northern_sky Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Even though I know I should end it with this guy, and feel that I have the power to do so by ignoring any messages he sends...part of me won't let go of hope. I feel like I am simply waiting for him to write me again and ask me out (which he will probably do in the next few days). I keep trying to convince myself that it is over and I shouldn't be "waiting," but some tenacious thread of hope lingers. How do I eradicate that when there is this anticipation of his message? I'm reluctant to send him a message saying I want to end things, because whenever I do something like that I always backpedal in the future and end up looking foolish and inconsistent. I've already done that with him once. I would rather just cut off contact. And I haven't been contacting him, but I can't let go of this excitement/nervousness about whether he'll message me soon. Ugh. I feel like I'm on hold, and I want to get out of that mindset.
Star Gazer Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 The best thing to do in this situation (I've been here more times than I'd like to admit), is the mentally sever all ties, do a mental "Eff you! I'm over this!", even flip off the computer screen, but never ever let him know that you've already bailed. Literally just go NC. Cross the contact bridge only if HE initiates it. You don't want to burn bridges anyway; brings bad karma. This way, you're the bigger person, and the door remains cracked open for if/when you're BOTH in the right head space to actually try for something meaningful.
Fermentum Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Don't burn the bridge. But do give up on hope. I split with my ex because I was moving across the country and we weren't ready for the commitment. We'll likely, in a few years, to be in the same city. Older and wiser and maybe ready for the next stage. But I can't think about that, because for now she's moving on and I have to as well. It hurts, to give up your plan for the future together, but for now you need to bury hope and move forward.
havehope Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Totally and completely 100% in the same boat as you. Even though my username is havehope... its meant to mean have hope that things are going to get better, that you'll get over them, that you'll survive this, and that you'll be happy in the future - not necessarily to have hope in rekindling the relationship. I also am reluctant to tell him we can't talk, because we finally made it to speaking terms. But I realized I still love him and we can't be friends when I feel that. So I'm basically going NC and am not going to go out of my way to tell him we can't talk unless he initiates contact and I can take it from there if the opportunity presents itself. Like you, I still get nervous/excited when I see his number on my phone. You have to see this as permanent. If they wanted to be with you in the future, then no one in their right mind would break up with someone they wanted in the future, because there is no guarentee about the future once broken up. Aside from rare exceptions I suppose. You don't deserve to be in limbo. I try to think of all the bad things he did or bad things he said while we were dating and it makes me lose that 'hope' of reconciliation because I tell myself I don't want to rekindle with someone who did that/said that to me. There are other men out there who wouldn't do that to me. It helps. You deserve better than waiting for him - He hasn't proven anything to you.
thatsonlyme Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 I feel like I'm almost completely over my ex now, less than 3 months after break up, but I'd lie if I said that I still don't have at least tiny bit of hope. at this point though, I'm aware it wouldn't work out if we tried to get back together now. I feel like she has not matured yet and maybe years down the road we could be happy together again. It doesn't mean I'm waiting for her though. My life is getting better and more interesting, I'm sure somebody new will walk into my life soon! If you can't deal with messages, go NC. I did it for about a month and it helped, now I talk to my ex, we even see each other from time to time. It was very hard in the beginning, now I feel fine. I think she feels more awkward right now when we meet and analyzes whatever I say. whatever, I don't really care anymore. good luck!
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