Opheliaimmortal Posted November 14, 2010 Posted November 14, 2010 Hi, My guy and I ave been dating for over a year. I'm still in school, he is a few years older than I am, but he does not have anything more than a high school degree. He has a part time job, and always says he wants to find a second one, or a new one but never really tries to go out and find one. He still lives at home and seems content to just stay where he is in life. It's starting to bug me. When I wanted a job I worked my butt off and applied everywhere I could, even the places I didn't like too much. He keeps saying he wants a job with tons of benefits and health insurance, but does not really want to go back to school. I want him to be realistic and get his life going instead of the rut he seems stuck in. It's tough to find a job with a college degree, let alone with only a high school one, he cannot afford to be so picky. I don't even mind if he didn't go back to school, but if he could just really job hunt instead of being on the computer the entire day after he gets out of work. I'm tired of hearing him bitch when he hardly does anything to change his current circumstances. I'm sure I sound horrible, but I just want him to be motivated to better his situation on his own. I love him, but hearing him explain his current job and living arrangements to people when I introduce him and they ask about it is just getting a bit depressing and frustrating. It just seems like nothing is going to change. What can I do to help him? I'm already trying to be supportive and not being naggy or lecturing him about it.
Arabella Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 In principle, I agree with you. College education is extremely important and I would not date someone who isn't, at least, working towards a degree of some sort. Like you said, it's hard enough to survive with a college degree, let alone without it. However, I must say this.... You knew his education level and employment situation when you began to date, so why are you trying to change him now? I was in the exact same situation as you are for several years. I tried everything to motivate him and it didn't work in the long run because he didn't want it. Eventually I just realized I had to deal with it, and I couldn't, so I ended the relationship. This is who you chose. If you aren't happy with where he's going in life, you have two choices: accept him and stop nagging him, or leave him. Arabella
shayan Posted November 15, 2010 Posted November 15, 2010 i absolutely agree with arabella and that isn't the first time I've agreed with her. My sister married a man and was with him for 10 years. She was supermotivated graudauted top of class educated professional etc. He worked paycheck to paycheck, job to job. No matter what she tried he never changed. Our job in life is not change people, but accept them as who they are, you need to understand this. Turns out they got a divorce and now my sister is with a highly motivated and succesful business man. Either accept him as he is or move on.
Author Opheliaimmortal Posted November 18, 2010 Author Posted November 18, 2010 When we began dating he was talking about continuing school and was still figuring out what he wanted to do in life, and he was job hunting. I brought it up and talked to him about it and turns out he has been meaning to get back to school. Hes going to try to get into the spring semester at the local community college and figure things out. We shall see what happens. I agree with you both though. Thanks for responding!
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