I still love my ex, but I HATE him!

[insecure_girl]

He's so mean. I mean, during our relationship, I was VERY faithful. I didn't even look at other guys. I didn't watch porn, nothing. I didn't have Facebook, I didn't have male friends. He didn't trust me based on my past; in my past I had given a guy he knows a BJ in a "friendship with benefits" arrangement we had. But that was that. He didn't trust me and thought I was a wh***, he actually called me names. He was sweet and loving though, and we had a lot in common, so I stayed. He always promised he'd change, and of course he didn't.

 

Well one of the first things I did after i broke up with him was create a Facebook account. I blocked him, because he created one too. It's been a mess, though. There's this one time when a friend of his, who is friends with one of my friends, hacked my friend's account just to spy on me! Anyway, I've blocked him as much as possible and such.

 

The thing is, I've met some new guys after the break up, guys who've shown interest in me. I recently put up a profile picture in which I'm wearing a cleavagey dress. I wear clothes like these because I have small breasts, like a small B cup, so I think I can make it look classy. One of these guys I met posted a comment which said I looked so pretty.

 

Somehow my ex found out. he saw the picture and is now tormenting me, calling me a sl** because of how I dress, telling me I must enjoy a lot "showing off my t**s" that you can practically see my nipples, etc. Now, why does this bother me? Well, while we were TOGETHER, he sometimes made comments about busty celebs, I once asked him if he preferred big breasts and he said yes, that all men do, and a couple times when I lost weight he suggested I get implants! He also watched a lot of porn with busty women, and of course, if I said anything about it I was being a "nagging, insecure girlfriend... my friends' girlfriends don't complain if their boyfriends watch porn!".

 

Now that I'm single, he's treating me horribly because of my friendship with these new guys, and because they give me positive feedback. He hates that other guys check me out. I mean, what a double standard, when were together he checked out other NAKED women ALL THE TIME, to MASTURBATE to them, and I HAD NO SAY IN IT!

 

Yet he can't see how selfish and self centered he's being, not to mention hypocritical. He made me so insecure with his stupid comments, especially when he suggested implants. I told him many times how I got to hate my body because of that. Now he uses that against me, he says "Oh, just enjoy showing your t*ts to everyone else, you surely enjoy it, it doesn't seem like you hate your body at all, you liar, you sl*t!".

 

It's not that I enjoy it, I just wore the dress because I look decent in it, I don't think I look vulgar or anything. I don't enjoy "showing off my t*ts" and I still feel very insecure 'cause they're small and because of what he said. I don't care if other guys give me positive feedback actually, his stupid remarks trump that. I still feel bad.

 

I love him, I can't get over his comments. He always implies he's a victim, he always implies what I'm doing is wrong, etc. He also treats me like I'm a nuisance, it's like he loves complaining and attacking me and then not letting me explain myself or defend myself. He just says "Leave me alone, I hate you, I don't ever want to hear about you again, stop wasting my time".

 

I feel so powerless. I wish I could hurt him like he's hurt me, but I know that'd be bad, it's just irrational. I don't know how to get over all this, I feel ugly and like a wh**!!

 

Oh, I forgot to add! I lost my libido while I was still with him, so I can't even enjoy being attractive to others and I feel no attraction to no one and I don't enjoy sex or masturbation, so... yeah, I'm triple miserable!

Edited November 15, 2010 by insecure_girl

[Lemontang]

He's your ex you don't need to pander to him or make him feel good. If anything the best way you could get back at him is to live your life as you see fit. Don't even respond to him, cut him out. By responding your just feeding his ego more and telling him he's got control over you still. Seriously just move on past this controlling ass hat.

 

You can talk to and see who ever you want, he has no baring on this at all. Don't even make excuses for him. Seriously the fact that he behaves this way shows he has no respect for you. The least you could do is have respect for yourself and have nothing to do with him. I know it's difficult to let go of or accept that you'd been in an emotionally abusive relationship, I've been there. But once you actually cut these people out and move on you'll come to realise how much you compromised yourself to try and please someone who is unwilling to put you first and never accept that kind of treatment again in future relationships.

 

I know my securities were shattered by one relationship, but I worked through that and refused to accept 2nd rate behavior from people who had to belittle others to feel good about themselves and I'm happy with where I am today. These things take time true, but the first step is cutting these kinds of people out so as to begin bringing back the person you were once happy being.

[sedgwick]

He didn't trust me and thought I was a wh***, he actually called me names. He was sweet and loving though,

 

Go back and read this, again and again and again, as many times as it takes, until you see what you're saying. PLEASE. This guy sounds like the very archetype of the abuser.

[insecure_girl]

Thank you for your support. It's good to know I'm not crazy. I guess he really knows how to manipulate people. He really knows how to get to me.