will give you the one-up and eventually she'll come crawling back. She opens the door a bit and you come running to it hoping things will happen all while convincing yourself you have the upper hand. You my friend don't have the upper hand and as darren said are lacking balls to just forget about her.

 

Start acting, stop chatting.

 

You're not over her, simple as that. This is fine man, you care for the girls which is apart of being human.

 

Stop falling for her tactics and start sticking to what you've been saying.

 

Darren,

 

Meant no disrespect my friend. Glad you didn't take offense. I agree that it increases your chances of getting her back. But every situation is different.

 

Aside from that, you're been spot on with advice to Laurik.

[Laurik]

Maybe you are right..i come here and say i'll do this and that and bla bla and when i'm in the fact...emotions overwhelm me and i cant control them.

I chat so much because i see all those ppl try to help me and give me confidence in what i do.

About the denial phase..i think this was right till yesterday...but when i saw her again like that and at the end of the conversation she was happy and me sad and depressed thats a picture that i'll remember all the time when i'll have thoughts like maybe its better to try again with her.

So NO dude,i don't want this girl in my life even if she comes back and beg and did all the things i tried.

[Laurik]

Till now a lot of silence from my last sent sms.

It's very good and very bad when i put them into the balance but lifes goes on,right?

Tonight i'm going to the club with some friends,will have some fun and hope i meet some new girls.

Updates tomorrow on how it was.

Cya guys&girls:D

[cerridwen]

Have fun at the clubs Laurik--you've been doing awesome and deserve a good time!

[Fufu]

Go and have fun

 

It's mind torturing thinking of why she does this and that to you.

[Laurik]

Back from the club really sad and a little too drunk...

My favourite club that was downtown moved in another location...And guess what?Now it's 2 streets away from my ex gf house!!

My friends didnt told me the club moved and i didnt know and when i reached there omfg what feelings on those streets,what memories,i was screwed !!

I wanted to go back home but they didnt let me..they told me..stay here we'll have fun tonight.After some drinks i got drunk and danced like a loonatic all night:))Some girls came intro our group but i couldnt interact very good because it was sooo weird to be in the presence of another girls thinking..should i...or should i not..

When we finally decided to go home i went to her house (i was drunk please understand me,pleaaaase)and stanted in front of her window for about 5 minutes with the phone in my hands and the number formed on the screen.Only needed thing was the green dial button.I was very,very,very vulnerable at this point...and only God made me not to push the green button.I looked one last time at her window with a feeling of regret and rushed to my friends that were waiting me.Then we went to a pub,drinked there some beers and here i am...

I was this close to fail again but i'm really sad..really ..pff cant find the word..

I'm going to bed,i hope when i'll woke up i'll see some posts here that will give me what i need to go on.

Cya later

[darran]

I was this close to fail again but i'm really sad..really ..pff cant find the word..

I'm going to bed,i hope when i'll woke up i'll see some posts here that will give me what i need to go on.

Cya later

 

hey, take it easy...alcohol and breakups don't mix too well get out and have fun but if you find yourself behaving like this when drunk try not to drink.

 

Do you remember her number in your head? If you do mate that's bad news! If not delete all records of her from your phone.

 

It takes time mate, don't expect to jump straight onto another woman without thinking about the ex...it will take a bit of time to be over her but you definitely need to do things for yourself. Take it easy, no harm in having a chat with another girl. Ya know, if you don't want anything just explain you've only broke up and to be honest you don't want anything at all. Girls generally know the score and wont think you're an idiot because you're hurt! It's normal.

 

Just take care

[Laurik]

Yea i figured out that alcohol and breakups dont mix at all:)

But not the booze was the problem,the problem was with the location of the club.I bet if it was in the first location the night would have been more succesfull.

Unfortunately i remember her number in my head,nothing to do about it.In my records/agenda i dont have any number related to her(her friends/relatives etc).

Anyway after this very gooooood sleep i feel better,i'm so thirsty and on the other side happy i didnt failed last night:bunny:

Tomorrow is monday,a new week,a new day of my life and day by day she is small..small...very,very small in my heart and i feel so good about it.

Will keep you posted

Thanx

[Laurik]

10 days of no contact.

I have moments when my thoughts fly around her...is she ok?she is over it so easy?why no contact from her?(lol,i asked this) and i want to contact her soooo much!!

I'm here because i feel very vulnerable again.Right now i remember her only as a dream...but i want again in that dream...

I know that i should keep me busy all the time and this will help me and not to contact her but anything i do..everything i see...i remember her even for a fraction of second and thats not good for me.

I need something...please talk to me :|

[Fufu]

10 days of NC is really amazing..... tell yourself you are doing great, keep it up

 

It's natural to miss her still. I believe most of us still miss our exes very much because they were in our lives before..

 

You don't have to force and rush yourself to forget her totally..

[Laurik]

I've breaked no contact yesterday when i sent her a txt with good luck at driver license exam.After 2 hours she called me and told me i passed the first part,friday is next.The conversation was very cold from me and from her too.We didnt speaked nothing else.

Tomorrow i'll send another txt with good luck for today.If she'll call me she'll call me to be happy or to complain.In either cases i'll keep the conversation short and cold as yesterday.

My thoughts of getting her back are going very far day by day and im sure i'm not going to do anything to be again with her.

If at any time she'll give me a sign of wanting me back i'll consider it twice...or maybe more!!

Thank you very,very much for all advices and as a proof i'm very very close to take over this i ask a mod to close this thread after this weekend.

Thanks again boys and girls:D

[darran]

I've breaked no contact yesterday when i sent her a txt with good luck at driver license exam.After 2 hours she called me and told me i passed the first part,friday is next.The conversation was very cold from me and from her too.We didnt speaked nothing else.

Tomorrow i'll send another txt with good luck for today.If she'll call me she'll call me to be happy or to complain.In either cases i'll keep the conversation short and cold as yesterday.

My thoughts of getting her back are going very far day by day and im sure i'm not going to do anything to be again with her.

If at any time she'll give me a sign of wanting me back i'll consider it twice...or maybe more!!

Thank you very,very much for all advices and as a proof i'm very very close to take over this i ask a mod to close this thread after this weekend.

Thanks again boys and girls:D

 

Hey buddy! glad to hear you're ok.

 

Listen mate, Im going through similar stuff, ya know...I've made mistakes in past rels too... we live and we learn. What I've learned is there are ones you walk away from and don't look back and one's you do differently.

 

This girl you love, I really don't want to sound harsh mate and I honestly don't want to make you feel worse but I don't think, at least for the time being, she is in anyway in love with you you keeping in touch, whether you "think" its just a friendly hello is doing you no justice at all.

 

Here's the difference...you know when an ex still loves you because:

1. they are still interested in YOUR life
   
2. they "flirt" a little with you
   
3. they ask about what you are doing and WHO you are doing it with
   
4. they tend to contact you randomly
   
5. they TELL YOU they still love you
   

 

These are just a few, there are more...but if you find an ex doing these things you can be sure they haven't moved on or stopped loving you. Is it enough to bring them back...sometimes yes it happens more often that not it doesn't happen.

 

Why it doesn't happen is because the one who got dumped ends up emotionally incapable to maintain a "friendship" and ends up acting on his/her emotions and in the process comes across as needy and desperate...NOT attractive in the slightest and only helps to solidify her feelings about the breakup.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself, for now, is stick to NC 100% and really don't break it. If she calls mate, just be short and sweet! Be blunt and end the conversation.

 

Do not give her anything unless she gives to you first.

 

This is your situation man, and you have to start accepting that - by the sounds of things - not a lot will change unless you accept first that its over and second you and her wont be getting back together again.

 

The moment you truly don't care and have moved on I bet you will either find another woman or she will be back in your life in some shape or form.

 

When comes the day that she finds another man...how would you feel if she told you on the phone?

[darran]

i ask a mod to close this thread after this weekend

 

and no way! there will be umpteen amounts of people who will read this and see the the stages you went through...you may read it 3 mths down the road and realise "wow, I have come along way"

 

Don't delete this thread. **** like this helps people to get their act together.

 

It HELPS people find answers and heal quicker.

[Laurik]

Ok,not closing this thread then.Maybe others can learn from this too.

Before the NC she was still interested in my life,asked about what i'm doing and with who am i doing it with,tended to contact me randomly and told me she loves me but it doesent matter right now i want from the bottom of my heart to forget her and to get over this once and for all.

If she would call and tell me i'm with another guy now probably i'll be sad..but this thing will give me mooooore power and i'll say..last thing from her,weeee im finally over it.

 

I think the earlier post would been better like that(i mean more close to the truth):

I'm back here after breaking the NC.Why breaking NC?Because i want to proove myself that anything happens i can handle it like a man.

 

Another thoughts..right now i'm speaking with a girl that last year wanted to be with me and i neglected her:) She's very,very nice but she acts very awkward and i'll write a phrase from her,maybe you'll find out how she is:"Well what can i say..i really want you but at the same time i dont want you because u piss me off" Any thoughts about this?

 

Another thought that is really haunting me is that again i'll be alone in the new years eve.

Buuuuut MY SHE is waiting out there and when i'll find her i'll give her all my love:D

Thanks and will update soon if anything new happens