Need Closure

[brown03]

OK broke up with my girlfriend 8 months ago at first everything was fine and it was just a break. We still talked and still were doing bills and house things as if we were a couple. Were going to join same insurance company when she got her car. Everything seemed like it was just going to be a break still 4 months after the break up. Near the end of the 4 months I could tell that things were starting to change like the last time I dropped her off after work she asked me to drop her off at the end of the street and so her grandma doesn't see and when she would want to come over she wouldn't cause she didn't want to wake up her grandma.

 

And the one day I dropped off the dog to see her she tried to get me to leave her place as fast as possible. And she would stay at my house for awhile. Thing's were changing alittle over time but she would still come around text me. Then for her birthday I got her a gift I gave it to her before she went home. Everything was going ok but their was tension cause I was a little awkward ed out cause I didn't want to ruin anything. Anyways before she left she said are you ok you seemed un easy about this and I said no im fine I just thought you were. She left and that night she text me saying thank you so much for the present I loved it and have fun this week at school hope you like it and everything.

 

I thought everything went well. She went home to her home town for the week and partied with her friends and saw all her family. When she came back I hadn't talked to her in weeks then I text her and we talked small talk nothing big. Then didn't hear from her until one day she was like hey I need something from the apt can I come get it. I said yeah sure. She came by and talked for a bit she then called her grandma to see if she could bring the dog on the trip with her. As soon as she picked up the grandma was like what are you doing there? And she replied just picking something up. Anyways that ended and her grandma was putting down her animal and she wanted her there with her. She told me she really wanted to hang out a bit but she had to go and be with her grandma. I understood because it was really big deal.

 

Anyways after this she didn't really text until she needed something and didn't even stop by anymore to see the dog. A couple months later she moved her stuff out and got her own place and left the grandmas place. And I saw that she was asking her friends to come hang out all the time and always trying to get people to hangout with her and if not she would drive home. I am really confused because I know that she had loved me so much and I know that the break up wasn't easy on her either and she didn't want to break up.

 

Then a week ago I told her I had mail for her and she ask if I could drop it off at the gym and I told her I wasn't going to drop it off. So I ended up meeting her there. When she got there she waved at me and had a smile on her face. It was raining so she came out asked if that was everything and left. Didn't ask any questions or anything. Then everyday after she asked all her friends to hang out come down and even took an hour drive to hang out with some of her family just to come back later that night. I saw pictures of a party she went to and in the background she was down and looked bored the whole time had her hands in her pocket and wasn't doing a lot. There was only one picture where I even saw her dancing.

 

Anyways just wanted to let anyone new hear the story. Anyways I have been here for awhile and I have really tried to listen to everyone on here but it has been really hard for me lately worse than usual. I dream about us getting back together and making up so I wake up a lot and I find myself thinking about her again and over thinking everything. Andyway's I know that she loves me and I know that there is no way things would have went this way on her own. She loved that dog and there is no way she would not care about her anymore and I know that she really wanted to work things out after time. And just like that after her birthday week end with family and friends that all just stops. And I have no clue what happened or even how she feels. Cause when she does talk to me which hasn't been in awhile she asks a lot of questions. Either way there is something up someone or something is holding her back and its bugging me. I know that I can't get over this until I find out how she feels or what happened.

 

I know that I should be doing NC but its just bugging me so much that I have no clue how she feel's and why everything change at a dime just like that. And I know a lot of you are going to say that she isn't back she obviously is over you but im sorry but that wont help because she is a very stubborn woman and is very insecure about her family and friends. She is always worried about what they think. And always worried that if she does something they don't like they will hate her. I really love this girl and would do anything for her, And one of the reasons this is bugging me is because I know that she would do something and make herself totally un happy and miserable just to keep people happy. And I really feel that I will not be able to move on until I know that she is happy and I know that she is over me.

 

The only thing is I don't know how to go about talking to her about this or finding out without ruining things for the future. Because she is very stubborn and wont even admit her insecurities about what people think. Last time I said were not going to get back together are we I can just see your family is getting to you. And she got mad and was like I have a mind of my own. Which she does and was finally starting to think for her self near the end and even when we broke up but I saw she was letting them get to her. And I know if this is true she will be very unhappy because she was before we met.

 

Sorry for the long post guys I am just so bothered about all of this and so confused and posting here is the only thing stopping me from breaking down and calling her. I just really love her and I want to know she is happy and can't move on until I know she is.

[circa66]

Hey, no need to apoligise for a long post. You want to get it out because it makes little sense. I went through a similar thing a month ago. It went from really good to WTF in a heartbreak. I went NC. Found out she wasnt in love with me after a year of her coming on strong and making promises. I tried to be careful but I fell in love and thats okay.

The break up was full of lies and contradictions. She was hiding her infidelity and maybe trying to protect me but her methods were warped to say the least. Her main advisor was her 12 year old daughter.

This is about her. She did what she did and she probably does not know why yet so how would you be able to know. These people who dump without the integrity to give a reason dont have a reason just a feeling. Please go NC and try to let it go. Heal, take your time and be occupied. Dont go no contact as a ploy to get her back. Go nc to heal the pain I KNOW you are feeling. I am seeing a therapist and am on meds for anxiety. Your life will be soo much better once you get past this and loving life again. Then someone will come into your life to make you think wtf was I so upset about your ex in the first place. I seriously thought after 45 years I met the perfect woman for me. I was mistaken. I had to realize the one that loves you would not put you in this position. Love is never this hard.

[brown03]

Yeah, That's true and i'm sorry you went through that. But that's the thing we talked and she said that she love's me more then anyone she has ever been with and she wasn't lying cause she started crying and everything. She just said I love you I just don't know if we are compatible we argue so much and I thinks it because you deep down don't love me. She was like I don't know what will happen in the future but all I can say is I don't want to be with you right now. We both need to experience life and I think you need to date other people and see.

 

Like I said is I don't know what will happen in the future it's just I wish that if we ever did meet each other or what ever that we could forget about all the bad things and be happy. I didn't say anything or argue about what she said because I thought she just needed time to figure stuff out and realize that just because we argue doesn't mean were not compatible and what not. She said this in one of our talks. Later text me saying I really miss you and really want to come over. And when I said OK she said I don't want to wake my grandma.

 

And I can't move on because I really feel that she still loves me. I know it seems stupid and that im grasping but she had said earlier on in the break up about how one of the guys on bacholer fought for the girl and she thought that was so sweet. And she is scared about her family and friends not approving me and getting mad about taking me back and I think she is unhappy but she thinks that because I didn't come after her I don't love her as she said. And that her family doesn't approve so she wont come after me and what not.

 

It's all ****ed up and I don't think I can move on unless I know she is happy and there is no chance for us and she is moved on. And the thing is I could be fine as long as I know she is happy and this is what she really deeply wants. NC wont do anything for me anymore but I don't want to contact her because im afraid that I could further ruin things. Or anything I don't know how to go about it. I figure if I just message her and try and casually talk and she rejects it I will know she is over me. But I'm not sure if that will ruin the future, cause she will get annoyed.

[Hhhh]

Sorry dude but this relationship is over, you should have gone NC from the start. She used you as a crutch while she moved on. All you can do now is go NC and move on with your life even if there si no closure. Sometimes your better off not knowing the truth

[Cratsky]

You can love someone and still choose not to be with that person. The same way you can love a friend but choose to stop associating with them. She's telling you the truth, she cares for you and wants what's best for you but simply feels you are not who she imagines as her life partner.

 

You will get through this. Learn from your mistakes and aim to be a better person. There are other more compatible people out there for you, you've got to go out and find them.