Author Woggle Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Looking back what I once saw as a certain craziness or quirkiness that I found very attractive was actually a desperate need for attention and the signs of BPD. I used to think she was just a free spirit but she had a great heart. Boy was I wrong.
Cee Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 With my worst ex, I was blindsided because I had never dated someone who had an anti-social personality before. He was a con artist by nature, which meant he was charming, pleasant, and always said things I loved hearing. The main red flag I saw was his dating history. His significant relationships were with strong and financially secure women. But at the time, I didn't think he was with them b/c they took care of him. I thought he liked partners as strong as him. I had no idea that male "gold diggers" existed until I hooked up with one.
Mellisa Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 When people are in the fog of love they tend to ignore all the negative aspects of the person. Of course down the road they after everything goes wrong they see all the red flags and things they should have paid attention to. When I look my ex was covered in red flags but at the same I was too blind to notice. Looking back at bad relationships do you see things that should have made you pause? I dont think you were completely blind to those red flags..but then again there were also those mixed singals that made it confusing.I went through my last relationship(now i acutally dont think it can be really relationship..) fully awaring those red flags and i even had friends told me to get out, but i felt like i had to make that mistake so that i could see for myself and knew for sure it was a mistake.It took like 5 or 6 red flags(i didnt do the recall and count) out of 5 months for me to know for sure.Sure it might have saved you from having your heart broken if you got out as soon as the first red flag poped out or anywhere sooner,but then you would probably also wonder and doubt.
hearttobreak Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 No doubt on this one. I ignored: Major medical issues Bankruptcy / Financial irresponsibility Extreme mood swings Always complaining about her problems Emotional instability Two divorces Ultimatums / No Future (this is where I bailed) Then I find out she's already banging some guy a couple weeks after we broke. Amazing.
wierdmunky Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I ignored these: Can't communicate true feelings Huge temper Bad smoking/drinking habits The secretive/mysterious aspect Could not work through arguments through talking He was goodlooking, and had a great body. I thought they were things we could work out, but I couldn't even get close. Went out for 7 years.. some of them got marginally better. They have to relationship experience too I thought, how else will they learn.
zig Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 The think hindsight goes both ways. There are girls that I dated and never had feelings for so I just launched. Looking back I can now see their good qualities and wish I gave them a chance. That was when I was more into looks, having fun, ect... superficial things like that. For me I'm more concerned about having the fog of romance blind me to the important qualities in a person that you look for in a soulmate or spouse.
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