richardcruz Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 So this is the first time that I post on this site after experiencing a breakup 8 months ago. Im 30, she was 22. Our relationship was pretty volatile and we had a few "mini breakups" while we were together. At the end we got into an argument over something really frivolous (LS'ers agreed on this) to which she was demanding an apology. I knew that I was in the right so I wasn't really budging. She got upset and hung up. Two days passed and I swallowed my pride and, despite what I believed, txted her an apology. She responded with "you don't mean it, otherwise you wouldn't have taken so long." She also said that she "didn't have time for these unnecessary issues." (that one really hurt me). I picked up the phone to talk to her, but she kept forwarding my calls to voicemail. After a few tries, I realized that the rejection was really damaging my self esteem and stopped. That was the end of our relationship. This summer was an interesting experience. I dated a few girls but nothing really came out of it. Some said that they didn't feel the chemistry. Others had kids. Nothing wrong with kids, but it's just not my preference as I myself do not have kids. In the end, my summer was a lot of parties, a lot of alcohol consumption, and lot of hang overs. About a month and a half ago, the first rains happened and I was sick in bed All these factors contributed to a big depression cloud forming over me. I decided to txt my ex. The conversation was pretty light. I asked her how she had been, school, work, etc. She answered and asked me the same. I responded but she never responded back after that. Last night was one of those nights when you wished you would have stayed home instead. I took a friend out (that I have some interest in and she is aware of this) for a drink and she just ended up talking about her ex. This girl gives me mixed signals, but that's a different story all together. It's probably best to stay away from here entirely. Today I woke up feeling terrible. The more I date the more I feel unattractive and the more I resent dating. I get more confused as to how I should be and whether I'm doing something wrong that I should change. Apparently something isn't working, otherwise I figure I would have met someone by now. As selfish as this sounds, I am honestly terrified of the fact that my ex will meet someone before me. Mostly because it will make me feel like I was the dysfunctional component of our former relationship and now I'm missing out. I really feel like texting my ex-gf and trying things again. I mean how am I ever going to meet someone that understands me like she did. Then again why hasn't she texted me when she too has my contact information. It seems like everything around me is happy and in love and as time goes on, I start to wonder if there is something that I'm not doing right. I do miss her. Mostly I miss having that familiarity that you have with someone that you're with. Maybe if we would have done things differently, things could have worked between us, or maybe i'm just frustrated and disillusioned. I'm asking you LS'ers for your opinion on the matter or for any uplifting words or experiences to get me through this depressing Sunday. I posted here just as I was just ready to send my ex-gf the text. I figured it would be best not to make any rash decisions and instead consult the masses before doing something that I might regret.
cerridwen Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 You mention that it seems like everyone around you "is happy and in love." Not on this forum! And that's the beauty of LS. It lets everyone know they're not alone, their feelings are normal, they will survive and be happy again and that includes you. You're by far one of the most rational and mature posters I've read on here. What you're feeling is very easy to relate to and some would say you've hit the stage of Depression that comes right before Acceptance. Hang in there and ride through it because going back is not the answer. Given what you've described, if a relationship were to work, the changes and initiating reconciliation should come from her. You're feeling lonely and a bit down so your mind wanders to the idea of getting back together. Nothing on her end has changed meanwhile so you can only expect the same treatment and outcome. It's natural to toy with the idea of trying again. But, I can hear in your post that it's likely not because she was so fantastic and you blew it big time, but because no one else has come along yet to replace her and you're lonely. Familiarity is nice. But disrespect is not. On a metaphysical level, let me just pose the idea that perhaps the Right One hasn't come along yet because you're truly not ready? Do you think you're still partially holding on or comparing people to her or anything of the like?
mgene15 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 I'm sort of in the same boat man. I'm in NC, and when im not goin out with buddys, i think about my ex girlfriend alot, about 5 times a day when i hear a car near my house, i tend to look out the window hoping she will show up, or when my phone rings, anticipating it being her number... she has not contacted me and i have not contaced her for a while. An like you said, why has she not contacted me? I think that alot as well because my ex has my number. they say time heals all, but i wish time would speed the hell up! i feel for you bro, just no theres atleast 1 other person out there goin through the same situation, and if I can make it, you can make it. I went back so many times on my no contact rule it's ridiculous! but i finally stayed strong and it hurts like hell and is so tempting to pick that device up and dial or text that number you remember by heart! jus gotta fight those urges, hang in there bro
Author richardcruz Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 no one else has come along yet to replace her and you're lonely. Familiarity is nice. But disrespect is not. On a metaphysical level, let me just pose the idea that perhaps the Right One hasn't come along yet because you're truly not ready? Do you think you're still partially holding on or comparing people to her or anything of the like? For some reason, as more time goes by, the more I feel like no one is going to understand me. Maybe I feel that I grow increasingly more complex, I'm not really sure. I know my self esteem has taken a really big hit, and I feel like all of the let downs including my last breakup just keep piling up. I find it hard to love myself. I'm not the funniest, not the most charming, not the most entertaining, not the most sociable at times, not the most positive person, I'm just not. I do have some good qualities, but many are not. My ex accepted those things. I feel like the women that I date can sense these things because women expect men to be really secure in themselves. It would be so much easier to just go back. It's all so tiring. It shouldn't be this hard. I just find myself analyzing myself so much to try to figure out what it is that I'm not doing right. I think that maybe that I just need to keep being alone.. but for how long? Until I figure out things? This may never happen. You're right cerridwen, I'm just lonely, and even though what I had wasn't perfect, at least I had something there, as sad as it is to admit that.
mgene15 Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 yea i hate being alone as well, My happyness depended to much on my ex girlfriend, maybe you did the same? it's called insecurity, we all have it but men are "suppose" to be extremely sure of themselves, but that's bull. Like you said It would be soo much easier to go back with her, because she noes all your traits,faults, and was comfortable with that and accepted you for who you are an you feel completely burried like maybe you will never get tight like that with anyone else, but it'll happen. That's what I continue to tell myself
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