KarmasTestDummy Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 As has been discussed to no avail on here most everyone knows mm and I broke nc on Halloween and have been seeing and speaking to eachother ever since. One thing I told him when things started back up was that I knew he was never likely to be able to give himself to me fully and for that I refused to put my life on hold. I told him I was still planning on dating and holding out for someone who wanted to be with me and only me. He begrudgingly agreed it was only fair, though he didn't know how he would really react if another guy came into the picture. I told him we'd cross that path when we got there. Well, that being said, I have been chatting with another guy, but taking it from a slow friendly direction...but the more I've talked to him the more I see how much healthier of a choice he is for me. He is divorced over 5 years now, no kids, thoughtful and kind, attractive, well employed. He wanted to surprise me and show up at my hangout on Tuesday where my friends are celebrating my 30th birthday (apparently he's already bought me a present) but I wasn't giving any hints as to the location so, he finally just asked if he could. I had been avoiding the suggestion of a date or meeting because of mm but it finally dawned on me loud and clear that I was pushing away for something that was not worth holding onto hope for and found myself doing exactly what I told MM I wasn't going to do this time. So, I accepted, and found myself really excited and happy about doing so. Excited to meet this man who every day I talk to him has been in countdown with me about My birthday...a man who buys me a lotto ticket every time he gets himself one and writes my name on it and sends me a pic saying here's your numbers...good luck! A man that has been able to add me to his contacts on his phone because he doesn't have a wife checking it every night and actually has given me my very own personalized ringtone (which he won't tell me what it is). I finally feel excitement about someone else and love the attention he gives to me...only me. So i did it...I asked him to join me on Tuesday and there is a Saturday date in the planning stage. Then I did something else...which I may have otherwise thought was too presumptuous of me to do this early, but I texted mm and told him. I told him everything and I told him I wanted him to stay out of the picture because he would only cloud my judgment and make me feel guilty, and I owed new guy an honest and fair chance. So as of this morning I am back on NC, but this time a little more feeling of hope. Not to say I expect this to be prince charming or "the one" but I do believe there's only one way to find out. And if he's not...I think maybe it is in my best interest to keep looking instead of running back to the one I know for sure isn't.
fooled once Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 GOOD for you. I hope you really stay NC this time and I hope you allow yourself to enjoy the attention of the new guy!
jthorne Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 It pleases me to read this, but especially this part:I think maybe it is in my best interest to keep looking instead of running back to the one I know for sure isn't.
Author KarmasTestDummy Posted November 15, 2010 Author Posted November 15, 2010 Thank you, thank you. I've actually been texting him all evening and my interaction with him has changed by leaps and bounds.I can't believe how much I was holding back getting to know him and give him a chance because of mm. The guilt like I was doing something wrong was horrible. None of that is there now. I just feel free to be a single woman. It's so refreshing.
whichwayisup Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 So as of this morning I am back on NC, but this time a little more feeling of hope. Not to say I expect this to be prince charming or "the one" but I do believe there's only one way to find out. And if he's not...I think maybe it is in my best interest to keep looking instead of running back to the one I know for sure isn't. This is the better path for you to be on! Thank you, thank you. I've actually been texting him all evening and my interaction with him has changed by leaps and bounds.I can't believe how much I was holding back getting to know him and give him a chance because of mm. The guilt like I was doing something wrong was horrible. None of that is there now. I just feel free to be a single woman. It's so refreshing. I'm so happy for you!
maravilla Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 Good for you. I'm really not trying to rain on your parade but I just thought I would add a word of caution. Don't let being strong emotionally and distancing yourself from MM depend on another guy. Because the new guy could end up not working out and then you wouldn't want to be dependent on MM again. Instead I would advise living your life for you and doing what you know to be best for yourself independent of any guy. You don't need a man to make you happy. Please understand that I am just saying this out of personal experience. At some points I felt ready to let go of MM when a new guy expressed interest. But once I wasn't interested in the new guy (which is easy to do since I was so interested in drama-filled MM), or once the new guy didn't seem as interested in me, I'd go back to MM. I'm starting to see now (I'm in NC) that in many ways I was using MM to fill a void w/in myself, just like MM was using me to fill a void w/in himself/his marriage. It did not go to re-focus filling my void temporarily w/ the interest or attention of a new guy. No! I need to focus on myself and on making myself happy, no matter what guy is in my life. I want to be happy with living my life on my own and I hope you can be too. Good luck.
fooled once Posted November 16, 2010 Posted November 16, 2010 Happy early 30th birthday! Hope you have a great day (and night!) tomorrow!
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